:slightly concerned voice:
“Agent Y may have been compromised! The Quacksa fools could be onto --”
:calm tones:
“Never fear. Without Agent Y, their adverbs would all just shrivel up in their meaninglessness. At the least, with all this mania of theirs of leaving our Agents off the roster for word production, they’d end up looking like crazed Scotsman from a pile of old Englishman-Irishman-Scotsman jokes! Och, awa’!”
“Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
“Yes! Ha! Ha! Ha!”
We are ever vigilant and shall prevail.
Signed
The Vowel Fascists.
Motto: “Discounts offered today on World Domination! Buy one, get two free! For a limited time only!”
cwm
Pronunciation: 'küm
from Welsh, meaning a deep steep-walled basin on a mountain usually forming the blunt end of a valley
*crwth[i/]
Pronunciation: 'krüth
again from Welsh, meaning crowd
Our Welsh faction, like those in the Balkans and other Slavic countries, are adept after so many thousands of years at working within their host languages without setting up billboards declaring “We are here!”. Vowels are present in every language, as they have been since man went from “Ugh”, to “I say, old chap, I do like the look of that hilltop there to keep an eye on the bally ol’ enemy over, there, eh what?”
Then, there are the venerable dipthongs in our word-world community. Their flag name comes from the Greek di plus phthongos meaning “two-sound”. My source says theres a relationship with the word phthengesthai, “to utter, or speak loudly”.
The Vowel Fascists propose the following:
Q quits bitching about being tailed by Agent U. In fact, The Vowel Fascists would be only to happy to introduce Q to more of our happy vowel community, to spread the use of vowels and allow people to see the beauty of Q. You are a beautiful letter, Q. We’ve always thought so.
The QXA Association cease and desist from its attempts to alter the unspoken language, just to suit their own vowelphobic ends. (a) It’s stupid, and (b) it’s making our heads hurt trying to read it, and wondering if you aren’t just sliding dirty words in there we can’t see. (X-rated, we’ll bet. Get it? X-rated?? Oh, we slay us with our humour!) In return, we will see about having X invited to more of the cool parties around here. But, we wonder why all the fuss over X when you already have the “X-files” everywhere but on the cows in the fields …
Admit that vowels are as vital to your language. Americans should add more to their words, but we won’t push that. Yet.
With the dove of peace clamped within our jaws, looking hopefully up over the trenches, we are
Signed
The Vowel Fascists
(“Okay, okay, agents. Own up, here. Who cooked that damn bird, huh?”)
In light of the above statement by the Forces of Evil, we are preparing our Comrade Q to infiltrate the inner sanctum of the Vowelstag.
Working behind enemy lines, Q will gradually begin posing as the evil Agent O. (O will be captured and re-educated. We have hope he may be useful as a D at some point in future). Within a short time, “GOOD” will be “GQQD”, James Brown will be dancing the BQQGALQQ, and the WQRLD will be WHQLE LQT happier.
Heh! The evil ones will be forced to think up a new MQTTQ.
Please stand by for an important announcement from the Vowelstag.
[sub](Heh. We like that. More room for plotting in a proper Vowelstag. Thanks, guys!)[/sub]
Dateline: Today
Still awaiting a sensible answer to their proposal to end the so-called Letter Insurrection, The Vowel Fascists advise the arrival in their midst of the beautiful Madame Q. Q, as she prefers to be known these days, publically burned her “I love QXA” T-shirt, stating that she no longer wished to be a poster-letter for the communist-socialist-darned lefties cause.
In answer to persistent, deranged rumours concerning her supposed “mission” to infiltrate The Vowel Fascists and pose as Agent O, Q said, “Honey, the day they get me to take off this here tail, is the day I [report censored for reasons of public decency] the QXA 'till they squeal. And they can take my good pappy’s name down off their title, too! Sullies the good name of Q, stuff like that!”
Brought to you by
The Vowel Fascists
“We care that you can say ‘care’ and not just ‘cr’.”
It looks as if Q is doing her job well. She is now fooling The Vowel Fascists into believing she is on their side. Soon she will be stealing A,E,I,O,U and Y (just to be sure) and they will be liberated. We will have them and they will be able to work with us Here at QXA, happily helping the underused letters to gain ever more control in the alphabet. Q and her contact and companion, X, are working fast and furiously under cover to destroy the vowel fascists.
Also, in preperation for E, I have begun using that letter again so I and the rest of the QXA can accommodate him.
AEIOUY, you will soon be out of the evil clutches of TVF and into our happy liberating arms. BE FREE! BE FREE! (notice all the E’s?)
QQQQQQQQQQQQQQXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Qween, qwick, qwiet, xxactly, xxtreme, xxtra. These will all be new words once the underused letters are liberated.
waits for response. blinks in the face of dire glares
“Look, we’re emmisaries from The Vowel Fascists. We’ve got a note for you. Ahem.”
"We are pleased that you have found the all-new Vowel Dupicates[sub]TM[/sub] to your liking. Please find enclosed our invoice for half of your assets. Please also note that The Vowel Fascists[sub]TM[/sub] maintain full intellectual property rights over the Vowel Dupicates[sub]TM[/sub] you have ordered and are in the process of utilising. Unauthorised copying is forbidden. We’ll take the rest of your assets if you do.
What’s this on the bottom of the Vowel Duplicates? It looks like a serial number and a disclaimer. These are the originals! And they have to be real because there are no defects that would indicate copying. It looks like they sent us the wrong ones.
“You idiot door guards! You had the chance the detain TVF! Why did you just stand around and look dumb?” I hired you for your brains! They must have brainwashed you. You’re fired. I have someone else now."
The real Q says hi. She has informed me she drugged O, sewed a tail on her, and hypnotized her to believe she is Q.
::Groucho Marx voice:: “And what a tail that was!” ::Groucho Marx voice::
Dear QXA-plagarists
Our lawyers will contact you in the morning. We have also noted that you are still using a fake “A” in your initials, there. Our rent-a-placard-bearing-bunch-of-nutzoids are at your citadel as we speak.
Have a nice day.
The ones, the onlies,
The Vowel Fascists.
[sub]“Bring - back - A!! Bring - back - A!! Show - your - Q!! Show - your - Q!!”[/sub]
You idiot Vowel Fascists. We can’t be using a fake A in our initials because it’s the original A from when we first started, and I know you couldn’t have changed it because our real initials are locked in a vault with six different doors, a security system more advanced than the CIA’s and twenty rottweilers on guard, ready to tear apart any intruder at the slightest sign of a break-in. Our human guards can’t be manipulated because they never leave from the same exit at any time and never enter at the same place at any time and only work there once. Don’t underestimate us. We know what we’re doing. Did I mention our vault is hidden underground in a place no normal human could survive unless they know the way, which you never will?
It’s not plagarism if you send us the real vowels, dummy. But now I realize they are fake and defective. They don’t go into the right words, so I’m sending them back. Clever ploy, but I will never accept fakes. By the way, your rent-a-placard-bunch-of-nutzoids are going on strike against YOU! They are demanding more access to the ways you do your oppression, or they will join us! I have already given them forms to sign up and many have signed. Your force is dying. We are gaining.
P.S. I sure wish other people would get into the board. I’m really tired of just you and me, Ice Wolf. I won’t keep up the board if this continues. I’m not giving up on the cause, but I can’t keep this up if more don’t come. It’s getting very tedious.
(An aside from the Narrator of this side of the humorous little tale: yeah, GZ, I hear ya. It’s real hard being a raving lunatic pseudo-fascist vowel-hugging crazy when there’s no-one in the cheap seats interested enough to join in.
And then, there are folk like jr8 :rolleyes: )
Achtung, you numerical sub-normals!
The Vowel Fascists have met your likes before, during the Calculator Advent, when the world’s mathematicians went a little ga-ga and thought up little words they can spell out on their LCD screens. This was the time you did the Seventies Thing, trying to form your own pitiful attempt at the glorious language of the Vowel.
In other words, The Vowel Fascists hate to say, but someone has to – it’s a nerd thing. Ha. Ha-ha. Ha.
Go away and give yourselves headaches, children.
Meanwhile, to the QXA: Our lawyers from Bleedem and Breakem, Great Zimbabwe Dungheap, Second Campfire to the Left, have examined the brief and will be in touch with you as soon as they have finished their fiendish incantations.
Prepare your assets for hand-over, fools.
BWAAH - HAAAH - HAAAH - HAAARR!
Signed,
The Vowel Fascists
Your equal opportunity dictators.
A Newsflash brought to you by your kind, loveable, huggable folk at The Vowel Fascists!
This just in from our Vowelstag Bureau.
It seems there have been interesting developments at the Vowelstag today. Our noble and benevolent leaders are all a-twitter with the visit today, all the way from the heart of LegalFiendLand, Baron Jaykel Von Screwem.
In a statement today, Von Screwem (now senior partner of Screwem, Bleedem and Breakem after glorious victory in the Great Zimbabwe Dungheap annual fiendish incantation cook-off, said:
This newsflash brought to you by:
The Vowel Fascists.
Trust Us. You know we’re right all the time.
Our diversion worked. TVF penetrated the false vault and found nothing but creamed corn and moldy bread. I guess they didn’t know it was an old Cold War bunker we hadn’t used in ages, HAHAHAHA! That’s a good one! We keep everything we know in our brains!
I compliment X on his false pictures. He’s always been the good one with computers. I’m glad our “Q” made it. It was actually a zerobot with a tail as you all know. They don’t really have minds. They are very expendable.
Now I understand tonight there is a spy here from TVF. You there in section 3v, seat 9, I know you are “a”, a spy from TVF! Guards, take him! Everyone leave now so no more information is divulged to TVF and their pitiful spies. “a” will be detained for debriefing. Disarm him.
::Stepping off stage, heading toward “a”.:: “You won’t succeed. Did you really think you could? TVF is a pitiful organization, and that’s a loose term. Guards, take him to the cell. You know which one.”
Greetings I’ve been studying “Conspiracy Theory 202” and as my final thesis I’ve been thinking about the The Vowel Fascists. And if you’ll notice, they have the acronym TVF, all consonants. What does this mean? It seems obvious to me. The consonants themselves are the secret organization behind TVF. And why would they be doing this? By stirring up trouble and hatred against the vowels from the populace at large. The real vowels are probably being held by the QXA as we speak. And as their stooges are out here every day sullying the once good name of the vowels A, E, I, O and sometimes Y. It is their hope that as public sentiment turns against the vowels they can gain a total monopoly on all letters. What can you do? How can you fight them?
