Go for the passionate embrace and smash teeth together
In some exotic postion, chick getting pumped full of air and lets out a fanny fart
Wet spot arguments
Getting further and further up the bed until banging head on headboard
Have to take it out every gd time you want to change positions instead of nice movie-style sycronised roll over bullshit
Others?
The one where the girl screams “Ow OW! Your arm is on my hair!”
Or the guy collapses because his arm has gone numb.
The putting-on-the-condom bit.
“I’m sorry but this just isn’t working”
Lipstick never rubs off after kissing and makeup is never smudged the next morning. Morning breath doesn’t seem to be a problem either.
I find it amusing how a lot of beds in the movies have unique L-shaped sheets which reach up to the armpits on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. I want some sheets like that, dammit.
and related moments of intimate physical beauty, such as the “putting on the second condom when the first one rips” bit, or the “taking off the condom and working out what to do with the damned thing” bit.
In fact has anyone ever had a shag that from start to finish didn’t include at least one moment you’d never see in a movie?
I’d love to see the “suddenly realizing that sex is hysterically funny” moment.
Having to pause because partner find juicy zit and must get it before continuing.
partner accidentally drooling when on top of you.
Partner sneezes several times the last violent enough to cause disengagement.
charlie horses 
This may be unique to me, but:
The guy letting go a nice ripping fart as he gets, um, stiffer. It’s almost like my engine is starting up or something.
Vomiting after performing cunnilingus.
Yes it really happened. What can I say? I was young. I was drunk (really drunk). I was immature. I was a virgin just an hour earlier.
Now I’m older, wiser, and more experienced. So I vomit before performing cunnilingus. I know what the ladies like ;).
By the way, I threw up into a garbage can, not… ya know… down… well… there.
sock removal.
it cannot possibly be done in any way that doesn’t inspire a fit of giggles.
socks in movies just seem to magically disappear - i want some of those.
Sunday night in the heat of passion I was arching my back and actually fell off the frickin bed onto my HEAD! That shit never happens in the movies…it was funny…well now it is but I have a king sized knot on the top of my head and I totally lost the moment if you know what I mean.
sock removal? whatever for?
-stonebow, who admits to being into sock kink
“Honey, do you think Dwight Gooden leaves his socks on?”
the sheets…they always amaze me in movies
they always stay in place…i dont know about any of you, but after I have sex…my sheets are all over!! They NEVER stay on my bed.
and what about butt hair? i never EVER see men with butt hair on movies…sweet sigh
Breaking a wine glass and having to step gingerly to get the vaccuum 'cause you’re both in bare feet.
Knocking over the bottle of lube on the nightstand, and having to wipe it up before it soaks into the finish.
Sweeping up wilted, squished rose petals romantic sweetie had strewn about for atmosphere.
Laundering towels and bedsheets. 'Nuff said.
Was a messy night, that was.
Oh geez. My husband and I were given an absolutely lovely, solid wood bedroom set by friends of his family who had no room for it. His bedstand has an awful spot on it where the finish is gone because of a spill like this that we didn’t notice. I’m thinking I’ll just buy some nice-looking placemats or something to cover the tops of the bedstands.
How about needing to remove a condom for some, erm, “extra help” when “deflation” occurs, and then put a new one on quickly before it happens again? Not to mention the taste of lube, ew.
Accidentally snapping the band (not breaking) of the condom when putting it on, as the cause of aforementioned deflation? Ouch.
Sex during the woman’s menstrual period, leading to it looking like some horrible accident has happened when you two separate? Ugh. Not to mention the sheets - before you start, just lay down a huge, dark-colored towel, pull back the sheets, and hope for the best.
Use of flavored “love gels” leading to interesting comments, especially after friction occurs - “Honey, do you smell… baked apples?”
The first time, we had trouble…um…engaging, as it were. You NEVER see people giving up because for whatever reason, they can’t get a good angle and it WON’T GO IN.
That only happened once. Thank God. I was mortified!
“Mommy, I had a bad dream.”