On my way to work this morning, I had to squeeze past an umbrella that could easily have sheltered the entire cast of a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, including the chorus members. New York sidewalks are not that capacious—and unless you are over 400 pounds or are actually the Wicked Witch the the West, you have no business carrying an umbrella with the wingspan of a 767.
I keep hoping a gust of wind will come along and carry all these SUVs of the Sidewalk aloft with their owners, like the rejected nannies in Mary Poppins . . .
Oh, they all seem to have corporate logos on 'em—I assume annoying corporations give them out to their most annoying employees and instruct them to go forth and brush everyone else off the sidewalk.
The best part is when you’re standing at a crosswalk, waiting on the light to change. The overly large umbrellas always seem to somehow slide under your umbrella, acting as a conduit to funnel the rain directly onto your shoulder.
You stole my line. I used to rant daily about these umbrellas in San Francisco and called them “the SUVs of the sidewalk.” I’ve only seen one in NYC. I’d probably start telling people off if I saw them here.
On my way to work this morning, I had to squeeze past an umbrella that could easily have sheltered the entire cast of a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, including the chorus members.**
It’s not the width, it’s the height. No, really. I’m guessing Eve isn’t especially tall or she wouldn’t wonder about this. I’m only about six feet, but in anything heavier than a mild drizzle, or if there’s any wind at all, I get wet from the thighs down under a regular size umbrella; those little ones can’t even keep me dry to the waist. And if I’m walking with anyone else or carrying anything, everything except my head gets soaked. Bigger umbrella (we’re not talking beach umbrella, though, or even golf), no problem. I find all you supposed midgets, Eve, tend to hold your umbrella spines right about my eyeball level. The small ones are just as dangerous. So it ain’t the size, it’s what you do with it (I do try to hold mine OVER other peoples to make passing through a crowd easier).
Just consider yourself lucky you never got stuck walking behind or anywhere around me in about a 3-4’ radius. I tend to carry around a big stick umbrella that I’m prone to swing wildly about unprovoked, and have bonked people walking with me (purposefully and not) on many, many occasion. The actual canopy part is of a moderate size, though. I’m short.
