The slacker superhero is facing a government conspiracy dilemma.

Long hypo with fantasy premise and storytelling OP. If you don’t like these, why are you here?

It’s the first of July, and Bob X–the slacker superhero with Kryptonian powers–is running on fumes. The last several weeks have been lousy with natural disasters–earthquakes, volcanoes, hurricanes, and so forth; every continent but Antarctica has been hammered, though the United States has been spared thus far–which is lucky for the rest of the world, actually, since Bob always prioritizes danger to the US when he has to make hard decisions. He hasn’t had time to play a video game, binge on Hulu Plus, or fuck a groupie since May. For that matter, he literally hasn’t slept in three weeks, breaking his previous record for staying awake by eight days.

Six weeks into this marathon of catastrophes, Bob gets a sat-phone call from one Penelope Scuito, a cybergeek whose pants he’s been trying to get into for a while. She says there’s something he needs to know about the crisis. He cuts her off; North Korea is about to get hammered by a tsunami, and tidal waves require his undivided attention.

Exhausted after saving the Koreans, Bob takes half an hour for a catnap before calling Penelope back. That’s thirty minutes too long. When he calls her house, the police pick up; she was murdered while he was in the land of Nod.

Bob drops everything to look into Penny’s murder. Reconstructing her research, he discovers that the disasters are in being caused by an ancient mystic artifact–the Trident of Poseidon, if you care–which a cabal of US government officials and businessmen found in a certain warehouse, two aisles over from the Ark of the Covenant. Integrating the Trident into a device called the Cataclysm Engine the cabal have been using it in the service of what they see as American security and economic interests. In addition to destroying terrorist training camps and wrecking foreign nuclear weapons facilities, that means destroying factories competing with US firms (in the process devastating the areas around them). Naturally they’re the ones who offed Penelope.

Angry super-heroics ensue. Tracking down the cabal, Bob curb-stomps their combat forces, smashes the mortal-forged parts of the Engine, and dumps their base into a live volcano that needed plugging anyway. He considers leaving the surviving conspirators inside while doing the latter, but Penelope wouldn’t have liked that, so he’s merciful. He turns the conspirators over to Penelope’s coworkers (she worked for a federal law enforcement agency known by its initials) before heading to the asteroid belt to bury the indestructible Trident.

Back on Earth, Bob gets a voice mail asking him to come to the White House. Waiting for him are President Powell and his entire national security team. They thank him for his service, twice get Penelope’s name wrong, and finally ask a favor. As far as the world knows, the catastrophes were a freak of nature. If any other country discovers the truth–and Russia, Iran, India, & China all got hit hard–it’ll cause a diplomatic shitstorm, if not war. They want Bob to keep his mouth shut about what he knows.

Now, thanks to his super-senses, Bob can always tell when he’s being lied to. Consequently, when Colin & Co. assure him they had no idea of the cabal’s existence, he knows they’re telling the truth. But he’s still in a lousy mood. A lot of innocent people have died, and Penelope–who, as far as he’s concerned, is the real hero of the hour–will not get the public recognition she deserves. So he makes no promises, saying he’ll let them know what he’s decided in a day or two.

Bob flies home and decides to stop at his favorite coffeehouse before hitting the sack. While sipping cocoa and feeling sorry for himself, he’s approached by a reporter he knows slightly who’s hoping to score an interview about his busy month. Bob’s first impulse is to tell the reporter everything he knows about the whole lousy business. Should he do that? What SHOULD he do?

I voted that Bob keep his mouth shut.

If he really wants to honor Penelope (like he did by leaving the remaining conspirators alive), how would taking actions resulting in war and more death achieve that goal?

Giving Penelope worldwide recognition and appreciation would result in the deaths of many. That doesn’t honor her and she wouldn’t want to know that she had any part in it.

Announcing the presence of the cabal to the world might make Bob feel better, but it wouldn’t please Penelope, may she rest in peace.

He needs to blow the whistle, but he may need to be careful about exactly what information he provides. The fact of the matter is that if Penelope can uncover the source of the disasters, it’s likely someone else can as well. Surely, if there were a sudden onset of natural disasters that lasted for a couple months then an equally sudden end, it would have to be the most researched topic of every scientist in a field even remotely related to climatology, meterology, geology, or whatever else.

So, if you doesn’t blow the whistle, he’s basically just hoping that all those scientists the world over can’t put together what she did. Further, considering that Bob didn’t fess up, when it is discovered, he’ll likely look like he’s in on the conspiracy. As in, look at all these natural disasters that somehow missed the US, but we still get good will since he was going around and “pretending” to help our enemies. He doesn’t necessarily have to give the complete story, maybe blame it primarily on the leader, or one of the members of the cabal, mention that he found their weather control device and destroyed it, and leave it at that.

Regardless, him not fessing up and then someone else figuring it out later, there’s no way it won’t result to war. Certainly, if a weather control device did exist, it would be seen as a weapon of mass destruction and any nation with an itchy trigger finger will be eager to start launching nukes in retaliation.

There’s really no secret to tell. In a universe with slacker superheroes, people are super acclimated to having their cities and continents devastated by some cabal or another of evil masterminds. Of course all the disasters were caused by some mystic trident. If it wasn’t that, it would be Dr. Evil with his weather machine, or Dr. Horrible with his mutant locusts of Death.

Superheroes imply supervillains. The civilians have no choice but to just rebuild Townsville and get on with their lives.

Bob should have kept the trident. It would be a force-multiplier for him, and would keep other countries in line. Lie to everybody and tell them he has set the trident up as a Doomsday weapon that will wipe out any country that launches WMDs. That should give him some decent Halo time.

RE: diplomatic shitstorm, the President is basically saying that he doesn’t think other nations deserve to know how messed up the US government is, that a murderous cabal could function effectively within it. I figure it’s the right of other nations to know that, so they can adjust their ties to the US accordingly. It’s entirely appropriate for other nations to put massive pressure on the US to get its house in order.

RE: war, I’m not sure that’s a credible threat, absent additional information. No nation has the capability to pose serious non-nuclear threat to US territories (excluding embassies and military bases on foreign soil and the like). If the US thinks that there’s a serious threat to embassies and military bases, remove personnel or otherwise take defensive action.

What’s likely to happen as a result of this debacle is that the president will be forced to resign or at least to clean house. Of course the president would prefer not to have his failings revealed (and certainly allowing a powerful cabal to continue under his watch is a failing). I see no reason such a request ought to be honored.

My initial response was that Bob should keep his mouth shut - those behind it have been dealt with, he knows that the President isn’t in on it, and it makes sense to avoid a new war between the U.S. and a bunch of other countries. Left Hand says that no nation can pose a threat to the U.S., but I’d be worried about a Napoleonic-era grand alliance between all the harmed countries against the U.S. I dunno.

OTOH, I think there is something to Blaster Master’s comment that someone may found out eventually. Also Left Hand’s thought that the existence of the cabal should be told simply to help the U.S. put its house in order…

TL;DR. Or rather, started reading but lost interest halfway through, and checked all the boxes.

I’m not sure about the good cry, but he needs to get some sleep so that he knows he’s made a rational decision rather than just reacting. He also needs to do some more information gathering.

The folks in that room were telling the truth, but did anyone in the government know this was happening?
If not, was there any reasonable way that the government should have known?
Have other cabals operating out of other countries done big evil?
What was the reaction to that?
How likely is it that another cabal could form?
Would advertising the cabal make it less likely or more likely for another cabal to form?
Would advertising the cabal really cause the US the level of grief they’re claiming?
Is the US providing aid to the stricken areas?
What else is in that warehouse?
Are there other such warehouses?
Would punching asteroids make him feel better?

The bottom line is this: there is no way to explain it all without telling about the trident, and the fewer people who know about the trident, the better!

Bob needs to have a good sleep, a long cry, and then make the right call - keep the knowledge as compartmentalized as possible.

If someone else finds out and spills the beans, he’s going to be super busy again, stopping them from killing each other trying to get it.

Mmm…maybe. Napoleon didn’t have nukes, and if the rest of the world ganged up on the US, I’d lay pretty heavy odds some nukes would come into play. Far more likely would be massive sanctions against the US, moving the US out of favorable trade status and treaty status, removal of the UN from the US, etc.

Most important to me, though, is the idea that the rest of the world has a right to know what the Powers That Be in the US are capable of getting up to, that we’ve organized our government in such a way that murderous cabals can gain lots of power. It’s not our decision to make about how the rest of the world should respond, it’s their decision.

It not entirely clear to me if all the members of the cabal are going to be properly punished, and if the government is going to take real steps to prevent that from happening again. The OP just says that they’re turned over to P’s federal organization. How confident are we that this organization is trustworthy?

I’m assuming from the OP that we’re meant to believe that the conspirators will be punished and no further conspiracies allowed, and if we really believe that, then I’m all in favor of our superhero keeping his mouth shut. Having already fixed the problem, is a confession going to produce any real improvement, or will it just make new problems? I’m not a fan of lying either, but there’s room to choose what gets shared and with who. (In this sense, it’s just like my position the thread we all had about confessing infidelity).

However, if he’s not confident about the remaining parts of the government, then it would be better to spill the beans. The bad folks have to be held accountable one way or the other.

As for the trident… yes, that should be kept. If only because our superhero lacks a sidekick and I just don’t how the world can function otherwise. The sidekick can be the wielder of the trident. He should adopt a young circus performer boy with an androgynous name, dress him up in tights and a mask, then pretend like there’s nothing gay about that at all.

Generally, I favour full disclosure of historical facts, but if ongoing harm with no particular benefit ensues, then Truth is a movable feast.
I’ve regretted showing off by talking, more than I’ve regretted denying the impulse.

Make them face the shitstorm head-on. Because nothing stays secret forever, and the cover-up is always worse.

I checked options 2, 3 and 4. Given the President’s apparently truthful statement about the terrible short-term consequences if word of the cabal leaks out, Bob-X should keep his yap shut for now. But I would tell the President, Attorney General and FBI Director that I expect them to do their utmost to see that the cabal is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I don’t expect them to fix the jury, of course, but Penelope deserves justice in a court of law.

He certainly needs to get some sleep, cry if he needs to, then reassess. After reading the above, I agree that it’s likely the conspiracy will out, and it really should be faced by the U.S. leaders in a heads up way, Shit will ensue, regardless.

What kind of dumbass conspiracy was that, anyway? If you destroy the rest of the world, just WHO are you then going to sell your reasonably-priced munitions to, anyhow? The Glorious Dictatorship of Detroit? Sheesh.

If he is a superslacker why would he do anything that might possibly give him more grief or work?

Is the reporter hot?

C’mon, Skald wrote the OP. You have to ask?

I went for options 2 and 5. Keep your mouth shut to stop the current threat of war, get rid of any more stored artifacts, people can clearly not be trusted to not abuse them (although destruction might not be necessary, store them on Mars if need be)

Upon more reflection I think option 3 is needed before he can clearly come to these decisions, so add one more to that option since I didn’t vote for it.