Phew! I saw that Eutychus55 had posted and thought “Great! We’ve been moved to a new time slot or network already!” 
I’ll be the Special Guest Star, a.k.a. has-been actor from last decade’s hit sitcom, who plays the crusty old college professor who really turns out to be cooler than the regular characters. (…major applause after every line…)
I can’t believe that no one jumped on this, but here I am-
the blissfully unaware object of dpr’s affection! I truly value him as a friend, and tell him so frequently. I don’t understand why this takes the smile off of his face.
Isn’t having a friend a good thing?
So here is the deal. I have a thing for Democritus, who never answers the door without peering through the spy hole and making sure that his neighbor’s dad is not on the other side. I am SSSOOOO blissfully unaware that I do not find this suspicious.
Did I mention that I am oh so sweet, and oh so dumb?
Scotti
Has anyone applied to be the Shoe Salesman, who’s sole joys in life are hooters, the tv remote, and the occasional re-living of his glory days as a high school football star? If not, I’ll apply.
I also do a mean Elvis immitation
::Well, since mah bebe left me…::
I shall be the wacky neighbor, the one who nobody likes but who comes over all the time anyway. Manny times I will stand with my ear to the kitchen door, epitome of irony.
I cheerfully volunteer for the part of the token Indian female. So do I run the local newstand, eatery, or do I drive people around?
BTW, tiggeril is my daughter. I was really, really young when I had her, but that is another story.
I worry about my dear one, running that newstand, or slinging hash at the local diner. I put my foot down when it came to possibly driving people around. She ignored me, of course, but I tried.
When you are almost as young as your baby, it is hard to be an authority figure!
I’ll be the helpful friend who marries tiggeril so she won’t get deported.
being Indian, I’ll show an almost slavish loyalty to my mom, even though she doesn’t want me working at the corner diner (an alternative hangout to the bar, perhaps?)
meanwhile, eventually, we will discover that I was madly in love with xizor since I came to the States… BUT… um… er… damn. I lost my thought.
Well, we can’t be in a bar with out a newbie bartender with incredibly non-funny lines, that get laughed at anyways because the “laugh” light is flashing, with the exception of one good line per episode, just so i don’t become hated like urkel.
I am the quirky best friend of the female lead who makes sarcastic replies to everything the male lead says. And I have a strange name…like Swiddles. My catch-phrase is “Shyah, right!”
Okay, beautiful. We’ve filled out the whole checklist of characters, backstories, and even have a laugh track! Now, to review the main characters:
Monster: Cool guy. Off again on again with Rachelle.
Jester: Clumsy, goofy best-friend type.
Rachelle: Flirty, clumsy, nice, but somewhat dense girl. Love interest.
dpr: Cynic. Has all the good lines.
MannyL: Nerd. Has all the bad lines.
Wump: New bartender. Has all the worst possible lines.
Tiggerill: Token minority. Waitress at the bar.
All the rest of you support, laugh, be yourselves, etc. Primary hangout is the bar, but also Monster’s house with the creepy guy next door and the cafe.
Now, we just need a good plot. Wait…it’s a sitcom. Screw the good part. BUT, we do have to work in a child molestor, torrid love affair, realization of true character, and many more tintillating side stories. Any ideas?
Oh, bit players are still quite welcome. Maybe even new main ones, if the others get killed, maimed, or frustrated to the point of quitting.
Can I be the offbeat, slightly bizarre regular, who possibly develops a secret crush on the goofy best friend or the nerd (or both) as the show develops?
So, I’m sitting in my kitchen pouring a cup of coffee for dpr, and confiding my concerns about tiggeril. She works SO hard, and I worry that she never has any fun.(Little do I know…)
I comment to dpr that I am really lucky to have such a good friend, and he looks as though he would like to bean me with the coffee pot. I am just about to ask him what on earth is the matter, when the door opens and my best friend Kat walks in.
Kat may be offbeat and slightly bizarre, but she is REALLY bright, and she takes the situation in with one glance. Deftly removing the coffee pot from within dpr’s reach, she brightly asks us what is up?
I volunteer to be the ex-magician con-man with a heart of gold. I show up to scam everyone out of their money once in a while, but most of the time I help your guys out when you’re in a jam (ie. lost all your money at a card game, and need to win it back). And when you think I’ve just double-crossed you, it turns out I was just double-crossing the bad guys.
I’m street smart, goofily handsome, somewhat rugged, and am always wearing a fedora. I’m Rob the Hat.
Can I be a recurring character who shows up everyone once in a while when audiences get bored with the same group? (I would have applied to be dpr’s love interest, but Scotti beat me.) I could be the neighbor who’s about the same age as the main characters (mid-20s) but is somewhat too mysterious and odd to be important. I show up and say weird things and drop hints and speak in different accents all the time.
I’ll be the wise-cracking bureaucrat who one of the stars gets frustrated by, because I insist on a green card ID and (s)he is a US citizen.
::enters Scotticher’s kitchen, slamming purse on the counter and helping herself to a cup of coffee and a muffin::
I had the worst date last night. I only went out with him so I wouldn’t have to cook dinner, but really!! It was the worst. Why doesn’t someone set me up on a blind date. Someone nice, cute, great body, has a job and a car… someone who won’t wipe their mouth on their tie like the loser I went out with last night!! C’mon, someone must know someone I can go out with.
<Falls in through the window, knocking over a number of plates, utensils, food. Walks to the counter nonchalantly,
picks up a muffin>
<Notices the stares>
What! It’s closer to the house than the door!
<laugh>
Yeah, Rachelle, I know what you mean. There are just NO single guys worth dating in this town.
(dpr, rummaging around in the fridge for a snack, turns to glare at Scotti.)
Hey Rach! What about that cute new magician appearing at the Purple Palace? I hear he is really dreamy. Maybe we should get a group together and take in the show tonight. Dpr will come, he is always willing to help out a friend.
(Dpr stomps out, mumbling under his breathe, something about how stupid can a woman get and furthermore, this particular woman and brains and being behind a door when they were passed out)
Rachelle and Scotti turn to watch him go and Scotti comments absentmindedly “He sure has been in a weird mood lately. Maybe we should find him a girlfriend!”
Rachelle rolls her eyes and asks “Well, why don’t you then?”
Scotti feels a little nauseous, and it confuses her.
Phone rings-it is Tiggeril, calling from work.