Now THATs a prize we could use about now…date night…woo hoo 
Cool.
[li] Let’s start off with a back-to-back-to-back comparison of the Philips, London, EMI, Chandos, and Deustche Grammaphone’s complete editions of Richard Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen. This way I can sit, drink coffee and do crossword puzzles while the music is on. At 20 hours average for each set, that would take care of several days of broadcasts.[/li]
Bonus: We can run this during the pledge drives: Send money, or we play the edition with Larry Storch as Siegfried.
[li] We own only one Gregorian Chant CD, so I can tape-loop small sections of it for the Sunday morning religious broadcasts. No one will notice, and we won’t have to buy another one for months.[/li]
[li] The Best of Philip Glass - “3 hours of your favorite rhythms by the Master of Minimalism, or I didn’t notice the CD was scratched and skipping”.[/li]
[li] And for those who need to stay awake all night, I’ll play anything from Florence Foster Jenkins and Mary Schneider.[/li]
Now about that raise we discussed…
Hey, since we’re doing the Straight Dope version of WKRP, can I play the part of Jennifer?
I mean, I’m not stacked like her, my hair isn’t blonde [sub]anymore[/sub], but I’ve got the cutting wit and that stare that shuts people up. Plus, she was pretty nice and I’m hoping my Pretty Nice Person certificate comes in the mail this week. I passed the class - honest!
Can I be the guy that goes around demo-ing new products and sample merchandise? [ul]This new product we’ve got here, the Ronco Pillow Fluffer sustained only 15 hits from our sledge hammer before breaking. I give it a thumbs down!
This new Audi TT courtesy of Crazy Fenris’ New Car and Soul X-Change. Drives like a dream, I give it a thumbs up and I’m outta here![/ul]That or I could do the snow report![ul]Yes, it’s coming down in glorious white sheets! Inches and inches of powder covering everything in sight. Be sure to put on your tire chains or engage your four-wheel-drive, it’s a beautiful day out there![/ul]
For donuts, I’ll do a weekly commentary. 15 minutes, not counting commercials or my theme music. (I’m thinking Powerhouse by Raymond Scott.) If you want me everyday, Saint Zero is going to have to share his crullers.
If you don’t want me at all, that’s really going to cost ya.
-Rue.
I wanna be the intern that is routinely sent on sucky assignments to do live remotes. And that’s humiliated on air.
Sheesh, Rue, you don’t want much, do you? 
::MsRobyn goes to the donut shop to open a charge account::
screech-owl, my personal opinion of Wagner is he’s of the devil. You may, however, play “Ride of the Valkyries” so we can all sing “Kill the wabbit”. I like your idea of using the same Gregorian chant CD over and over. It all sounds the same anyway and it’s not like anyone listens to radio on Sunday mornings. (Well, I do, but I’m a Sunday Weekend Edition junkie.)
BunnyGirl, if you want to be Jennifer, then by all means, the job is yours. It pays $11.50 an hour to start, with benefits and all the coffee and donuts you want.
Oh, and T. Herman Zappo, talk to the ad director. I’m sure he’d love to take your money. 
Robin
Well, it took some heavy duty effort (and lots of moaning and screaming ;)), but she finally convinced me to let a pinko on the show.
If we just stuck to good conservative thinkers like me it wouldn’t be any fun. 
Madame:
I shall thank you not to confuse me with my wastrel brother T. Herman! Whilst he has lived a life of leisure running the news-paper Father gave him in exchange for his first wife and gallivanting amongst the stars in a rocket-ship, I have been left alone to tend to the family businesses. It has been I who singlehandledly slit the throats of our competitors, mangled those who dare enter our market-place, and defended the ideal of capitalistic enterprise from the Progressives, Free-Thinkers, and Fellow-Travelers whose odious half-truths undermine the very foundations of the Republic.
Under my able and munificent leadership, the phosphate-mines have become the most productive sources of phosphate in the world, the steam-ship line regularly beats the fastest Zeppelins from Jersey City to Bremerhaven, and A.Z.I. has become the largest supplier of licorice-flavored emetics west of the Caucusus! Credit for these achievements is mine and mine alone! I am the one who burned the midnight-oil and put his fleshy parts to the grind-stone while my dissipated and loutish younger brother spent his time receiving mustard enemas and pining for Lillian Gish.
To that end, I wish that you send this “ad-director” round to my pent-house high atop Mt. Baldy. I shall be very interested to hear what he has to say.
However, if you do not wish to trade with me I shall have no choice but to purchase a competing wireless-transmitting station and crush your organization like a skittering rodent. To that end, I have sent a tele-gram to Mr. Fenris offering him double his present salary, four nubile virgins, the use of an auto-mobile, an unlimited supply of crullers, and lifetime passage on any of my steam-ships should he come to work for me at such time as I enter the wireless-transmitting business.
Trifle with me and you’ll get a taste of what I did to Powel Crosley! Mavis, bring my pills; I’m having another spell–no, you addlepated beauty-contest loser, don’t put that in the letter!
I eagerly await your reply.
Yrs. vy. trly.,
/s/
Zappo
President, CEO and Godhead
Amalgamated Zappocorp International
“Proudly Gouging Those Too Stupid To Know Better Since 1936”
::runs in::
::lobs more bunnies around the studio::
::returns to “training” the intern::
And thus the number of intern applications skyrockets. The line forms behind me.
My apologies, Mr. Zappo. The ad director will be dispatched to your home posthaste.
Robin
Morning radio? That’s soooooo passé.
Now, if you need anyone for Morning TV, well then :buffs nails:
Can I be the weather guy that everyone pokes fun at?
Vis
Madame:
Your gracious apology is accepted. Please inform the ad director that he should phone ahead and enter via the North entrance, as the ponji sticks are being refinished at the other points of ingress.
Hmmm. . .Rexford, cancel my purchase of that wireless-broadcasting station immediately. The fools have decided to grovel before me in the hopes that I might toss a few coppers’ worth of advertising their way. . .I think we should take that money we were going to buy that station with and invest in the asbestos school-lunch tray concern instead.
Did you take that down? No, no, NO, you idiot! I wasn’t dictating that! Were your parents related before they got married? That’s the only explanation I can think of. . .
Yr. fthfl. svt.,
/s/
Zappo
President, CEO and Godhead
Amalgamated Zappocorp International
“Proudly Gouging Those Too Stupid To Know Better Since 1936”
::staggers in, looking thoroughly debauched::
::stuffs happy fuzzy bunnies down Zappo’s pants::
::returns to “interviewing” intern applicants::
Woohoo! I love being the intern!
And that was the best interview I ever had!
Hey, you folks are gonna need a technical type to run the boards, right? I humbly submit myself as producer and engineer (I’m perfect straight man or foil for the morning host. I also make a mean cup of coffee).
Does that mean I get ‘interviewed’ too?
:::Heads over to the intern “interview” line:::
I never knew radio interviews were like THIS!