::Feely runs to Scotti’s door::
Scotti! It’s not what you think! It was an accident! Either that or I look really good in these leather pants.
<small laughter>
Seriously, my heart belongs to Wump, and I know about your feelings for…you-know-whooo. Come on, unlock the door.
Next episode is my introduction.
I walk in, holding my laptop under my arm.
“Stupid phone company…” I mumble to myself, as my DSL, backup Cable and phoneline are all down for maitinence(sp). Unfourtunatly, I need to meet online to seal a big software meeting (illegal, but no one knows). I ask to use the phoneline, and the bartender agrees. I sit down, going through a range of different and bizarre emotions (from rage to crying with joy). Then dpr walks in, and introduces himself to me. He asks what I’m up too, and I get really paranoid.
Ooops! I forgot to glare at Jester before going on to the other actions.
::glares at Jester::
::looking at speaker::
he’s cool!
But what’s he doing here??
OK so the next episode starts off with dpr at a bar drowning his sorrows with nor friends in sight.
Enter Speaker for the Dead (hereby referred to as SFTD or Ender) (see above)
They end up strking up a conversation and a drunken dpr ends up agreeing to get Ender to cable his apartment. Maybe he can find solace in the internet. He’s heard so much about it…
Script note: this way SFTD can appear in the whole season as he’ll always be around tinkering with gadgets and also introducing new ideas and inventions for cheap laughs.
All lines aside, dpr, you are a genius!
I think at some point Jester needs to purchase a little chick and a duckling. This seems to make for many cheap laughs, for several seasons.
Flipping furiously through script, mumbling to himself
…Where does it say Feelyat runs off with Wump…she’s supposed to chase after me! ::grumble grumble:: Lousy script writers…
… i, uh, bribed the scriptwriters, hehehehe, sorry bout that monster 
maybe someone new will come along for u 
but for now, i’m off to the moon (otherwise known as my room, it’s past my bed time)
U coming Feely?
Back in the diner…
tiggeril & xizor have finished off their meal, and xizor is dreamily staring at tiggeril while she chatters on a mile a minute about everything…
Java comes out of the kitchen with a big plate of chocolate cake, and two forks, and puts it down in front of the two. “What? You can’t get enough of this place? And I thought I was a workaholic!”
Tiggeril stops to take a breath, and noticing that Java looks flustered, asks, “What’s wrong?”
“I’ll tell you what’s wrong! First, Louie decides this morning, instead of changing the oil in the fryer when frying up this morning’s batch of doughnuts–so, this morning, I got to serve maple bars with a delightful hint of eau de cod… then, Scotti can’t seem to tell if I’m either a man or a woman! Seems like next time I’m going to have to flash her my 18-hour Playtex so she gets the hint!”
Java eyes xizor and sees the frustration in his face. “Guess I’d better get back to the kitchen…” As she’s walking back, she slaps xizor right between the shoulder blades and fake-whispers “Go get 'er Tiger!” as he’s just taken a huge bite of chocolate cake. His eyes widen as he inhales it, looking more shocked than actually choking… yet, when he swallows, he notices he now has a few crumbs stuck in his throat, that now make him sound like Donald Duck when he speaks.
<Jester stands in the apt., looking awkwardly at feely and scotti>
Uhmmmmmmm…anybody wanna play scrabble?
<Scotti glares at him>
Scotti: Go put some pants on.
<Jester looks down, notices he is still in his boxers>
<audience laughs>
Oh, heh, yeah. I…uhhh…kept em down cause people were throwing quarters on the street, and I need the money for snacks at the party. Then, some weird lady started chasing me, and I climbed up the fire escape to hide in your appartment, and ask you to the party at the same time!
So, you wanna come?
<Scotti glares at Jester, Feely glares at Scotti>
Uhmmmmmmmm…it’s gonna be a crazy shindig?
<Fed up, pulls Scotti aside>
Look, Scotti, you need to let this go. I KNOW that dpr has more sense than to go after Freely…
Feely: HEY!
J: No offense. Anyway, you should go talk to him. He’s at the bar, so you should go give him a cliched ending-of the episode make-up speech that resolves and builds romantic tension, while still not dissolving the issue of the feelings you both have. C’mon, he’s your friend, and he needs you.
<Audience: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…>
<Scotti goes off to find dpr
Feely: Hey! What about me? I was a part in this too!
Jester: The most I can do is help get that earing out of your hair.
<Jester begins taking earing out. Just as he does, his supermodel girlfriend walks in. Feely jumps again, and falls to the floor, pulling Jester with him. Jester’s girlfriend sees the two of them on the floor, Jester in his boxers. She looks shocked and angry>
Ay de mi!
Meanwhile, back at the diner, tiggeril goes behind the counter to grab xizor a glass of water when it appears he’s in some distress… all the while chattering about Louie and how absent-minded he is.
Then, just as xizor takes a deep breath and is about to ask <dramatic music> THE QUESTION…
tiggeril’s long-lost cousin walks in!
<gasps and ooooooohs from the audience>
tiggeril hops the counter, runs over squealing and gives cousin a huge hug. Xizor, not knowing who this guy is, gets more and more angry…
(Sorry, JavaM, I spilled some cherry pie on my script and couldn’t read the appropriate gender. I figured they could fix it in edit…)
Scotti is still running all over town looking for dpr, who has moved on to his apartment, picking up a six pack on the way. SFTD is tagging along behind him, a fact which goes unnoticed until dpr comes back out of the kitchen and sees the computer expert plugging his equipment into dpr’s phone line.
“Who the Sam Hill are YOU!” dpr roars, making SFTD jump and knock over the tiffany glass lamp that Scotti gave dpr for his birthday. Big fight ensues, and Feely joins in (she came over to look for Scotti.) Of course, this soon turns into a food fight, and a good time is being had by all when Scotti and Jester come in. (As dpr noted earlier, friends don’t need to knock.)
Unfortunately, just before their arrival, SFTD has decided to visit the bathroom, and while he is gone Feely is trying to comfort dpr over his fight with Scotti. She gives him a hug and…enter Scotti and Jester.
“Well,” says Scotti frostily “I came over to apologize for getting all testy and everything-after all, we are JUST friends, and if you want to date my sister, it is really NONE of my business. However, it looks as though the two of you have already moved past caring about MY feelings.”
Feely runs over to her sister, and cries “No, sis, you just don’t understand! I am NOT dating dpr, and he is like a brother to me. I’m REALLY in love with…” (she looks around and spies Jester, standing on one foot over in the corner and looking around for the pie that he is SURE will be in this scene SOMEWHERE) “HIM! I am in love with JESTER!”
As luck would have it, this is when Jester’s supermodel love interest walks in the door.
Meanwhile, back at JavaMaven’s restaurant, xizor watches with a scowl as tiggeril falls all over the handsome male who has entered the scene. He has NO idea who this guy is, and is making secret plans to ask JavaM to put ipecac in the guy’s pina colada. seriousart, their waiter, walks by and xizor whispers in his ear.
seriousart, who is actually using his position at the restaurant to gather blackmail information so he can finance his college education, is delighted to help. “This little caper should net at least a few thou from xizor,” He says to himself with an evil grin.
Kat and Rachelle enter, looking for…well, just about EVERYBODY! Rob the Hat is getting ready to go on stage, and he sees the beautiful women come in. He is immediately struck speechless. The only problem is, he can’t figure out which of the women is the one he has fallen in love at first sight with.
PatrickM is sitting at a table in the corner, watching all of the action intently, and taking notes for his next treatise on abnormal psychology.
capacitor is lurking behind the coatrack, waiting for a chance to pounce on tiggeril and begin deportation proceedings. (He has seen a copy of tiggeril’s citizenship papers, but has decided that they are cleverly faked, bought by Scotti from Demo in his former occupation as forger.
Monster104 and Wump are out in the parking lot fighting for the honor of taking Feely out on her first date. Only problem is, Jester came through the parking lot earlier, and the guys keep slipping and falling on cherry, loganberry and blackberry pie filling.
The rest of the cast are scattered around the dining room. Funny how the whole town always goes out to dinner on the same night and at the same restaurant, huh?
WAIT! I am NOT happy with the way my character is being developed. Jester! You’ve made me sound like a floozy. I’m really a sweet little gal with lots of sex appeal, yet doesn’t know it. Eeeew!!! Why would I even let you get near me, Jester? Please! I’m in love with Wump! I will not be involved in this any more! I’m goin’ to da moon!
Come on, Wump.
Oops! Almost forgot!
::runs to find Monster(just look for a huge crowd of crazy girls)::
Right when she walks up, Monster parts the sea of girls the way Moses parted the red sea.
Feely: Monster, I had to give you one last kiss.
Monster: Uh…wh…really?
::Feely kisses him on the forehead::
Feely: You’re such a good friend!
::Feely runs back to Wump, several miles, she’s a teriffic athlete::
Now let’s go! You know, Wump, you’re probably the only guy in the world who would ever be even remotely attracted to me. I don’t understand why you’re letting me go out with you.
Wump: Because im lonley.
::Awwwwwwwwwww::
…and there’s just somthing about you feely, i don’t know what it is, but… let me finish this sentance on the other side of this oddly placed barbed wire fence.
:Climbs over, but gets leg caught. struggles only to get more tangled:
::Uproarus laughter::
Wump: Ah nuts…
Feely: well, what? finish your sentence.
:flutters eyelashes:
Wump: uh i forget what i was saying, but yeah, i really like u, lets go to the moon!!!
:Walk over and board Space shuttle, fence dangling from Wump’s back:
Whoa! Problem!
I’m supposed to be absolutely gorgeous, and you’re a big loser, yet you’re saying you settled on me because you’re lonely?!?! You must treat me like a princess!!! Or I’m leavin’ the moon!
<Amid this chaos, Kyla walks in. She’s wearing a dark maroon sari and has her hair braided into a thousand little braids. She’s barefoot and is speaking with a slight Spanish accent.>
Kyla: Does anyone have a pop-o-matic bubble from the game Trouble? I need one.
Everyone stares at her in confusion.
Kyla: It’s for Art.
She looks around, picks out a cherry from a piece of pie, eats it, and leaves.
::Rachelle and Kat take a seat and continue talking::
Rachelle: Well Kat, what do you think. Anyone here worth looking at today.
Kat: I don’t think so. Just the same faces we have to look at every day.
Rachelle: Why can’t we ever meet anyone exciting, someone who’s looking for a little adventure, who’ll treat us like a godess. Someone who will fulfill my every desire, every fantasy, every sexual urge, every… oh, I gotta stop… I’m getting hor… wait a minute. What about that guy over there? (Points at Rob the Hat) He’s cute.
Kat: Yeah, I guess. Don’t go jump him just yet… wait and see if he comes to us. I think we need to stop being so aggressive.
Rachelle: Maybe you’re right. But if he doesn’t come over to us in half an hour, I’m gonna go jump him! So what do you wanna do while we’re waiting? Wanna go talk to seriousart?
Kat: Yeah, why not.
:: The two walk over to seriousart and begin flirting shamelessly. xizor is about ready to spit nails because Tiggeril is still talking to the handsome stranger. Oddly enough, Kat and Rachelle don’t even notice him. Their male radar must be off today.::