Get bill.
Promise to pay next Tuesday.
Get crutches.
Leave hospital.
Return home.
Get drunk.
You give the credit card to the nurse, and your bill is payed for.
The nurse looks at you funny.
You already paid the bill.
Both your legs are broken. Do you really think crutches are gonna help?
You get a wheelchair instead (and it’s motorized, too!)
You are now in front of the hospital, 10 miles away from home, with no car. The motorized wheelchair battery is only good for 3 miles.
Set up roadside sales table with sign “As many matches as you can carry, $2”
You do so, and are soon after ticketed for soliciting.
A taxi approaches.
Flag down the Taxi
Have Taxi Driver take you back to the bar.
You are now outside the bar.
You owe the taxi driver money.
-Shout, “I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!”
-eat casts
Whoops, was stuck on page 1. Ignore that last one.
-Give taxi driver monopoly money
-jump up and down on hood of taxi
You have no monopoly money in your posession.
Your legs are broken. Do you really want to go back to the hospital?
Offer free drink to taxi driver.
Inside. Go behind bar.
Give drink to taxi driver.
“You’re welcome.”
Wave goodbye to taxi driver.
Go to back room.
Pick up phone.
Call cops.
Report drunk taxi driver.
Gloat.
The taxi driver sees through your clever ruse, and offers to call the cops on YOU unless you offer some money.
Curse.
Ask driver if he will accept a full tank of gas in exchange for ride.
Pay for gas with credit card.
Please don’t use such bad language.
The driver looks around, then says quietly, “No, but I will accept a blowjob.”
Your credit card is maxed out.
I thought this thread was going to be more like this (but funnier):
enter GQ forum.
say “stupid idiots”.
You are obviously in the dark as to the jerkiness of your behavior. You are likely to be banned by an admin or to fall into the Pit.
apologize
apology accepted.
Put the fish in your ear.
Just in case it’s not completely clear that I’m actually Ralph Mackenzie:
Look at Ralph
(If I am Ralph, the parser should interpret that as synonymous to “look at self”, and give a message like “You have two broken legs in casts, but are otherwise healthy”. If I’m not, the parser should say something like “I see no Ralph here”. And yes, gaming the parser is one of the techniques I use in text adventures.)