The psychology of punctual people vs late people according to lisalan

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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I had a date with a girl a couple of weeks ago and I realized half way there that I hadn’t budgeted enough time to get to the date on time. So I sent her a text apologizing and saying I was going to be a bit late. I showed up about a minute early but I didn’t know where the restaurant was so I wandered around for about 5 minutes looking for it. When I got there she wasn’t waiting out front so I sent her a text asking where she was seated, she replied she was running late as well so I got a seat, she didn’t show up for another 15 minutes. If I’d been my normal self and showed up 5 minuets early I would have been bugged. She was late for our second date as well so I’m thinking she’s just a chronically late person, if she wasn’t so great over all she’d definitely getting dumped for it.

I think it was playing football that really beat punctuality into me if you showed up on time you were punished it you showed up late you were punished severely. I’ve had nightmares before morning practices that I’d show up 5 minutes late and then been quite content to sit there waiting for 15 minutes for practice to start.

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oh, i wouldn’t do that quite yet - you look more and more like Jesus the longer this thread goes on…!

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See, I don’t see how it’s any less of a waste of time if you get there 15 minutes early and have to wait for the agreed time, vs. getting there on time and having to wait 15 minutes for the other person.

Either way, 15 minutes waiting, ya?

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Maggie, you are obviously trying to pull some common sense into this discussion - what can you be thinking? Pull yourself together for god’s sake!

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Hence the value of being on time.

A sound case can be made for planning a slightly early arrival when there’s unavoidable uncertainty (e.g. unpredictable traffic) and especially with multiple people - lest to a group of 10 you give the message “I consider my time to be at least ten times as important as anyone else’s.”

But even with one person to meet, this makes sense. Otherwise, the habitually late one is saying “Let’s make sure it’s always you that bears the burden of any waiting that’s necessary.”

166

That reminds me – in a previous thread on this topic one poster flat out said that s/he found waiting so stressful s/he deliberately always arrived late to be sure s/he wouldn’t have to do any waiting.
Great attitude, eh? “There is this thing I find too hard to bear. To eliminate the risk of my having to endure it I will insure YOU suffer it every single time.”

I used to be frequently late, but I do better now. I had this blinding realization. You see, I always planned in extra time to get ready for everything. But then I knew there was a 15 minutes slack, and so why not put it to use to do XXX – which then turned out to take more than 15 minutes, or maybe there was a snag in prep coming up I didn’t know about yet – and so even though I had extra time I’d end up late anyway.

Anyway, what I finally realized was that I DIDN’T have the extra time to play with until all other prep was done and I was ready to walk out the door. No more taking a shower than indulging in 15 minutes on the internet before breakfast. Nope – up, shower, dress, breakfast, any other required prep HAD to come first. That way if I find out there’s a stain on the outfit I planned to wear, I can clean it or change clothes or whatever using my built in slack time because I didn’t already fritter it away.

167

Doing a little bit of strawmanning this morning, are we? (and the thing about the pizza? what was that all about)

Personally, I don’t know many people who “freak the hell out” when someone is a minute late. Or even 5 minutes late. Mostly I know people who become mildly annoyed around 10 minutes late, and silently start adding asshole points to the others’ lateness column.

This isn’t about anal-retentive timekeepers (who apparently are inflexible about dinner choices) verses the “I said 6-ish and got there 6:15” kind of people. No. This is about people who, if they are told to meet at a specific time (no ‘ish’), will generally be there within +/- 5 minutes, depending on the circumstances. Typically this feat is accomplished with trivial ease, and betrays only a basic consideration for other people’s time. On the other side are people who are habitually 10, 20, or more minutes late. They have excuses, sure, but after a while it usually becomes clear that these are some comically unlucky individuals, or else that they simply lack the basic consideration for other people’s time. And watching these people, the latter case is common:

“We need to leave in 5 minutes.”
“Nah, I would rather spend 10 minutes reading and replying on SDMB.”

“It is a 5 minute walk to get there, so we should be on time.”
“Ohhh, look at that purse in the window!** I** have to get it.”

“Set your alarm for 7am”
“Nah, I would rather sleep until the last possible minute and risk being late.”

“We have to go dear, don’t answer the phone”
[Picks up phone anyways] “Oh hi Bill, long time no hear!”
[she whispers] “Tell him you’ll call him back later this evening”
[But he keeps talking for 15 minutes]

This is just basic narcissism. Surely I don’t “freak out” about it. Indeed I “deal with it”. But it is nonetheless annoying and inconsiderate of others.

It’s amazing the lengths some people go to make excuses for friends and significant others. I understand – you don’t want to lose them. But let’s admit it: for better or for worse you’re in denial.

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I tend to do it a lot too. You might call it a character flaw of mine. :wink:

What kills me, is I googled it to make sure I spelt it right. GOOGLE FAILED ME!

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I’ll just chime in here and say that I’ve known many people who, by their uncharitable reactions to small latenesses, give punctuality a bad name. However loath they may be to admit it, they’re part of the problem.

170

Perhaps…and this is just a wild and crazy idea, you don’t get them dressed or in the car until he’s ready? Don’t his parents ever say anything? Or, maybe just as you said, don’t go a time or ten. Can they conspire with you to tell him it’s at an earlier time, as others have mentioned?

Is it just with his parents? He makes it to work on time right? Maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to go.

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Bullshit.

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I had a boss who was in a carpool with a man who was 10 minutes late every day, until they finally kicked the guy out. My boss said, “If you can be 10 minutes late every day, then you can be ready 10 minutes earlier every day.”

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Dopers often tease each other about typos, spelling and grammar errros.

Lighten up Francis. :slight_smile:

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But does that make it right? :: patronizing look ::

Just kidding. BTW, it’s spelled “errorrs”. Ironic you couldn’t even spell “errrors” correctly.

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Heee…it was actually a typing error, (I’m fast but clumsy) but I decided to leave it for silliness’ sake (does that still count under Gaudere?). :smiley:

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Pssst - check iamnotbatman’s spelling.

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there should be a comma after “up”.:wink:

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So let me get this right, there are some people who get really upset when others don’t conform to their desires and act the way they want them to act, and these people are morally superior? Riiiiiiight.

Personally, I’m on both sides. By nature, I am a third shift person. If left be I’ll go to bed at 6 or 7am. So expecting me to be somewhere before noon and not be late is like if I expected others to be somewhere at 2am and not be late. Pretty unrealistic if you think about it, but since most of the world is first shift no one usually thinks about it. Afternoon and evenings, I’m usually on time.

If I’m being paid to be somewhere in the morning and put up with uptight prigs whining about lateness, I will. If I’m not getting paid to do it, then I won’t. Someone who is as concerned about respect as time nazis claim they are would respect me enough to not demand I conform to their needs.

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No, it is very simple. If you commit to something at a set time it is up to you to do your best to be there.
If you agree to it but say “look I’m chronically late usually so don’t count on me” then fine. We know where we stand.
If you know it, but don’t make others aware of it then yes, you are definitely morally inferior.

Rest assured, you are very special and we will all make allowances for you. I can see how our expectations of minimal punctuality conflict with your need for freedom and stuff and junk.

Common decency holds no currency for you does it? Just the hard cash! I bet family weddings and parties are extra careful when budgeting to allow for your appearance fees.

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Most considerate people would not make a commitment to be somewhere at 2am if they thought they wouldn’t make it.