Y’know… I’m 6’3" (my two younger brothers are 6’4" and 6’7"), and my last two long-term girlfriends were actually 5’3" and 5’4". Which was fine, because they were great people, and compatibility certainly wins out over a difference in height. But (a) all things being equal, I’m more attracted to taller women, and would prefer someone who was, say, 5’7" or above (my height requirement on the site is 5’5" or 5’6", I think); and (b) there are a surprising number of logistical issues that arise when the height difference is too great. Not just kissing, but holding hands, cuddling on the couch or in bed, putting your arm around their waist… And I certainly wouldn’t mind having tall kids, if/when it comes to that. Gotta keep up with my brothers’ hypothetical future children.
So yeah: preferred height range is 5’6"-ish and up; preferred age range is probably 25 to 33 (I’m 32). Exceptions could obviously be made in both cases, and have been.
I will admit, somewhat relevantly, that it’s discouraging to feel like some people – actually, many people – whose profiles seem extremely interesting don’t respond to my messages because they’re not sufficiently attracted to me based on my photos. (You can often tell this because you can see if they’ve viewed your profile or just looked at the picture that came with the e-mail.) And while that makes me wish I could do more to maximize my attractiveness, it also reminds me that I’ve got my own criteria, and that everyone needs to find someone who works for them. Just wish I worked for more people who work for me.
Do you though? If this were true, you would have to spend more time and more money weeding through the crowd, with a greater probability of more frequent disappointment and disillusionment. Every loneliness is a pinnacle, man.
I’ve had probably the worst luck ever with online dating sites. I think I’ve sent out about 75 emails over the past 4-5 months, and maybe got two responses. I’ve contacted every member of OKCupid that I have even a slight interest in, send personalized, meaningful messages that are not too desperate or weird, and I invariably get nothing. It really screws with my psyche as well, since I do fairly well with women in meatspace.
That being said, I think OKCupid is one of the best-designed dating sites out there. And plentyoffish.com is by far the worst site I’ve ever seen…but there seem to be more people there.
Depending on what we both mean by “works for me,” I don’t think the disappointment and disillusionment would necessarily be more frequent. If you see why. Either way, it’s a problem I could live with.
Baron:
I definitely sympathize. Happy to take a look at your profile, if you want a semi-objective, semi-critical eye.
I know this is a joke, and a fairly popular one at that, but it never fails to irritate me. I don’t mean I’m irritated at you, Mahna Mahna (love the username, BTW), but I’m irritated at the reality of the situation.
If I were looking for an opposite-sex partner, the dating site I belong to would have 1,000 matches for me who live within 100 miles of my town. There might even be more than that, but I think 1,000 may be the limit on how many matches the site will display.
When it comes to potential same-sex partners, I get only 80 matches. Most describe themselves as bisexual, which I do not have a problem with, but a great many of these are not actually looking for a same-sex relationship. Quite a few are married and are trying to recruit a third person for a threesome. Others make it clear that they only want to “experiment” sexually.
If I narrow things down further to people within 5 years of my own age, who have been active on the site within the past month, and who have completed their profiles, my total matches drop to 39. (Would be 481 if I wanted an opposite-sex partner.) This number does still include people who are not really interested in same-sex dating, and a few who are pretty obviously prostitutes. So even if I had no standards with regard to personality, interests, physical appearance, or basic literacy, I would still have very few potential dating partners.
My odds would be more than 10 times better if I were interested in a heterosexual relationship. As things are, after nearly a year I have not had one date thanks to this site.
I’m 6’3" (my two younger brothers are 6’4" and 6’7"), and my last two long-term girlfriends were actually 5’3" and 5’4". Which was fine, because they were great people, and compatibility certainly wins out over a difference in height. But (a) all things being equal, I’m more attracted to taller women, and would prefer someone who was, say, 5’7" or above (my height requirement on the site is 5’5" or 5’6", I think); and (b) there are a surprising number of logistical issues that arise when the height difference is too great. Not just kissing, but holding hands, cuddling on the couch or in bed, putting your arm around their waist… And I certainly wouldn’t mind having tall kids, if/when it comes to that. Gotta keep up with my brothers’ hypothetical future children.
