The sequential movie script thread!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay so we’re going to write a movie. Each poster can write a scene! Make sure to use stage directions, camera angles, and car explosions! I’ll start!

(The camera slowly swoops up on one side of a mountain range as the sun sets on the other side, then as it almost completely sets, the camera zooms down into a little mountain village, into a quaint little street where snow lightly falls, and into the second story window of a cute little house. Lobsang sits on the edge of his bed, rubbing his eyes. He hears a knock.)

Lobsang [somewhat irritated, but polite]: Wh- who is it?
Misstee [through the door]: It’s Misstee. I bring tea and a wrap for your wound.
Lobsang: Enter.
Misstee [enters quietly with a candle, cotton wrap, and pot of tea]: You look a bit better. Let me see your arm.
Lobsang [grimaces as he takes the old, bloody cotton wrap off his arm; Misstee looks somewhat startled, but remains strong and motherly]: What was that noise about ten minutes ago? Sounded like a crash.
Misstee [redressing the wound]: Oh, that. I tripped over the ironing board.
(Pause)
Misstee: Okay, there. That looks better.
Lobsang [quietly, looking at the floor]: Thank you, miss.
Misstee: I told you, my name is Misstee.
Lobsang: Yes. Misstee.
[They look at one another. Lobsang leans in slightly; they are about to kiss when suddenly a car explodes outside.]

End scene.

2

(Outside. Camera pans up to the second story window where Lobsang and Misstee are looking out)

Lobsang: It does that all the time. Don’t worry about it.

(As a connection is made in Lobsang’s brain he turns to face Misstee)

Lobsang:By the way, who are you, and why are you in my house?

(Pause. Another connection)

Lobsang:And what happened to me?

3

(Wavy line fade to [flashback])
Lobsang:(Crouching on a busy street corner, wearing black glasses and rattling a tin cup full of loose change) Help a homelass man. Please, help a homeless man.

misstee: (Approaches and drops a coin in the cup.)

Lobsang: God bless ya, sir. God bless.

misstee: Lobsang, it’s me… misstee.

Lobsang: Sorry, sorry, Ma’am. No offence.

misstee: (bursting into tears.) Oh god, Lobsang! Don’t you remember anything at all? It is spelled OFFENSE for god’s sake!

(Suddenly, A nearby car explodes. misstee dives to cover [Lobsang**. after the dusts clears misstee lifts herself of Lobsang realizing a Rolls Royce hood ornament is lodged in his arm. [/flashback])

4

[director’s note]Obviously a first draft.[/director’s note]

5

(camera quickly snaps out of the nonsensical flashback, and cuts to a view of Mistee, just above and to the left of Lobsang’s head)

Misstee [demure]: You were run over by a wagon.

Lobsang [surprised]: A wagon? What? As in, with horses?

Misstee: Of course.

Lobsang [groaning]: Where am I? And who’re you?

Misstee [concerned]: That wagon must have hit you pretty hard… Well, this is Thirkell. We’re a small town, in the mountains of California. I’m your wife, of course. Don’t you remember anything?

A voice, from outside [enraged]: Fuck it! That’s the third time that’s happened today!

Mistee and Lobsang both glance towards the window briefly, just before…

(The camera cuts to a view of a flaming taxi in the middle of the street. Alongside it, staring at the taxi and the surrounding area in disbelief, is it’s former passenger]

Gadfly: I can’t believe this. I just can’t fucking believe this!

[A small crowd begins to gather about Gadfly, staring at the flaming taxi. Murmurs run through the crowd, talk of sorcery, and horse-less carriages.]

Angry farmer: WITCH!

Gadfly [confused]: Witch? Do I look like a witch to you? Well, the shaggy hair, maybe… And I am holding a broom…

[Gadfly mumbles for a little while, but breaks off, returning to the matter at hand]

Gadfly: Someone get help! Someone, please, get help! And where the hell am I? This certainly fucking isn’t Yonge and Dundas!

6

Inside the room, Misste diverts Lobsang attention from the ruckus outside.

Misstee (with a gentle smile): You shouldn’t worry too much. That’s why we had to take away that interweb machine, you know.

Lobsang looks as if this reminds him of something, but doesn’t quite remember what.

Flashback

Lobsang sitting behind his computer. The monitor is the only light source in his room, which is a typical British geek bachelors’ pad. There is a large Kylie Minogue poster on the wall, obscured by a stack of old motherboards. On top is a bottle of vodka in a glass box, with a printed message In case of emergency only. Through the window we can see that it is night: tiny specks of light are strewn like gold dust over the contours of an island.

Inside Lobsang is logged on to a mysterious message board, hitting his forehead with his hand in the manner of smilie.

Lobsang: Preview! Preview is your friend! Grrrrr. (pause) ‘Girls will come and have sex with me if I insult strangers.’ Right. Not on this effing island.

Lobsang (under his breath, typing again): Friggin’ hamsters. Bollocks. O wait, that would make a good thread.

Meanwhile camera zooms out, slowly, then quickly, to an outside view of the house, which is not the one we saw earlier, then speeds up to an overview of the island, then even higher, and the view morphs into a map of the British Isles, then into an overview of the globe with the European continent in full view. A red arrow appears and points to the insignificant dot that is the Isle of Man.

Back to the room. Lobsang is still sitting in front of the computer, but the view is from the back of the monitor so the screen isn’t visible. There is a strange booming sound coming from the speakers with repetitious singing. It sounds like it’s just one word over and over again.

Lobsang looks transfixed to the screen. He opens his mouth and utters one single word. ‘Badgers’.

End flashback. Back to Gadfly.

7

(The camera hovers over the crowd, then quickly cuts to a view of Gadfly)

Gadfly: No, look. Stop ranting about witchcraft! We’ve already established that I’m not a witch! I don’t even believe in spirits!

[The crowd murmurs]

Gadfly: I couldn’t cast a spell to save my life.

[Gadfly gesticulates wildly, as the camera snaps to various perspectives of the crowd]

Gadfly: Okey… Pokey!

[dramatic pause]

Gadfly: See, nothing happened.

[A screaming is heard from the background. The camera cuts to a small snowbank on the other side of the road. A scream is heard, just before a tall European man in assorted black snow-gear falls into it.]

(the camera cuts back to a view of Gadfly and the crowd)

[Everything is silent for a moment]

Angry farmer: WITCH!

Gadfly: That was purely coincedence! Believe me! I’m not a witch!

(Camera cuts back to Misstee and Lobsang)

Lobsang: What’s all that noise then?

Misstee: I’ll go check.

(Camera cuts to a view of the front of the house, and then cuts to a view of Mistee, who seems awfully confused. The camera swings about, showing an angry mob on one side of Misstee, shouting at a bedraggled-looking teenager, and a european man struggling to get out of a snowbank on the other)

8

(Camera zooms in on a single small child in the crowd who is staring away from the rest of the crowd. She wears a shocked expression on her face. As the camera stops on her face she suddendly opens her mouth to scream. Camera angle from above the crowd shows all heads turning in the direction the girl is now pointing.)

Man-in-crowd: Good god! what is it?!

Woman-in-crowd: It’s Satan!

(Wide angle: A swelling black and purple cloud filled with blue and yellow bolts of lightning reveils a large flying pirate ship which enters and begins to hover above the crowd. The captain runs to the bow.)

(Camera zooms in to the deck of the ship.)

Captain: Oh My God, NOOO! It’s the dimension of the erotic monkeys again. Helmsman, reverse course! Klistenian, the button, THE BUTTON!

(camera zooms out to a wide angle of the deck. A tall man,Klistenian, with Silver skin, a patch over his right eye, a gleaming sanguine jewel for his left eye and a yellowish eye in the middle of his forehead swings down on a rope from the main mast. He lands in front of a large granite Bust of Wittgenstein with a rectangular button labelled, “ELUCIDATE.” Camera cuts to a mid shot of the helmsman spinning the large wheel. Cut back to close up of Klistenian as he uses both hands to push the button which lights up and begins to shoot pinkish sparks. Wide camera angle showing the crowd and the pirate ship which is turning back into the balck and purple cloud in a haze of lightning. As the ship disappears into the cloud a shadow begins to emerge. Camera zooms in to reveil a late model Rolls royce limo coming from the cloud and landing in th e crowd.)

Man-in-crowd: What is it?

Woman-in-crowd: It’s Satan!

(camera zooms in to the driver’s door of the car. The door opens and ** Wittgenstein** steps out. As he begins to speak, the car explodes. Camera cuts to show Lobsang.)

Lobsang ( Grabs his arm screaming) Oh, GOD! ( He pulls out a large metal object which the camera zooms on. It is a Rolls Royce hood ornamnet.)

9

(The camera slowly rotates within a metal, corrugated shed. There is a small wrapped gift on the dirt floor in the middle of the shed. Tusculan enters.)

Tusculan [as though he’s praying or something]: The time has come… The seal must be broken and hope restored to Thirkell… For eleventeen hundred years the Gift of Maryzla has lied dormant, gathering power from the alignment of planets within the solar system. Now is the time to unleash the power! To stop this exploding car madness! At last the citizens of Thirkell will recognize that it is I, Tusculan, who has for thousands of years -

[he reaches into his jacket and takes a swig of some alcoholic beverage]

  • for thousands of years watched over Thirkell and - and - and…

[he opens the box, and it explodes; the camera slows down and rotates around the explosion like in the Matrix and we see bloody limbs flying into the corrugated shed walls]

End scene.