(Network Note: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! Feelyat AND Wump left? This is no good! Think of the ratings disaster! No! Now our plot makes NO sense at ALL! We’re…wait, you’re right. NO sitcom’s plot makes sense. Oh, well, then, let’s get back to givin the audience what they want, then.)
<Jester gets hit in face with pie>
whispers um…uh, hey Jester? Is it too late in the season for me? This is my favorite new series…can you find room for me? Or do you have a full cast?
<fade to black for four seconds>
song from 1995’s Top 40 starts playing, conveying desperation to appear hip
The New 2001 Olentzero. Best in its class three years in a row - “Cracksmokin’ Auto Drivers” magazine. 2000 Quality Award for Most Ergonomically Shaped Ashtrays - “Bubba Dubose Engineering Institute”. Affordably priced to move! Catch the 2001 Olentzero at your local dealer today.
<music fades, fade to black>
Fischbinder’s Garlic Mayonnaise Lite. All the great taste of roasted garlic in a lite mayonnaise spread. Perfect for that afternoon snack you just can’t do without. And with only 3 grams of fat per serving, it’s heart sensitive. Fischbinder’s Garlic Mayonnaise Lite. In the condiments section at your local grocer’s.
<fade to black>
show’s theme song plays
Keep rootin’ thru the fridge. Dopers will be back in a minute.
<fade to black>
Broadcasting corporation’s logo shows up on screen, juxtaposed with several photos of Dopers cast clowning around for the camera; funky bass line percolates throughout, ending with a four-note hook where the letters SDTV are individually accented, and the photos change with each note
show’s theme song plays again
Gotcher snacks? Good. Have a seat - Dopers is back.
Note to viewers-
"The part of the gorgeous and sexy young vixen is now being played by struuter. Struuter is Feelyat’s twin sister, except that the character has succumbed to SRAS (Sitcom Rapid Aging Syndrome) and has now just turned 21 years old. More opportunities to interact with the cast that way.
Carry on, crew!"
(Scotti, you read my mind. Wump’s replacement is optional, he wasn’t around much yet anyway. So, back to the show.)
<Tension builds as Jester’s gf thinks that he’s with struuter, Scotti thinks dpr’s with struuter, dpr wants to be with Scottie, and Jester has NO idea what’s going on>
Uhmmmmmmmm…hi honey! Er…it isn’t what it looks like?
Look, I can explain. Uhmmmm…see, I slipped and fell, and, uh, struuter caught me, but, uhmmmm…I needed cpr, and…uhhhh…NO, that won’t work, can I try again?
Okay, so there was this pie…
Huh? Okay, time out for those just tuning in…can we have a ‘last week on our program’ update? If I’m a twin…I’ll need a shake down of what’s going on…
Who am I? Any pertinant information would be appreciated…please…this is a little confusing and I’m not too bright…
Fade to the train station, where an incredibly beautiful woman is decending from Amtrak Starlighter, followed by an extremely handsome man who is looking VERY intrigued by the gorgeous struuter.
(Voice over-The part of the handsome stranger will be played by star of stage and screen Gilligan)
Struuter hails a taxi and gives the driver Scotti’s address.
Meanwhile, back at Java’s restaurant/bar, things are heating up between Rob the Hat and the female population of Dopeville.
Monster has entered the bar and is drowning his sorrows in pineapple juice; he perks up when Kyla sits down at his table and starts a conversation. Well, at least he THINKS that is what she is doing…
Jester is hungry, and is trying to break in through Scotti’s kitchen window. He is desperately seeking pie and sympathy-he can’t find Chantelle ANYWHERE, and the last time he saw her she thought he was having a fling with Feelyat.
Jester falls through the window head first, falling (you guessed it) face first into a banana cream pie.
:cut to close-up of doorbell, as well-manicured finger pushes it:
:close up of struuter, expression of confusion and apprehension clouding her face:
(mumbling to herself) Please be home. Please be home.
:she looks around herself anxiously, starts as sounds of glass breaking emit from house:
:cut to scene of empty street as she realizes taxi has driven off:
Scotti unlocks the kitchen door, rushing as she hears breaking glass. Entering the kitchen, she is not surprised to see Jester sprawled on the floor, face covered with banana cream pie filling.
Scotti sighs-
The doorbell rings again, and abandoning the hapless Jester, Scotti moves through the living room and opens the door to see-
“Feelyat? Is that you? I thought you went to the moon with Wump…wait a minute, you aren’t Feely, you must be…”
Scotti throws her arms around her long lost sister struuter, who was stolen away by an adoption ring as an infant. “I’ve been looking for you ever since I turned 18,but I could never even get a lead! How did you find me? Oh, I have SO MUCH to tell you!”
(Scotti weeps with happiness, and a look of horror comes over struuter’s face as, over her sister’s shoulder, she sees a weird looking guy, covered in banana cream pudding and whipped cream, stagger into the room.)
“Uh, Scotti, I think you have company, uh, mom told me about dpr-this ISN’T him, is it?”
Extremely handsome Gilligan stands outside under a lamppost, writing down the address of the house where he saw beautiful struuter enter.
Chantelle lurks under nearby bush, jealously trying to get a look at Jester’s new “girlfriend.”
dpr must have moved to Beverly Hills, CA 98210.
Jester’s nose hurts, and he thinks it might be broken.
Struuter is wondering if she should have just stayed lost.
Scotti is a redhead, and her face gets all splotchy when she cries. (Cancel closeup, camera pan out and focus on struuter, who doesn’t look like she has the measles)
:struuter watches Jester as he wipes the pie from his face:
Scotti, I’m so glad I finally found you. Having been raised by an old spinster and her professor brother, I haven’t had much interaction with people my own age…whatever age that might be…
sigh Just books and cats…
Say, there was a rather mysterious man following me off the train. Is it just this place? Is this one of those quirky towns inhabited by rather mysterious people?
And…why does that man have pie on his face?
That’s it! Can I pleeeaaase have my part back? Wump is a loser and I want a chance with Monster! Although I’m unaware of my beauty so would never think Monster would even glance at me.
Struuter can be…I don’t really care as long as I get my part back.
Ok…now I’m caught up. I think Feely should dump Wump. heh heh. Can she come back from the moon?
feelyat, this thing’s going to be like Pettycoat Junction. 
How’s about this. You never left–makes it easier that way. I, although still devastatingly beautiful, am not related to you at all. I have just come off the train, followed by…I don’t know…and am at Scotti’s doorstep inquiring about a room to be let. Sound good?
New in town, maybe you all could show me around, introduce me to the people, and help me make friends. That sound okay?
Ah, guys, I LIKED having twin sisters, separated at birth.
I’ve always wanted a large family, and I’m so clueless that I can use all the savvy sisters I can get.
Only thing is, Feelyat, you DID age somewhat whilst you were on the moon, and are now 21.
As for a place to stay, didn’t Jester tell you that Scotti makes her living by running a boarding house in the old family mansion?
This would allow for lots and lots of embarrassing and amusing situations.
What do you say, ladies; puhlease, please please can I keep them both, Jester the producer?
I like it, Scotti! Is Monster still pining for me though? hehe. Fun. And, although it would allow a “mix-up”, we’re not identical twin sisters. Can I keep my age? Since I was on the moon I should be 21, but I’m still 16. I think it’d be cool. Oooor she can just be the middle sister
::Feely is in an elevator. As soon as the doors open she rushes through and sprints to Scotti’s apartment
::banging on door:: Sis! Are you there?!?! I broke up with Wump. I just missed you too much while I was living on the moon.
::Scotti opens the door::
Feely: Scotti!
Scotti: Feely!
::heartwarming hug::
<Awwwwwwww>
Scotti: Come on in!
::Feely walks in, glances around the room and notices Struuter::
Feely: Who’s she?
struuter looks embarrassed.
I’m…I’m your sister. (I can’t deny you anything, Scotti) Lost all these years. Cloistered away. Can I have a hug?
Oh my gosh! It’s been…about 3 years since I’ve seen you, but I still didn’t recognize you! I’m sorry! Wait…you left while I was in a coma. It lasted for 5 years, so we were both just children when I last saw you!
::heartwarming hug::
<awwwwwwww>
Now we’re all reunited! So much love! Group hug!!
::The three young women hug, and somehow Jester(still covered in pie) has gotten into the group hug::
<laughter>
Oh, no! You got pie all over my new sweater!! Jester, you dumb little thing. Go home and take a SHOWER!!! Then you can buy me a new sweater.
“(Sob) I am SSSSOOOOO HAPPY” Scotti wails.
Struuter looks helplessly at Feely and Jester “Is she ALWAYS so emotional?”
Feely and Jester nod in unison.
“But we love her anyway,” they chorus-
“Because she is my sister” (Feely)
“Because she makes good pie” (Jester)
Feely:(under her breath)Oooooo. Perfect opportunity…
Scotti, can we go shopping? It would be a wonderful bonding experience! And if you pay it will make it that much better. Well, I guess Jester will have to buy a new sweater, but I really don’t want him to come.