Pretty self-explanatory. Just like all the other story threads, but only using sci-fi characters, situations, and cliches.
“Captain Picard, I am Ambassador K’Choo of Allerjin 5” intoned the slinky, 22-year-old alien with the tiny latex crinkles on her earlobes and the supermodel body. “You will be taking me and a supply of desperately needed nano-antihistamines back to my homeworld.”
“Mercy missions are our top priorty, Ambassador” the captain replied. "Ahead warp five, Mr. Data, and don’t stop for anything except
…that mysterious, abandoned, vaguely organic H.R. Giger-esque looking ship. Which, although we’ve never encountered anything like it before, I’m positive is in distress of some kind.
Lets beam a boarding party over because, heven knows, that action won’t be misconstrued as hostile.
… until we are miraculously pulled out by Ensign Macguyver, who just happens to be an expert in temporal mechanics and comes up with a way to free the ship by connecting two phasers together and firing at the deflector dish that just happened to form an anti-time loop field.
some meaninless numbers that folks ignore before he’s halfway done.
It’s ok though, everyone on the bridge is trying hard to ignore the sexual tension between the captain and the doctor and the XO and the counslor…
Right when things start to get steamy (this close to kissing!) the ship shudders, as if being blasted by…
“Silly mortals! There’s more to Science Fiction than Star Trek.”
With a wave of his mighty wing, Ensign Flandry, Lazarus Long, Miles Vorkosigan, Retief of the C.D.T. Honor Harrington, Slippery Jim DiGriz(sp)and Kimball Kinnison all appear on the bridge.
Just then, Uhura, who’s looking at the communications display says "Captain, we’ve got an incoming message from someone calling itself ‘Twirlip of the Mists’. His message is “Hexapodia is the key insight!”
All eyes turn to Kinnison, the First Lensman as he says "This could only mean one thing! We’ve got to…
…our arch-enemies the Klingons, who are are frequently our allies, but who are back to bieng out arch-enemies, at least for this season --that is until Captain Picard single handedly manages to foil some fiendish Romulan plot to disrupt the Klingon government in a Shakespere-esque, ultra-special, two-part, season ending cliffhanger-- where Picard reveals the Romulin high commander is…
…A super-intelligent child, cloned from their former leader, but bread to be cold, calculating, and emotionless. The emporer is about to put all the crew to death when the Captain manages to penetrate his frigid heart and touch him by…
Meanwhile, Picard and Kirk get into a heated debate. Kirk maintains that he would eliminate all sentient life in the galaxy to protect his ship, while Picard would allow all the sentient life in the galaxy to perish rather than contaminate it’s culture by saving them. The argument starts to get personal:
“Barbarian!”
“Wimp!”
“Cowboy!”
“Tofu-Eater!”
“MERDE! You take that back!”
“Or else what!? You’ll sentence me to fifty years of sensitivity training?”
Just then, a concentrated burst of techno-babble radiation turns them into…
…Rancors, which Luke neatly kills by throwing a skull at a control panel and then watching a very onveniently placed door fall on them. At this point, Jaime Retief and Vice-Consul Magnan of the CDT walk in, following what is obviously a Groaci spy in search of…
…several thousand cute little furry warrior critters, 2 whales, and a little boy with an alien in a sheet. The audience is, naturally, either thrilled or disgusted until they hear that a 100 km asteroid is on a collision course with Earth and their only hope is…
. . . a supersecret government project consisting of training adolecents who pilot giant robots. But can they conquor their personal problems in time to deal with it?
Their only contatact with said organization is a beautiful young scientist, who’s bookish nature (well tanned and with killer abs, but still bookish) has prevented her from noticing the other function of the organization, a mad, God defying plan too . . .
–
“If you have a a worm farm, do not raise evil flesh eating milepedes by mistake.”
…mad, God-defying plan to spawn the ultimate warrior by creating a human/alien hybrid, a plan destined to go horribly wrong when the creature developes a taste for human brains. Luckily, the frog DNA inexplicably patched into it’s genetic structure causes it to…
…a bitter, has-been character actor from the old 60’s show manages to tear himself away from the Comicon autograph booth long enough to reprise his original character (who had been conveniently frozen in time).
He shows up just in time to persuade the sex-change warrior she/he beast that it has a soul, that it is special in it’s own special way, and that shoplifting candy bars is wrong.
screams “I’m mad as hell and I can’t take anymore”. Pulling a raygun from his tunic he blasts himself in the head. Falling to the floor, his body begins to change and eventually takes the form of a robot with a circular palstic bubble for a head and flailing arms with pinchers on the ends. Rising from the floor the robot begins wailing “Danger, Danger.”