Striving to communicate better and more honestly with one another, Mrs. Rhymer and I have discovered that neither of us is all that eager to celebrate Christmas; each of us had done it in the past because we thought the other wanted to. So we’re opting out this year. We’re sending cards to family and friends, we’re not exchanging gifts; we’ve advised adult relatives that they might better use any part of a gift-gifting budget on the kids rather than us; and we are not exchanging gifts between ourselves. The week of the holiday we’re taking a trip carefully calculated to allow us to ignore the whole thing. We anticipate some fallout from my side of the family on this issue.
Sure. When people in your office (etc.) ask you what you’re doing for xmas, or what you did for xmas, or what you got for xmas, what you say is, “Eh, we don’t really do Christmas. What did YOU do?” (Or “what are YOU doing?”)
Most people will happily launch into their own experiences, and didn’t mean it as a serious question anyway, in the same way that “How are you?” is supposed to elicit “Fine, and you?” and not a recap of your latest medical malfunction, but you’ll get the occasional shocked person who says, “Oh no! You don’t do Christmas? Why not?” These people can be very tedious, but if you have to work with them just make something up.
On one hand, I feel that couples need to have their own holiday traditions as a family unit, and the rest of the family needs to respect it.
I stopped giving and getting gifts a few years ago, and my family caught on. It is just fine.
On the other hand…in lieu of gifts I do make a point of spending time with my friends and family during the holidays. “Your presence is your present” as they say. I think it’s bad form and a little Scrooge-y to completely avoid the family during the holidays, especially if there are kids around.
I know your family’s a little high-strung, so maybe it is impossible to be around them with the whole “no gifts” thing looming over the crowd. But if you can, I would make a point of being a part of the celebration anyway.
When people ask what you’re doing for Christmas, this is the answer. Tell them about your trip. (Incidentally, where are you going?)
Since I stopped celebrating Christmas, a few years before I officially converted to Judaism, I’ve pretty much avoided the subject with my family. It helped that, for the first few years when I wasn’t celebrating Christmas, I lived 3000 miles away from them. By the time I moved to Pittsburgh in 07, they’d gotten used to not having me around at Christmas, so it wasn’t a big deal that I didn’t come to visit then.
Make a tradition of seeing them at some other time. Could be Thanksgiving, could be somebody’s birthday, could be just some random time. If you live in a place where snow is a possibility this time of year, do everybody a favor and schedule it for sometime when snow is unlikely.
I understand. I was just pointing out that camping could qualify. Anyway, I hope the Rhymers have a thoroughly enjoyable time with whatever they do. (Taken as given to mean it will not include the demise–or even discomfort–of the Lares.)
Well, you could celebrate the traditional Jewish antichristmas. My family does this every year - Chinese food and a trip to the movies! I believe there are even synagogues that organize large-scale events for their congregations.
I have not done Christmas at home in years. We only send money for the kids in the family but no decorations, no gifts, no cards etc. We do cook a feast though. Christmas is overrated IMO.
I am forced to erect a tree at my jobsite and hand out the cookies and juice at the “Tree Lighting Ceremony” but that is work.
Taking a carefully timed trip away - AWAY - anywhere, a resort hotel, camping in a swamp, assisting at a leper colony, or jetting off to Paris - would be my idea of a heavenly Christmas so I could just AVOID all this shit. I’ve brought up the idea of ‘no gifts for the grownups’, to no avail…just a blinking bewildered “…but…but…it’s CHRISTMAS. And I already bought YOU something!” If I could but say, “return it and give the money to charity in my name, so long, I’ll be back after New Years!”…
I came in specifically to suggest this. Many Jews make it a point to engage in regular commerce on Christmas Eve/Day whenever possible to make a statement that Christmas is not their holiday. It has nothing to do with Hanukkah in the slightest. Chinese (or some other ethnic) restaurants and movie theaters are the most likely to be open in the evening. It’s also not uncommon for some Jews to offer to work on Christian holidays to give others the day off to spend with their families; my father typically does this, and since he’s the boss, uses some of the holiday pay he earns on a nice lunch for the people who are working. He’s a nice boss.
with three family members out of work, we decided as a group to permanently discontinue the gift-giving two years ago.
the little ones still get theirs, but the adults now can just kick back, enjoy each other’s company, and have a delicious dinner. sure takes the stress out of the holidays when you don’t have to run around christmas shopping like a crazed ferret on caffeine.
