SqrlCub: if you don’t know what a forum is I can’t help you and will no longer adopt you.
JEEZ…I may be below a mere newbie, but damn! You really think that I would be able to perform your requests if I didnt even know what a FORUM is? At least give me a little credit!
SqrlCub: *7) Then last you have to give us some good, juicy gossip on yourself. *
You want juicy gossip? Well, there’s already some in GQ under my “Impotence/testicle question” thread…cant get much juicier than THAT! Actually I can think of plenty more…
And thanks Persephone…Im wondering if this is beyond me. Be nice to my brother, Tygr…well, not TOO nice.
Nymysys, dahling, although you are much on your way toward this highly esteemed “regular” status insofar as you have elected to have a poster of such impeccable character as myself sponsor you, you must fulfill the following criteria before attaining the elite status. These tests have been designed to ascertain your abilities to prove yourself adept in the many facets of the SDMB.
Sucking up to Mods, a primer:
You must construct a poem in honor of me, with translations in Japanese and sanskrit. (C’mon, we both know you have nothing but time on your hands). It needn’t be long, you may select a single aspect of my persona if necessary.
Appreciation of the classics:
You much watch the film Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. A short but intensive debriefing will ensue to verifiy your compliance in this matter.
The ability to use the search function / An introduction to flames:
Identify the classic thread in which one of the best flames ever was written (Hint: the text contains the words knob-gobbling ass-bandits). Identify the poster which wrote the words in the aforementioned hint and provide the rest of the flame. Select your favorite flame and explain why it is. Given that the thread existed prior to the switch to vB, you must also compensate for the chronological error and reconstruct the thread. (Okay, ignore that last part). Reminder: your reponses should be appropriate for this forum.
Fighting ignorance / The presentation of facts:
Select a thread of your choosing in GQ, GD, the Mailbag, or Comments on Cecil’s Columns. Post the OP, an argument which you wish to address, and a rebuttal to said argument which embodies all that is good about the Straight Dope. You must prove yourself worthy to represent the Teeming Millions.
SDMB history:
Identify the first thread to warrant selection for Threadspotting. You may enlist the assistance of the Teeming Millions; however, any thread posted to obtain this information must include a disclaimer stating the reason for desiring this information. Any thread implemented to assist you which does not conform to this stipulation will lead to immediate disqualification.
The glory of that which is mundane and pointless:
Start a thread in MPSIMS which constitutes a great thought. If the ensuing posts are comprised of more than general chatter and if the total post count exceeds 100 posts in three days, this task will be considered successful.
Sucking up to the Mods, Part II (a.k.a. Nen likes you):
SqrlCub: Deacon, already you have gone wrong. You were supposed to post that in a new thread.
kneeling humbly at the altar of the almighty SqrlCub
Oh, great master…what have I done to wrong thee? Please accept my humblest apologies and my sincere words, “What the hell are you talking about???” What exactly should I have posted in a new thread??? Are you referring to what you said: “In that thread you have to keep us updated on where you are in the current initiation process.”??
Well YEAH, Im gonna start a new thread with a list of your requirements as well as my progress on them…but my last post wasnt an update on the current initiation process! So are you saying I cant reply to something, I am only allowed to start my new thread?? So is THIS post not allowed as well?? Maybe you should be a little more clear…like what does “Hint: this is a place to pad your post count” mean?? I’m not exactly going to get 20+ responses on THAT thread, so how is it supposed to be one of my threads in every forum? And are you saying that I should post ANYTHING related to the initiation in my new thread?? I thought that was only supposed to be updates on my progress.
Thought this was supposed to be in fun…but I cant perform my humble acts of servitude if my master is not clear. I dont want to be beheaded just because Im a dumb newbie (or sub-newbie) who doesnt understand what is being asked of him.
He pores over the limited fruits of today’s efforts:
Falls back onto his bedroll. Cries out into the starless, empty darkness “Mistress! Lend me your strength! Mine is flagging…”
[sub]Urrrghhh… I guess the Nyquil never really wore off. And they gave me ANOTHER project - due tomorrow, of course. But I will prevail, Persephone! This I vow…
DynoPaul, it could be very well be really evil and involve all sorts of things including two-headed monkeys and (dare I say it?) … shudder … goats. Or she could just be really busy. I don’t know what to think.
Maybe if we say WELFY’s name enough times, WELFY will come and save us. WELFY?
Well, if you include staring at my fiber-optic tree for hours on end or sleeping as busy, I guess you’re right. :^)
I’m sorry I’m taking so long, guys. I’ll think of some questions soon. Since I’m lazy, I think most of the questions will pertain to me, and I’m going to have to dive WAAAAY back to find some extra-obscure trivia! wiggles eyebrows
Corvus, 'tis okay. We can still be friends, right?
I’ll adopt you, Dodgy. I guess I qualify as a regular by now, and since you do live in Austria, the land where my grandparents are from (Vienna), I’d be happy to have you do my bidding…uh, I mean, show you around. I’ll try to be gentle, I promise.
Well thanx StephenG…I had wondered that myself, but FOR WHOEVER’S LISTENING (aka SqrlCub), that WASN’T an answer to number 7, and it WASN’T an update!! It didnt need to be posted in my new thread. So THTPHPTTHPHPPHTHT! I will post new juicy gossip (sigh) in my new thread under number 7. Give me a break…is this supposed to be so f#@king serious? I originally wanted to do this in FUN. Oh well.
You also have to start a thread here cutting and pasting this post into it and title it Deacons Trucked’s initiation rites by Sqrl. In that thread you have to keep us updated on where you are in the current initiation process. (Hint: this is a place to pad your post count.) Also, in this thread you should state that explicit help on any of the informational requirements are not allowed. If you exclude this then I will have to put you up in the SDMB orphanage.
You have to post everything from the initiation in there. That way we can keep better track of your haz…um initiation. Any initiation things that you post in here don’t count until they are in that thread. You have seven items to go. Also, remember to post all your requirements that I listed on page 4.
PS. Just trying to show you the ropes as it were and get your name seen with the initiation. You will learn enough DDMB history to not be lost and ask the questions that no one wants to hear (aka in board fighting that occurs infrequently) and then have the chance for a lot of nice insightful comments since you will have a) gotten around b) learned about us c) Hi Opal (hint) d) and created enemies (life is no fun without a scapegoat, right name editted because I hate her?).
Thanks Ogre, and I agree. Thanx, SqrlCub, but I am clear on what to do, and I have been from the start. I just haven’t gotten around to starting that new thread yet because I dont even know if I’m still interested in doing this adoption thing as the fun of it has worn off a bit.
OK, no more posts here for me…I’ll post in the new Initiation thread from here on out.
Hehehee, I’m just looking out for my n00b. I will spank you when you are bad, hug you when you are good and call you George. We will get you to look like a reg soon enough.
It needn’t be long, you may select a single aspect of my persona if necessary.