I don’t think that reading in a coffee shop is an indication you want to be hit on. Hanging out in a singles bar (etc) is about the only place where that’s a fair assumption.
But saying “Hello” isn’t a pickup line. That guy may have just been freindly or maybe he knew her, or maybe she did make eye contact, who knows? But you see the assumptions here- cute young girl, older man, so of course he’s trying to hit on her.:rolleyes::dubious: Let us say it was cute young girl, 90 yo grandfather with grandkids? Or cute young girl and older woman? Or cute young girl and 8yo child? Are any of these sleazy come ons? No- no one would think they are anything but someone being freindly. But horrors- it’s the dreaded older male!:eek: He must have lust in his heart, right?:dubious:
Hmm, so you assume the older woman could not be hitting on her, because there’s no such thing as lesbians, eh?
Or maybe the older may was gay? Would that make it suddenly OK? Or even worse?
See how the OP’s weird assumptions turn him into a ageist and sexist idiot? And, wait- the older dude first looked at her. But what was the OP, (an admitted older guy) *doing *watching the “very attractive young woman who looked to be about college age” so intently? Did our OP have lust in his heart? Did he simply imput to the other dude his thoughts and intention? Methinsk he protests too much.
So, now we know something about the OP- he’s the sleazy fucking jerk, who is also ageist and sexist.
Or not. Likely not. I just made all that up based upon a few observations, many of which were just conclusions I jumped to based upon a tint bit of info.
Maybe he’s just jumping to conclusions based upon some weird theatre of the absurd played out in his imagination.
I’m just a little confused by the OP. Is the problem the age difference or the fact that the guy was slightly persistent? If a young man had done the same thing, would you be equally annoyed?
By the way, it’s my impression too that the OP’s reaction was informed at least a bit by jealousy.
Could I pit all three of you for going to Starbucks to read or write in your notebook or awkwardly try to pick up young women? Whenever I go to the coffee place near my office, after I get my coffee, or lunch, or whatever, I end up having to stand there for like 10 minutes, coffee in hand while I stand there waiting for a table to free up. And half the people at the tables don’t even have any coffee.
Please, people, I just want to drink my cup of coffee or eat my lunch and get back to work. Save the seats for the paying customers, and when you’re done with your meal, be considerate of your fellow customers and don’t hog the tables, ok?
I totally agree with this. When I was young and got hit on by old-enough-to-be-my-father guys, I used to fantasize about saying something like, “seriously, you really think some old decrepit clueless dud like you has a chance with someone like me? Puleeze. Stop wasting my time.” I never said it, but I sure thought it plenty of times.
And do these guys ever consider that if they want a young spry companion, then could it be possible that young women also want young spry companions? After all, young women do have lots of other (i.e. better, younger) options.
The first time it happened I was 18 and he was 40… and married. It took several weeks before the nausea went away. So could that also be why she left?.. maybe she needed to go throw up?
Thanks - it was really more of a tongue in cheek response to the idea that all unavailable (or unwilling) women should stay at home. Equal opportunity impoliteness.
I don’t think either party deserved a pitting. We don’t know why the mature dude sat at her table instead of just making a passing comment like he gave everyone else. We don’t know why the young lady got up and left.
I’d get up and leave if someone kept interrupting my reading, whether I thought they were hitting on me or not, but that’s just me.
If there are seriously people there who didn’t buy anything and sat down by themselves or with others who also didn’t buy anything, not only is what you say warranted but I’m amazed the café hasn’t asked them to move along.
If they did buy something that they’ve now finished, fuck the fuck off, I bought my fucking coffee and as long as I keep consuming at a reasonable rate (as determined by the store, not by you), I can stay there until they close. Get your coffee to go if you’re in such a fucking hurry.
Well, you can go fuck yourself, man. It’s a place of business, and I really don’t think I’m being unreasonable in saying that if somebody finished their coffee half an hour ago and the place is full up, they should consider typing their thesis at home and leave the tables free for current customers.
If the café wasn’t for that, they wouldn’t offer free wifi and outlets and they would have a sign, as many coffee shops do, to the effect of “please limit your visit to twenty minutes” or a policy about how frequently you need to consume, again as many businesses do.
I don’t know what planet you’re from, but coffee shops are for hanging out in, whether productively or non-productively. Their business model specifically authorizes prolonged stays. Some businesses are designed for high throughput, and others are designed for people to linger in.
You’re doing coffee shops wrong. Just because it’s caffeinated doesn’t mean you have to ricochet off the walls. Just fucking get over yourself and get it to go. That’s why they offer coffee to go.
I’m now reminded of a story that I’d kinda filed away in my mind since it was so minor. It reverses the roles, a bit.
A few years ago my grandmother had some heart trouble and was taken to the local hospital. I went with her, and was thoroughly emotionally wiped out by the time she was admitted and the doctors started preliminary tests. So, I trundled off to the hospital cafeteria and sat, bleary eyed, eating a breakfast/lunch type meal, oblivious to the world. A woman, probably in her mid to late 60’s (or a hard-living 50’s) first made eye contact with me and smiled, and then said “You’re very handsome”. I said “Thank you” and then went back to eating my scrambled eggs in something of a daze.
I now know that the proper thing to do was to tell her “Madam, I am not interested in anal sex. Good day!”
I’ve been following this thread and I’m amazed at the number of people who seem to be assuming that the only reason the gentleman in question smiled and attempted to start a conversation was that he was trying to “pick up” the young lady (leaving aside the possibility that he was hoping for anal sex). I’m in my mid-50s and while I don’t spend a lot of time in coffeehouses (since I don’t drink coffee) I have been known to smile at people and say hello just to be sociable. Admittedly in this case it seems from the way the OP reported the incident that there may have been some missed social cues, but I don’t get the feeling that he was trying to do anything but chat.
Once when I was waiting for a bus I smiled and said hello to a young woman and we had a very pleasant conversation; it was shortly after I had moved here and she was a student at UNC, doubtlessly young enough to be my daughter, but she didn’t seem at all upset to have a person of my obviously advanced years try to talk to her. Maybe I just don’t give off sleazy vibes.
The thing is, as far as he knew he did have a chance with you. Because normally, a guy can’t know in advance whether his chances are zero or not. Granted, most 18 year old girls would not be interested in a typical 40 year old man. But some might be. So as a practical matter, if a 40 year old guy wants to date some young hottie, his best option is usually to approach a lot of girls.
I’m sure it occurs to them. However, there are a lot of girls who might prefer a man who is more mature and financially secure. Heck, for some girls it’s a plus if the guy has already been married with children.
I can tell you that it would be a lot easier for me today to pick up some 18 year old hottie than it would have been when I was 18 myself.
try to talk to her. Maybe I just don’t give off sleazy vibes.