…the steamboat had a bell,
Mary went to heaven,
The steamboat went to…
Hell-o operator, give me number nine!
And if he doesn’t answer,
Then give me back my dime!
Once upon a time a goose drank wine,
A monkey chewed tobacco on a streetcar line.
The streetcar broke and the monkey choked,
And the all went to heaven in a little steamboat…
One dark night, in the middle of the day, two young boys went out to play -
Back to back, they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise, came over and killed the two dead boys.
If you don’t believe my lie is true, ask the blind man…
…he saw it too!
What other oddball rhymes or ditties do you remember from YOUR youth??
Miss Lucy had a steamboat
The steam boat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven,
The steamboat went to
HELL-o operator,
Please give me number nine
And if you disconnect me
I’ll kick you in the
BUT behind the 'fridgerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy slipped upon it
And broke her little
ASS-k me no more questions
I’ll tell you no more lies
Miss Lucy went to heaven
Chasing butterflies.
And there’s one in my head that I’m trying to remember - but I can’t remember the beginning or I’d have the whole thing. It’s one of the ones that we girls had the clapping things too - where we’d clap hands with each other, either in pairs or in groups, The one I’m thinking of had parts like:
I got a boyfriend
a-biscuit
He’s so-o sweet
a-biscuit
Ice cream soda with a cherry on TOP
Ice cream soda with a cherry on TOP
Down down baby, down down the rollercoaster
Sweet sweet baby, I’ll never let you go
(and that’s all I can remember at the moment).
Come on in Hoboes and Gents
Cross Eyed Mosquitoes and Bowlegged Ants
Free Admission so pay at the door
Pull up a chair then sit on the floor
We’re gathered here round this four cornered round table to tell you a story I never heard before.
Once one bright morning in the middle of the night
To dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their knives and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
He came a killed the two dead boys
If you don’t belive it’s true
Ask the blind man he saw it too!
I before E except after C
We live in a weird society
The initial version of this I heard was similar to the one Lsura posted, except it was Mary instead of Lucy, there was no But in the line Behind the refrigerator, and the ending was similar to the one C3 posted.
However, when I was eleven or so, my dad taught me the lyrics he knew growing up, which I found to be much more fun!
Mary had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell (toot toot)
Tommy found some dynamite and blew the boat to-
Hello operator, please give me number nine.
And if you disconnect me, give me back my dime.
Tommy and Jimmy are sitting in a ditch,
And one of them calls the other a dirty son-of-a
Beaver, beaver, sitting on a rock,
Along came a bee and stung him on the
Cocktails, ginger ale, five cents a glass,
And if you don’t like it, shove it up your
Ask me no more questions,
Tell me no lies.
These are the victims of the blue tailed flies.
The dark is like a movie
A movie’s like a show
A show is like a television set
And that is all
I KNOW I know my mother
I know I know my Pa
I know I know my sister with the
18-hour 18-hour 18-hour bra! bra! bra!
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and shot those two dead boys
If you don’t believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Hmm another one
Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack
All dress in black black black
With silver buttons buttons buttons
All down her back back back
She could not read read read
She could not write write write
But she could could could
Smoke her father’s pipe pipe pipe
She asked her mother mother mother
For fifty cents cents cents
To see the boys boys boys
Climb up the fence fence fence
They climbed so high high high
They reached the sky sky sky
And they never came back back back
'Til the fourth of July-ly ly-ly
and Miss Lucy I learned as Miss Suzy mostly the same but with a few minor differences
Hello operator
Give me number nine
and if you disconnect me
I’ll kick you in
Behind the yellow curtain
there was a piece of glass
Miss Suzy sat upon it
and hurt her little
Ask me no more questions
Tell me no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
Doing up their
Flies are in the city
the bees are in the park
Miss Lucy and her boyfriend
are kissing in the dark
and on through the ‘dark is like a movie’ only 18 hour bra sounds wrong. I forget what it was though. We also did Kit Kat, but that’s not strange it was just the jingle put to a clapping game.
Farmkid has learned a new version from his father, who is tickled by the fact that our new children’s librarian is named “Miss Mona” (and she’s lovely, too)
Miss Mona had a baby
She named him Tiny Tim
She threw him in the bathtub
To see if he could swim
He sank to the bottom
He floated to the top
Miss Mona got excited
And she grabbed him by the
Cocktails gingerale
5 cents a glass…
So I spent our drive home from the library explaining to a 5 year old the delicate essence of humor, and how some things are only funny at home.
Suffocation, super suffocation
Suffocation, a game you ought to play
First you take a plastic bag
Then you put it on your head
Go to bed
Wake up dead
Ah Ah Ah Ah
Electrocution, super 'lectrocution
Electrocution, a game you ought to play
First you take a real long bath
Then sit on the tv set
Turn it on
Now you’re gone
Ah Ah Ah Ah
Please tell me I’m not the only one who knew these. I’m not sick and deranged, I swear!
Oh, oh, oh! After my very first posts in the pit & looking like a jerk (bad me) I said I’d go back to lurkdom. I can’t! Here’s my very favorite childhood song (I still sing it in the shower & teach it to the urchins I babysit):
My mama don’t wear no socks, a ding-dong
I saw her when she took 'em off, a ding-dong
She threw them against the fence, a ding-dong
Haven’t seen the mailman since.
A ding-dong, dong, dong, dong
A ding-dong, dong, dong, dong
A ding-dong.
My mama don’t wear no socks, a ding-dong
I saw her when she took 'em off, a ding-dong
She threw them against the tree, a ding-dong
Now the dog just can’t pee.
A ding-dong…
…
She threw them on the floor…
Daddy won’t come back no more…
…
She threw them in the sky…
Superman refuses to fly…
The thing goes on forever.
My steamboat song was exactly like that of C3, but Miss Susie was the main character. Man, I miss being young.
Mizz Lucy had a baby
His name was Tiny Tim
She threw him in the bathtub
To see if he could swim
He drank up all the water
Ate up all the soap
He tried to eat the bathtub
But it woulndn’t go down his throat.
Miss Lucy called the doctor
The doctor called the nurse
The nurse called the lady with the aligator purse
There’s another verse I no longer remember.
Here’s another one I just remembered
My eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We’ve locked up all the teachers
We’ve broken every rule
We shot the principal
Now it’s really cool
Glory Glory Halleluah
The teacher hit me with a ruler
I met her at teh door with a loaded forty four
and sha sint gona teach no more
I can’t remember how it ends. Something about marching on though.
Another sick and deranged person here! Damn, I wish I had known that second verse about 20 years ago…
How 'bout some classic “to the tune of”?
On top of old Smokey / all covered with grass
I shot my poor teacher / right in the ass
I shot her with pleasure / I shot her with pride
I couldn’t have missed her / she was 40 feet wide
I went to her funeral / I went to her grave
All the people threw flowers / I threw hand grenades
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher / we have broken every rule
We got into the office and we killed the principal
Our truth is marching on
Glory glory halleluliah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I hid behind the door
With a loaded .44
Now the teacher ain’t the teacher no more!
Damn, Catholic school kids are bloodthirsty little monsters!