The SDMB Sitcom!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
121

“‘Kay, Feely, we may as well show struuter the best places to shop in town. Lets go, and remember to keep a sharp eye out for mysterious characters. Yes, struuter, this IS that kind of town. (It makes for more confusing and amusing interaction between the regulars, doncha’ know?)”

The happily united family rushes out the door, completely ignoring poor jester, who is drowning his sorrows in what remains of the banana cream pie. 'Bout this time, jb-farley walks in and helps himself to a piece of the pie. “You look like you lost your best friend, Jester, 'whus up?”

Meanwhile, family strolls into the classiest shoe store in town, and tradesilicon comes over to wait on them. “Can I show you beautiful women some blue suede shoes?” He asks, then breaks into a rousing version of “Blue Suede Shoes.” (He is auditioning his Elvis imitator act at JavaM’s this evening, and he needs practice.

Meanwhile, back at JavaM’s…

122

<Producer Jester walks in, reading a script and looking confused.>

(Uhmmmmmmmmmmm…yeah, sure, that works. Errr…what’s going on again? Oh, well. As long as it keeps the ratings up, and the checks I’m writing don’t go up. In fact, Scotti, since you’ve become a second producer, from now on I give you this, the coveted…

<green light>

Use it when you’ve got an idea that doesn’t change the universe, and just assume that I gave it in agreement. Just cut and paste. Now, back to that pie.)

123

OOPS-Sorry Jester-Just trying to use as much of the cast as possible. :frowning:

You want I should stick to the script, or something?

124

Script? We have a script? How come no one told me? sidles up next to Scotti Psst, Scotti, how can I get a copy of that?

A moment later, Kat wanders through the kitchen and moves a couple of pies (one lemon meringue, one strawberry cream cheese) strategically on the counter underneath the window.

125

(Aside to Kat) There IS no script, hon, but it’ll be better for us if Jester never figures it out. Do you think he’d let us get away with this pie business if he didn’t think it was in the script? BTW, very good strategic placement of pie #1 and pie #2!

Kat and Scotti start giggling and head out the front door, nearly running over screech_owl, who is sitting on the front door step hoping for enough screen time to get his union card.

“Oh, come on, screech. You can join us for dinner at JavaM’s, and we can all cheer tradesilicon while he auditions his act.”

Cut to JavaM’s, where seriousart and Rachelle are sharing soulful glances over a couple of shots of absinthe…

126

Meanwhile, overcome with his seemingly unrequited passion for Scotti - and indeed her apparent hatred of him - dpr decides he can’t fac it at the moment. Accordingly he decides on some time away at an exotic location (where inevitably everyone else will flock to over some flimsy reason for the season-ending finale).

Cut to the girls and their infamous shopping escapade (full of lots of stereotypes and shopping gags). We’ll skip the part where they hang around the guys changing rooms though and go straight to where they run into Monster…

127

No, it’s not funny! He means they REALLY run into Monster!

“Poor Monster! What have we done to you?” Feely falls to her knees, cradling Monster’s head in her lap. "How could we be so stupid as to run into you with a wheelbarrow full of purchases, including a garden rake, lots of lingerie, some leather pants and a weed whacker!

(We got the best deal on the wheelbarrow, if we bought the rake and the weedwhacker, they said we could have the wheelbarrow for half-price! Isn’t that great, Monstermylove? I mean, we really didn’t NEED the rake or the whacker, but in order to get the wheelbarrow, which we DID need, for half price, we HAD to buy them.

Oh, why am I babbling on, when you might be seriously hurt?"

Monster opens his eyes, and thinks he has died and gone to heaven. Well, at least to the moon, 'cuz isn’t that where Feely was headed last time he saw her?

Kat, struuter and Scotti, meanwhile, are arguing over whether they should call 911, or just carry Monster into JavaM’s restaurant. After all, her chocolate cake can cure just about anything that ails you, right?

Enter, stage right—Gilligan, the handsome and mysterious stranger. He walks up to struuter, and takes her hand-kissing it, he says “I am the oh so famous Dr. Killdeer-it appears that you may need my assistance?”

General swoons by Kat and Scotti, as well as all the woman from JavaM’s, who have come outside to see what all the commotion is about…

128

*Monster walks on stage, with an uncomfortable look on his face. *

::Slight laughter from audience, as well as some female cat-calls::

Ah…I have to…AHH…sneeze! AHHCHOOO!

A look of contentment passes over Monster’s face…

Sooo…who’s up for sex?

::Wild applause from the audience::

129

Over at JavaM’s:

I’ve decided to make it “family night” this night, because, heck, I might be a chef, but there are times I want to sit down and chat with my customers now and again. I’ve got all-you-can-eat herb roasted chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, salad, and all those other fixin’s that make a dinner good. I’ve even decided to try out an all-you-can-eat dessert table, that I’ll set up by the stage.

After setting up several cakes, pies, and other sundry sweets, I stop to watch tradesilicon who is warming up for his audition. I give him a good up and down, and say:

“You’ve got the Elvis, but you ain’t got the pelvis…”

<audience laughter>

“let me show you how it’s done…” :: pulls off chef’s cap for the first time on series, exposes long, wavy (and, since it’s TV, it’s perfectly styled under the cap!), auburn hair; takes off chef’s jacket to expose a tight white T-shirt and a rather buxom figure::

<some male “whoo-hoos” from the audience>

:: gets up on stage, does a quick, yet perfect Elvis impersonation, down to the lip-curl and pelvis shakin’::

<audience applause>

“Now, you try it again!”

Tradesilicon does it again, and nails it.

:: I beam a huge smile :: “Ok, I think that’s good enough. Hope you’re ready to start tonight, looks like I’ve got a crowd comin’.”

130

MannyL sits in the audience, transfixed by JavaM’s bounteous and perfectly porportioned figure. Who knew what she was hiding under that apron and hat!

At last, a reason to live! MannyL is IN LOVE, baby!

131

:Screech quietly gets up and follows them, with a short stop at make-up and wardrobe to get clean costume (“odd, bits of pie filling are being slung about randomly”) for scene change (preferable female costume this time)…

Considers filing a grievance against studio when union card arrives, but thinks better of it. Might get two union cards - one for female roles and one for male roles - save the studio some money in the long-run by hiring for multiple parts, more versitile actor, studio needs only one private dressing-room trailer on the backlot…not a bad idea.

Quick stop to check laugh track - running smoothly. Great.

Follows crew to JavaM’s, takes seat in background (in camera range [obviously]) without overshadowing main cast.

132

:Picks up new book to read during dinner - a dictionary to check word spellings before posting. Calls agent on cell-phone (ringer off) to see if spelling ability is a vital part of studio contract.:

133

OOPS! screech, did I do it again? I seem to be having gender confusion issues. (Changes script-crosses out male pronouns and changes them to female pronouns.) That better?

Just be glad that I found out before I rustled you up a love interest of the wrong sex! (I am covered with shame)

So, screech, who strikes your fancy? I think that Tradesilicon is available, (I just realized that I don’t KNOW for sure that he/she is a man-is there such a thing as a female Elvis impersonator?

My head is starting to hurt.

134

Scotti, tradesilicon is a man. :smiley: And a nice one,too.

135

So…When do I get to dance?

136

Thanks, struuter honey-See, I told you I needed to keep you as a sister!

Feely, feel free to dance all you want. Maybe you could audition after Tradesilicon? Or, maybe you should grab Monster and do some “dirty dancing?” Just remember to keep your clothes on-this is still airing during the family hour!
:smiley:

137

Hey struuter! Where did you and Dr. Killdeer disappear to after he took care of Monster’s injuries?

*“Note to network” Please attempt to sabotage dpr’s gig with BH90210-If you could arrange to get the series cancelled, this would be a good thing.

Alternate plan-offer dpr big bucks to quit the series and return to Dopeville, USA. Ratings are beginning to suffer, and Scotti is starting to get restless.*

138

There’s no telling what diseases Monster is carrying around! Come on, everyone knew that the Fonze on Happy Days was rampant with std’s!! These are modern times, we must be careful. Abstinence! We need a good family message. No offense, Monster. heh heh.

139

Actually, we just exchanged light banter. A lot of meaningful looks, veiled statements. I am more confused than before.
But he wouldn’t let me pay him for helping Monster, so I suppose that’s good…

140

Sheesh, Feely, do you think I would allow my sister to date a jock and ladies man like Monster if I didn’t KNOW for a fact that he is morally upright and waiting for the right girl to come along? Of course, I have always intended for that girl to be tiggeril, but let’s face it-she isn’t giving her old mom the time of day lately. So–onward and forward, let the dating dance begin!