The version that I remember started with Tommy asserting that they whistled the march in Bridge Over the River Kwai because it was “a dirty song”. They then start singing “Pretoria”, and:
“Sleep with me and I’ll sleep with you,
And [begins whistling]”
My grandson just moved out (he’s 22) to live with friends in Illinois. The day before he left we all had a couple rounds of “Marching to Peoria”.
Sweet violets.
Sweeter than all the roses.
Covered all over from head to toe.
Covered all over with
Sweet violets.
There once was a young man
Who took a young miss
Out by the barn where he have her a . . .
. . . Lecture on horses and chickens and eggs.
Told her she had the most beautiful . . .
Sweet violets.
Sweeter than all the roses.
Covered all over from head to toe.
Covered all over with
Sweet violets.
I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night when I went to the bathroom
I stepped in a big pile of…
Shaving Cream!
Keep yourself clean!
Shave every day
And you’ll always feel keen.
Now Old King Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl and he called for his Privates, three.
Beer, beer, beer, said the Privates.
Merry merry men are we; there are none so fair as can compare to the field ar-til-ler-y.
Now Old King Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he.
He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl and he called for his Corporals, three.
“One, two, one, two, one”, said the Corporals;
“Beer, beer, beer” said the Privates;
Merry merry men are we; there are none so fair as can compare to the field ar-til-ler-y.
Sergeants – “Left by squads, squads left”
Captains - “What’s my next command?”
Majors - “Where’re my boots and spurs?”
Colonels - “We want 30 days leave”
Generals - “The Army’s gone to hell”
I’ve forgotten the Lieutenants’ (Louies) bit and had to have the Captains’ reply as a training exercise/challenge explained to me as a kid.
In the version I learned, the lieutenants were referred to by the less-than-complimentary term of ‘shavetails’ – and their line went, “We do all the work!” said the shavetails.
-“BB”-
In play:
I’ve got sixpence – jolly, jolly sixpence.
I’ve got sixpence, to last me all my life.
I’ve got tuppence to spend, and tuppence to lend,
and tuppence to send home to my wife (poor wife!)
No cares have I to grie-ieve me,
No pretty little girls to decei-eive me,
I’m as happy as a king, belie-ieve me,
As we go rolling, rolling home.
Rolling home (rolling home), rolling home (rolling home),
As we go rolling, rolling ho-oh-oh-
Oh, happy is the day when the Navy gets its pay,
And we go rolling, rolling home.
(repeat 3X, substituting ‘fourpence’, ‘tuppence’, and ‘no pence’ for ‘sixpence’, and eliminating tuppence each time – first the wife’s allotment, then the tuppence to lend, and finally the tuppence to spend)
-“BB”-
I was born in a Dublin street where the loyal drums do beat
And those loving English feet, they tramped all over us;
Ande every single night, when my Dad would come home tight,
He’d invite the neighbors outside for this chorus:
Come out, ye Black and Tans, come out and fight me like a man!
Show your wife how you won medals down in Flanders!
Tell them how the IRA made you run like hell away
From the green and lovely lanes of Killashandra!
Erin go bragh!
One morning in a fit of pique
Sing rickety-tickety-tin
One morning in a fit of pique
She drowned her father in the creek
The water tasted bad for a week
And we had to make do with gin
With gin
And we had to make do with gin
“With a voice like that, you need it!”
– Roger “Race” Bannon (to Pasha Peddler)
Down by the bay
Where the watermelons grow
Back to my home
Where I don’t go
For if I did
My mother would say:
Did you ever see a goose
With its front tooth loose?
Down by the bay?
Tools was a baby rabbit
He was a friend of mine
His mama and papa
Brothers and sisters
Left him all behind
He came into our house
To brighten up a couple of days
Tools, you made me smile a lot
And I wish you could have stayed
Oh, I stuck my head in a little skunk hole
And the little skunk said, Well bless my soul…
Take it out, take it out, take it out…ReMOOOOVE it!
Well, I didn’t take it out and the little skunk said, Well you better take it out or you’ll wish you had…
Take it out, take it out, take it out…
PSSSSSSSSSST!
I removed it too late.
That brings back memories! My daughter loved Barney and Baby Bop. We’d sing “Down by the bay” very often, making up different versus “Have you ever seen a *************? Down by the bay”.
From an OLD thread on the Dope.
Flush the toilet every time
It don’t even cost a dime
Little ones won’t float on top
And all evil smells will stop.
Yes, flush the toilet
Yes, flush the toilet
Yes, flush the toilet
Your conscience tells you to.
Next to God is cleanliness
Dirty hands can cause distress
Ere your bathroom visit ends
Soap and water are your friends.
Yes, flush the toilet
Yes, flush the toilet
Yes, flush the toilet
Your conscience tells you to.
Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you…
We encourage constipation
While the train is at the station
If the train can’t go, then why should you?
-“BB”-
If you wish to pass some water,
kindly call the pullman porter,
He’ll place a vessel in the vestibule.
If the porter isn’t here,
Try the platform in the rear-
The one in front is likely to be full.
Where it began
I can’t begin to know when
But then I know it’s growin’ strong
Was in the spring
And spring became the summer
Who’d have believe you’d come along?
Hands
Touchin’ hands…
Reachin’ out…
Touching me, touchin’ you…
Land of the silver birch
Home of the beaver
Place where the wild moose
Wanders at will
Blue lakes and laughing shore
I will return once more…
From the land of sky-blue water,
From the land of pines, lofty balsams,
Comes the beer refreshing—
Hamm’s, the beer refreshing . . .