Remember Miss Lucy?

Miss Lucy bought a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven, the steamboat went to
Hello, operator. Give me number nine
If you disconnect me, I’ll chop off your
Behind the 'frigerator there was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy sat upon it and it went right up her
Assssssk me no more questions tell me no more lies
Boys are in the bathroom pulling up their
Flies are in the kitchen, Bees are in the park
Boys and girls are kissing in the D-A-R-K dark, dark, dark.

I just found that in my old files. Does anyone remember it? It is often used as a foil, if someone wants to imply swearing (say on TV) but not actually do it. (Kate and Allie used it once in the 80’s.)

I just wonder where it originated? Or do we even know? Tell me if you know.

It’s obviously not obscene. And I don’t believe it has a copyright either.


For us it was Susie

For me it was a schoolyard clapping game that clearly demonstrated that girls were more clever than boys. The boys all listened to Dr. Demento on Sunday nights but we could never remember the lyrics to any song the next morning at school.

I never heard that version, but it reminded me of Wendy’s song from South Park.


Was Miss Susie for me.

But the operator part, it was:

Hello Operator,
Please dial Number 9,
And if you disconnect me,
I’ll kick your fat behind…

We used to sing:

Casey and Murphy were digging in a ditch,
Casey called Murphy a dirty son of a
Beaver, beaver, sitting on a rock,
Along came a bumble bee and stung him on his
Cocktail, ginger ale, five cents a glass,
If you don’t like it, shove it up your
Ask me no questions and I will tell no lies,
Casey hit Murphy, and now he’s paralyzed.

I was singing this in the back seat of the car. Before I finished, my father turned around and beat the shit out of me. He almost got us into an accident.

^^I just burst out laughing at that!

Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies
That’s what Suzy told me the day before she
Dyed her hair in purple, she dyed her hair in pink
She dyed her hair in polka dots
And washed it down the sink
I think

This one is much tamer. I imagine this was from the 1800s. My great aunt would sing this to me and my sisters when we were all in the car together. We would always request it. We thought it was a real hoot!

Oh Mrs. Bliss went out to
Pick some flowers.
And in the grass she wet her
Ankles in the dew.
And in the coop she let a
Poor old chicken die.
And in the cart she let a
Farmer pass her by.

Mary had a little lamb, she thought it was quite silly,
To throw him up into the air and catch him by his,
Willy was a sheepdog, running through the grass,
Along came a bee and stung him on the,
Ask no questions, tell no lies,
I saw a policeman open up his,
Flies are a nuisance, wasps are worse,
That is the end of my little verse.

This is word-for-word the version I learned.

Also, it’s been suggested this would have a better home in Cafe Society. PM me if you have strong feelings either way.

I think it was Susie for us, too. But us boys didn’t really learn it, for the most part – we just heard the girls sing it while jump-roping or playing that hand clapping game. I do remember one girl trying to teach it to me along with the hand clapping game, but I just gave up after a few minutes, so I don’t remember the exact name used, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Lucy in my neighborhood.

The boys equivalent, or rather the Dr. Demento equivalent, that follows this trope (slightly differently) would of course be “Shaving Cream” by Benny Bell.

It was Susie for me, too- and I think some minor differences, it was definitely a clapping game.

I’ll kick you (right? It makes less sense though)
Behind the 'frigerator there was a piece of glass
Miss Susie sat upon it and cut her little
Ask me no more questions
I’ll tell you no more lies…

Oh and it was

Flies are in the meadow, bees are in the park…

The version I learned had a few more verses:

The dark is like a movie, the movie’s like a show,
The show is like a TV set, and that is all I
Know I know my mother, I know I know my father,
I know I know my sister with the eighteen-dollar, eighteen-dollar, eighteen-dollar, bra-bra-bra!

For the opposite gimmick, there’s “Bold Sir John.”

Yeah, I remember that verse, but our version went like this (and I’m on Team Miss Susie, although I think there were other songs about Miss Lucy):

Dark is like a movie,
A movie’s like a show,
A show is like a program, and this is what I know,
I know-I know my mother,
I know-I know my pa,
I know-I know my sister with the 80-meter bra.

Our version was:

Ask your mother for sixpence to see the big giraffe
He sticks his head between his legs and whistles up his…
Aunty Mary had a canary, she also had a duck,
She took them behind the kitchen door and taught them how to…
Fry an egg for breakfast, fry and egg for tea,
The more you eat, the more you drink, the more you want to…
Peter had a boat, the boat began to rock, up jumped Jaws and bit him on the…
Cocktails, ginger-ale, 40c a glass
If you don’t like it, then shove it up your
Ask no questions, tell no lies
I saw a policeman doing up his
Flies are bad, mosquitos are worse
And this is the end of my silly little verse.


In my neighborhood, it was Andy who had the steamboat.

And in Ring Around the Rosie, the last part was pussy cat, pussy cat, all fall down! instead of ashes, ashes…