The SMDB Remake Pool: A frankly terrifying game!

Cafe Society
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Simply put, dopers nominate movies that they think will have remakes announced in the next twelve months. Next January, we’ll see who got the most. The winner will be awarded with a “Get-out-of-watching-braindead-remakes” card for the following year, allowing him/her twelve blissfull months of remake free cinema.

Here are some nominations from myself:

1: Rosemarys baby: Horror remakes are the most common (Amityville, TCM, Omen, Fog), so whats left to plunder? Surely Scarlett Johannsen can fill Mia Farrows boots?

2: Apocolypse Now: AN gets remade. Come on, you have felt this disturbance in the force! Someone will do this! The horror! The horror!

3: Dog Day Afternoon: Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell hold up a bank, become celebrities! Someone hold me a place in line!

4: The Outlaw Josey Wales: I feel westerns will edge back towards the end of the year, and surely noone will have the balls to remake Leone… surely? So, next down the line is Clints classic, probably starring Colin Farrell, or (Jesusfuck) Paul Walker.

5: Enter the Dragon: Bit of a wildcard this one… I feel a kung-fu movie will be remade, and this one sticks in my mind… Tony Ja as Bruce Lee… Somewhere, you know movie executives are having this exact idea…

So, post away. If the movie you suggest gets announced as a remake in the next twelve months, thats one to you. Although, hopefully movie executives will realise that the remake rush is destroying cinema, and we can post movie after movie and not a single one of us gets a point… yeah, Right!

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The Twelve Chairs.

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Jaws

the CGI shark will spark a huge internet outcry.

There will be more scenes of half eaten people.

and those little punks who swim with the fake shark fin will get shot by the police before they realize it’s a hoax. This is wishful thinking on my part.

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MASH

Animal House

Caddyshack
MASH could be cool if it were done right, but what are the odds of that? I pray I don’t live to see the day someone tries to remake the other two, but what are the odds of that?

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Do you mean MASH the 1970 Altman movie that won the Oscar for Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material from Another Medium for Ring Lardner Jr. and was nominated for Best Actress in a Supporting Role - Sally Kellerman, Best Director - Robert Altman. Best Film Editing - Danford B. Greene and Best Picture -
Ingo Preminger. I think it has already been done right.

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The Most Dangerous Game, either officially or (most likely) unofficially.

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I’ll say A Touch of Evil. In period, with Antonio Banderas as the Mexican cop. The American will be sigificantly more svelte than Welles.

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I’m sure if MASH were redone it would be based more on the TV series, since that’s what people are most familiar with. A direct remake of the Preminger film would be much harder to pull off.

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I’d say “The Vikings” with the roles of Tony Curtis and Kirk Douglas redone by Matt Damon and Ben Aflleck, or even “Some Like It Hot” with the Marilyn Monroe role done by Madonna …

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err… Robert Altman film?

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The Sound of Music with Jessica Simpson as Maria and Harrison Ford as Capt. Von Trapp.

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Eraserhead with Vin Diesel.

Did I mention it’s a musical?

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I’m not sure a movie based on a short story written in the 20s can be considered a remake of anything.

Especially a story as universal (and kickass) as The Most Dangerous Game.

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Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? with Jeri Ryan and Jenna Elfman

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Couldn’t be worse that when it was remade a few years ago as a truly dreadful vehicle for the Redgrave Sisters. Lynn was clearly imitating Bette Davis in the film.

Another Davis/Crawford classic:

Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte starring Glenn Close as Charlotte, Diane Keaton as her husband, Linda Hunt in the Agnes Moorehead role and Brendan Gleeson as Charlotte’s dead daddy and 'em.
SINCE TV TO BIG SCREEN TRANSITIONS ARE HUGE:
Welcome Back Kotter starring John Travolta as Gabe Kotter, Gabe Kaplan as his father, at least one member of That 70s Show as a waytooold sweathog and Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs as Mr. Woodman.

Green Acres starring Kevin Spacey as the agriculture obsessed NYC power lawyer, Charlize Theron as his South African wife who in New York would rather stay, Brendan Gleeson as Mr. Haney and Frank Cady as Sam Drucker. (Word of advice should this be done: film Frank’s scenes early.)

Adam 12 as a Stiller/Wilson picture, with Brendan Gleeson as the evil drug lord. (Strangely, the last time I saw Kent McCord in anything he looked exactly the same as he did 35 years ago except his hair is white.)

BJ and the Bear starring Ashton Kutcher as the world’s hottest trucker, a CGI as his gorilla, Bear, and Brendan Gleeson as Sheriff Lobo.

Different Strokes- In this remake Dakota and Elle Fanning are the children of a white billionaire who for some reason in his will instructs that they are to go live with his black maid (Wanda Sykes) in the slums of Queens.

Sanford & Son Morgan Freeman and Will Smith take on the title roles with support from Queen Latifah (Esther), Bernie Mac (Bubba), Frankie Faison (Skillett), Dave Chapelle (Rollo) and Brendan Gleeson (Grady). (In truth, Chris Rock was actually once courted to play Lamont in a remake of S&S but told them "That show was called Sanford and Son, but it should have been called The Redd Foxx show- you’ll never make it without him.)

My Three Sons- Hilarity ensues when three grown brothers (Nathan Lane, Sean Hayes and Tom Cruise) return to live with their single father (Sir Ian McKellen) and his housekeeper, “Uncle Charlie” (Elton John). When the quirky blonde next door (Ellen Degeneres) comes to dinner, which brother will win her- or will it be dad or Uncle Charlie?