Someone should report this thread to Lynn. I find the title misleading and trolling.
Maybe I am being obtuse, but what’s the point of going to a coffee shop for some privacy to try and read a book?
I did - the thing is that that’s the scenario where you are nice - and you are nice once or twice - and someone assumes talking to them means you’ll continue talking to them, sleep with them, marry them - and eventually you just stop being nice so as to not leave the wrong impression with guys who can’t tell the difference between “interested” and “barely civil.”
I do this all the time when I’m on the other end of town. I work on one end of town and occasionally I’ll meet friends. There might be an hour or two to kill. I’ll get out of the office, grab a book, go to the coffee shop and read.
I know a lot of college students use coffee shops to study in - as noisy as they are, there isn’t the distraction of the TV, your PC, the SDMB, your laundry.
Hi.
I’ll sometimes work in them, especially if on the road when I am bored senseless of my hotel room.
But I guess I expect there to be a degree of noise, and that may well include people saying hello. Though I am such a gargoyle normally parents shield their children’s eyes, while groups of college students point and laugh nervously in amazement.
You dirty bastard! You’re “running game” on someone aren’t you. Is it me? Is it?
I’m fascinated to know that I can no longer initiate conversation with anyone in public, lest they think I’m trying to “bang them up the ass in a cheap motel”.
Did you talk to the person who followed you home? Just wondering, because I’m thinking that if someone is going to stalk you, they might not have to have encouragement.
Just what I was going to post.
But since I don’t drink coffee, I thought there might be something I was missing. Is it possible to have the same Starbucks quality coffee at home? Is taking it home not the same?
If people really want to be left alone, why go to a coffee place? Aren’t they social places?
Given the difficulties you seem to have at them, might it be more advisable to try a bookstore or even read in the car instead?
It strikes me as people going to bars and wondering why people are trying to pick them up there. Isn’t that what people do there?
I strenuously object. If I am expecting anal, it’s a Marriot at the very least.
So, go to a nice hotel. Problem solved 
I’m having an old friend for dinner …
Perhaps she wouldn’t have minded being social with someone closer to her age and, from the OP’s description, someone less creepy.
Whatever age women of her ilk lose the pretentious “everybody wants me and only talk to me to get in my pants” philosophy; usually around age 35-40, give or take, at which time she’ll be begging dudes to notice her.
“Young and beautiful, someday your looks will be gone.”
–Captain and Tennille
As far as the OP goes: Sleazy jerk!? What if were Tom Selleck?
you’ve missed the whole point.
She was waiting for the “Right” guy to chat her up, which she would have heartily welcomed while her heart fluttered and her mind ran scenarios involving prince charming.
Unfortunately, a pervert/dirty old man/friendly stranger that did NOT fit what she was looking for dared to say hello instead.
If you wimmin insist on guys making the first move in general, quit getting bent outa shape when the wrong guy does it.
That’s different. That’s completely different. Obviously. /nod
So that’s a yes to the anal sex, right?
Maybe this young woman knew this older man. Maybe she didn’t.
If she didn’t, then she was a bit rude and so was he. Neither of them were objectionable, but neither were all that considerate either.
But if she did know him then maybe she had her own reasons for not speaking to him and walking away.
What I don’t quite understand is why anyone else sitting there can assume that they were both strangers and decide that one was more at fault than the other.
Sorry - I just wanted to be flattered so I can turn you down.
(why does everyone always hit on me. Why!?)
So that was your ad I saw on Craigslist!
I’ve spent a lot of time working (either serving coffee or writing my thesis), reading, drinking coffee, and generally hanging out in a lot of different coffee shops. I have never ever heard of coffee shops being thought of as places to pick up (except perhaps the former steps of the Second Cup at Church and Wellesley*). Perhaps things are different here in Toronto. Are coffee shops considered meat markets in the rest of the world?
I’d consider it analogous to hooking up with your seatmate on an airplane/train ride. A lovely romantic story if it works out that way, but certainly not an expectation that should be accommodated by others.
In any event, even if I am the only one, I certainly don’t go to coffee shops (or take train rides, for that matter) in order to meet people and I don’t think it’s reasonable for anyone to expect that I am. If I’m reading in a coffee shop, and someone approaches me to chat, I have two options - ignore him or return his “hello.” In neither case do I gain anything (I don’t particularly enjoy talking to strangers, and often don’t enjoy talking to people I already know and like), but if I return his hello there is a small but non-zero risk of creating further expectations in his mind (examples have been given upthread about these sorts of expectations). I just came to drink my coffee and read my book, so on balance, why wouldn’t I just ignore him? So that a few random strangers in a coffee shop won’t think I’m a bitch?
-
- just sharing my delight that Wikipedia has an entry for this!
It is possible I said hi in return to his hello - I used to be naturally friendly until several events of this nature convinced me that friendly leads to problems (I must have really given off a ‘interested’ aura when I intended for a ‘polite’ one). To tell you the truth, I don’t know - I know I was in Rosedale in Roseville Minnesota shopping. I know I drove home. I know that about two minutes after walking into my house in South Minneapolis their was a knock at the door. I know that I answered the door and a guy was standing there saying “I saw you at Rosedale and thought you were so pretty. Will you go out with me.” I possibly, at this point, overreacted because I shut the door in his face, locked it and yelled go away. Which he did not do. So I said go away or I’ll call the police. And he did not leave (the whole time he kept asking me out). So I called the police. And he was gone before I got there.
I also got a secret admirer note from a guy at the gym which was really creepy and I never went back (“love when you smile at me,” “your taut muscles,” “someday I’ll work up the courage to talk to you.” “got your address from your workout card”). The gym refunded my money and let me out of the contract. A guy tried to pick me up by writing his phone number on a $100 bill. Another took my phone number off a check at a store where he was the clerk and called me to ask me out. And I had a telemarketer decide I was his salvation from his dead end job and let me know he’d quit and was moving to Minneapolis from Chicago to be with me because I was nice to him (that may have been my final “being nice” straw).
I was cute, but I was never that cute. I’m now 42 years old and married and find that guys just don’t randomly hit on me like they used to - and I’m not missing it. But if I got the vibe from someone at Starbucks, I’d just walk out. I’m probably a rude bitch because of it, but I’ve had too many run ins with creepy cluelessness.
But I also was friends for years with a guy I met in line registering for college classes.
And I seldom went to bars. Because that’s what you do there.