The Dread Pirate Corky swings in on the rigging from anther thread to hijack this one Arrr! Pirates don’t need any shavin’ razors. Well apart from cuttin’ throats and we have a cutlass for that.
We’re reaching convergence when the fake news has more credibility than the real news. I’m waiting for Ted Koppel to take over The Daily Show.
Just wanna note – this isn’t the first case of fake news predating reality. several of Laugh-In’s “News of the Future” comedy bits actually happened. And HarvArd Lampoon’s parody of USA Today has the headline story about the divorce between Prince Charles and Lady Di a decade before the real thing. (I bought the USA Today real story to keep right next to the parody one).
Their was a classic “News of the Future” from around '68 that made a joke about President Reagan in 1984.
My razor blade has an edge composed of quantum singularities. No stubble to rinse away! 
I lay down under the lawnmower. It’s not that close, but the stubble gets mulched, so I have that going for me.
That Onion article was restrained compared to the real-world promos.
Listen to this guy. . .
“The Schick launch has nothing to do with this, it’s like comparing a Ferrari to a Volkswagen as far as we’re concerned,” said Chairman, President and Chief Executive James Kilts.
From the real article
From the Onion article
Hilarious. Nice find, Hail Ants.
C’mon girls…enough with the multiblade razors.
Real men singe it off with a blowtorch.
Every morning a masked mexican swordsman comes over and removes my 5:00 shadow with a quick flick of the wrist. Fast and painless but sometimes he leaves with my lady over his shoulder.
[dead camp voice]“Removes my 5:00 shadow”? Is that what the boys are calling it now?[/dcv] 
I find this suspect…
I’ve never understood what a “power razor” (not an electric) is supposed to do. My hand shakes enough on it’s own already.
Rather than pull the hair until the blade cuts it, the movement of the blades cut through the hair like a little chain-saw. It really does make a difference.