hehehe.
I hope this doesn’t offend Monster. I’m a lucky gal to have him.
Jester is hoping to find Kat, Rachelle, Kyla at Scotti’s boarding house. He really, really needs some advice badly-
he can’t find Chantelle, and he is afraid he has lost her for good. Unfortunately, when he gets to the house, he sees that his ladder to the kitchen window has been removed.
This is distressing to Jester, as he will have to overcome his dooraphobia in order to enter.
But…he LOVES that woman, and nothing is going to stand in the way of him getting her back. And he knows that the ladies will be able to tell him what to do. So, he gathers up ALL his strength and (gasp) actually opens the kitchen door!
Cut to inside the kitchen, where Kat had noticed Jester coming down the street some moments earlier. Wanting to salvage the lemon merangue and strawberry cream cheese cakes, Rachelle and Scotti each grab a pie and back over to the kitchen door. Watching the window for Jester’s entrance, they don’t notice the door opening. Turning in surprise at Jester’s cry of “Hello!”, Rachelle drops her pie, Jester slips in it and puts his face in Scotti’s pie on the way down.
Enter, from living room stage left…
Monster and Feely;xizor and tiggeril;MannyL and JavaM;
struuter and Dr. Killdeer; screech and Tradesilicon; and Chantelle.
<wiping pie off face>
<sigh> I’ve come to drown my sorrows in a cup of supre-mocha-java-sexy-latte-o’matic. Chantelle won’t even acknowledge me, I’m still shaking from the “door” incident, I have NO idea what’s going on with everybody’s relatives anymore, the network’s yelling, and i HATE banana pie.
<nervous laughter from audience, who don’t get the network joke>
Anyway, I was hoping you guys could help, at least with the Chantelle thing. See, it all started when…
<Just as Jester begins to speak, music blares, and a familiar looking Elvis impersonator shimmies out onto stage.>
Network note to Jester:
Ya’ know, babycakes, I think our ratings are starting to slip. Do you think maybe we should add a sarcastic and flip child actor to spice things up? I seem to recall that an extremely talented actress named Swimming Riddles auditioned a few season’s ago, do you think maybe she is still available?
Also, it may be time to heat up the Democritus/Silver_Fire kidnap plot. That could take all season, ending with a great cliff-hanger trial.
BTW, I have decided to help you out with the dpr problem. Consider BevHills98210 CANCELLED, as we speak. Now get on the horn and see if dpr can “do lunch,” "kay? We have some serious work ahead of us. Well, actually YOU do. I am just the money man.
Aaron
** Extra long Season finale **
Episode starts off with the gang sitting around goofing off. Scotti walks in and asks if anyone has seen tiggeril lately. Lots of head shaking. “Why?”
“She hasn’t visited and I can’t get in touch with her. When last we spoke she had caught up with Spoofe.”
At this Xizor snorts. “I haven’t seen her since those two ran off to ‘go shopping’” He makes apostrophes in the air discontentedly.
Scotti looks at him strangely for a second and says: “You silly boy, Spoofe is her cousin!”
Xizor looks shocked “WHAT!?! He’s REALLY her cousin? crowd laugh I thought she was just… oh crap!!”
On the other side of the room, Jester is talking to Rachelle and Struuter about his Chantelle problems. Gender jokes abound (like “Don’t worry Jes, women are like penguins. Interesting, fun to play with and beautiful – but you wouldn’t want to own one” (that was Monster passing through))
Finally the girls agree to organise a meeting with Chantelle where they’ll explain the situation and have Jester on hand to swoop in once the misunderstanding is cleared up. Struuter is excited because she’s also bringing Gilligan the rakish doctor. Rachelle decides to bring Monster (she could be interested as she looks at his butt as he walks by – but we’re not quite sure).
Switch back to Xizor who has rung Spoofe only to discover that she’s not there – her cousin and her parted days ago and he has no idea where she went!!
In a panic, xizor and monster decide not to tell Scotti, but after telling Jester quietly they head off into the streets to search for the missing girl.
Their absence is barely noticed by the girls who have now started about Scotti’s big date tonight with ruggedly handsome Rip Carson – a highschool sweetheart who has suddenly materialised between episodes.
They giggle like schoolgirls as they discuss how big his biceps are and how much money the young millionaire is worth now. Scotti is very excited herself – Rip is almost a dream man. Jester meanwhile is going through the fridge.
Scotti leaves the room and Rachelle turns to struuter and says “its good to see her happy again.”
Struuter replies: “Yeah, maybe she can put dpr behind her now.”
Sad music and fade
Scene change finds Monster and xizor in the streets.
X: “This is hopeless. And tell me again exactly why you thought she’d be in a topless bar.”
crowd laughs
Monster shrugs while going through the telephone numbers he’s collected: “You never know – she’s a very liberal-minded young girl” he says defensively.
They look around hopelessly as Jester comes along with his now clean suit (in preperation for the big night tonight). Greetings are followed by another wave of xizor self-pity.
“Anything could have happened to her. She might have been killed or kidnapped or…”
Jester breaks in – “If you want to know how a kidnapper thinks you could ask that democritus neighbour. When I visited him the other day – you know when struuter’s cat went crazy – he had kidnapping plans all over the place, cos apparently he’s writing a book on it or something.” Jester wanders off with the other two guys watching him go shaking their heads at Jester’s naivety.
Monster gets dramatic: “Quick boy rotunda – to the bat apartment.”
They run off towards the apartment blocks as strange music (a cross between 5the normal theme song and the old batman theme) plays.
Scene change: Scotti is picked up for her date with Rip. He IS very handsome and suave and rich. Everything Scotti deserves. The crowd ooh and aah. They exchange pleasantries which end up with a few suggestive comments. It’s nice to see Scotti smile again.
Scene change. The boys (Monster and Jester) have broken into Demo’s apartment (despite their ineptness which was very funny btw). They find the plans as they sneak silently through etc. Unfortunately, demo returns and the boys go through a slapstick hiding while he’s in the room, going to sneak out when he’s not, almost getting caught and being forced to hide again… etc.
However they DO overhear Demo muttering to himself as he gazed at his plans at one stage “Soon the time will come, soon.”
Scene change: a bar where struuter and Gilligan, Rachelle (without Monster whose elsewhere and she’s very upset at being stood up) and the newly-arrived Chantelle. (Jester is hidden in the background) Things don’t go well for our heroines as Chantelle seems very icy. The girls try their best and yet, after a short bathroom break where they comically get accosted by a desperate Jester) they start returning the bitchiness. Gilligan being unaware of the background defends the lovely supermodel and in an unexpected twist Gilligan and Chantelle start flirting and leave with each other, leaving the two girls staring after them in shock.
Cut back to Scotti’s apartment (aka main hangout) where Monster and xizor enter talking “So he hasn’t done it yet so WHERE THE HECK IS TIGGERIL???”
“Here I am” she says walking out of the bathroom
The boys are in shock. Monster recovers first: “Where have you been?”
T shrugs – “Me and some school buddies went to Atlantic City for a few days on the spur of the moment.”
Xizor looks exasperated: “WHAT!?! And you didn’t tell anyone??? Why would you NOT tell anyone?”
Tiggeril rolls her eyes at him and turns back to the TV “Duh!!! I’m a teenager.”
Monster has to hold xizor back.
Crowd laughs.
cut back to Scotti and Rip over dinner in a café/bar
Scotti and Rip are engaging in conversation about the arts and the like. Dinner has gone wonderfully. He mentions that as well as being interested in art and the ballet, he’s also currently studying philosophy.
Scotti chuckles and says: “A friend of mine once described a degree in philosophy as being qualified for after dinner conversation.” She said recalling with a smile a line dpr once used in season One.
Rip half sneers for a second: “Oh I’m not one of those trendy psuedo yuppy types who sit around with their friends entertaining each other with snappy one liners making fun of what they don’t understand.”
Scotti looks at him strangely for a long second and says slowly : “No. No, you’re not” And looks down at her drink. Long pause. The mood changes. “Actually Rip I don’t think this … US… .is going to work out.”
The stunningly handsome Rip is shocked “Why??”
“You’re not d….” pauses with a wistful smile “You’re just not what I’m looking for right now.”
crowd: awwwwwwwwww
Rip looks at her, smiles then says “I understand. You want to be left alone?” She needs and he gets up. “I hope you find what you’re looking for Scotti” he says before stoically striding from the café/bar.
Scotti hardly notices him leave. She’s staring down but not seeing. She sighs deeply…
Scene change: bar where a very stunned struuter, a depressed Jester and a still miffed Rachelle are sitting around.
Struuter manages a “Now what?”
They all look at each other and simultaneously nod and say “get drunk.”
Crowd laughs
cutback to Scotti who’s the last customer in the café/bar. She’s sitting with a drink in front of her next to several empty glasses. She still looks forlorn
“How YOU doin’?”
The voice is soft – almost subdued – but it’s very familiar. Scotti whirls to see a tanned, very buff yet travelworn dpr in the doorway.
crowd catches their breath as one
He’s just standing, looking at her. He seems almost sad. No zany smile, no witty comeback on his lips, just a look some would almost call mournful.
Scotti leaps to her feet. “DPR!! Wha…”
“Shhh, no words.” He said. He looks at her for a few more seconds before abruptly walking quickly across the room, taking her in his arms and kissing her (deep and long).
crowd goes ballistic
lights dim as their kiss continues
fade out
fade back in with a cheesy riff from the them
Close up of Jester in bed as he wakes. He appears to be naked (sitcom speak: heis shoulders are bare). He rolls over groggily and is pleasantly surprised to encounter a woman. The camera pans back as he starts to say “Chant…” Crowd and he discover simultaneously that it is in fact a sleeping Rachelle!!! (also ‘naked’)
Crowd gasps with a few woohoos thrown in.
Then the camera fully pans back as Jester sits up suddenly. On the other side of him is struuter!!!
Jester is aghast: “OH… MY…. GOD!!!”
cue chyrons and credits
Now we need a BAD sitcom for the off-ratings season…. Where’s that child actor? We’ll give her some clichés and lots of cheesy close-ups…
dpr, you are now THE official writer for this show. God, that was poetry in motion. And no pies! I like that! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…well, I would get the pepsi girl for the child actor, but she’s wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too creepy. Shudder. So, if we can track down Swimming Riddles, I’m all for it. If not, there was this girl begging for change on the corner today, who looked good for sitcoms…
You’re just saying that because you got two naked women in bed aren’t you? 
Wow, I’m lost. Where’s Demo? Have I been kidnapped yet? ::flustered:: I don’t know what to do!! How old am I? Can I be snatched while selling girl scout cookies?
Aside to Silver Fire (notice that we lost the _ once we realized that the babe changed her name) Hey, honey, we don’t really NEED Demo, we can always recast. So this is a golden opportunity to create your own character. How old do you WANT to be? I would suggest old enough to interact with adults, so you can subsequently interact with all of the quirky (read REALLY quirky, if you get my drift) adults on this show. However, it is really your decision. Isn’t that delicious?
Actually, ** * Dopers * ** is on haitius now between seasons. She can wait for its stunning return or have her own show in the non-ratings period.
Silver Fires (no apostrophe)… got a ring about it…
and we can make guest appearances or appear as regulars as long as we’re disguised (the network doesn’t want overexposure of their best young talent).
Scotti, can I be your friend? Then I can come to your house. How old are you? I really should have kept up with this thing. Whoops.
::tragically, Silver Fire was killed in a freak blow drying accident… although we mourn our loss, the show must go on::
I “go to the moon” for a couple days and the show has it’s season finally!!! (a mighty fine one i might add)
acctually my going to the moon was a cover for while i was camping for a couple days, but uh, obviously i came back without knowing it… lol
once again, that was some damn nice writing dpr
'kay, here is the deal. Silver Fire is Scotti’s friend from high school. She was out of town like a bat out of hell the minute we graduated.
Now, it seems she has had a change of heart about this small town, as Scotti has run into her and determined that Silver Fire has moved home, and is feeling really content to be here.
So, Scotti invites her to take a shower in the boardinghouse. After all, she is Scotti’s friend, non? So now, we have various cast members running around Scotti’s boardinghouse. I don’t want to be crass, or anything, but most of them are horny.
Someone else needs to continue the script, as Scotti is feeling like she could use some help with this whole mess. Much as Scotti is enjoying this, she is of the opinonion that no one else is enjoying it as much as she is.
So, get involved or don’t. Whatever.
( No matter what you decide, I do reserve the right to enjoy the kiss from dpr. YOWZA!)
I’m feeling a little exhausted from this morning’s spontaneous outpouring myself…
And I’m feeling VERY exhausted from that kiss. Oh what the cameras would have missed after the lights faded… 
I see that before I get a chance to take my role, I was written off the script. 
What was my role anyways? It looked like I was some chef that got everything wrong, ala Jack Tripper.
Excellent season finale. Despite the noticeable lack of Kylaness.
But do I really need to mention that it is time once again for the season to start up again? It’s September, people.
Besides, I’m dying to see what happens after the menage a trois.
What’s sad is that the story so far is better than most of the crap currently on TV.
Oh, is there any way to write me in? I can be the Arch-Nemesis (not to be confused with the Arch-Delux …) of the main charaters. I’m a cold-hearted, cynical, Scrooge-like meanie who kicks puppies for fun.
You can make me either a millionaire tycoon who’s a slumlord, or a drifter who likes causing a rucus whereever he goes, or maybe even someone working for the mafia (which, of course, as we all know, doesn’t really exist cough).
All I really want is for the music to suddenly get ominous whenever I enter the scene.
What is sad about that?
I think the writing on this series was excellent, funny and quite entertaining.
Of course, I may be a tiny, tiny bit prejudiced.
Carry on, a new writer always brings fresh perspective to a show!
Scotti