The Street Is Not A Fucking Monster Truck Demolition Rally, Shithead!

Lady SteveMB and I were heading home after dinner with a friend who was in town for a few days. While everybody was waiting at a red light, the microcepalic moron (henceforth known as Shithead) driving a SUV to the left of us decides to move into our lane. The fact that there was about two feet of space in the lane was no problem, as he simply used the power of his mighty vehicle to drive UP ONTO OUR QUARTERPANEL AND OVER OUR HOOD just as the light changed.

Fortunately, nobody was injured (though for a moment Lady SteveMB thought Shithead’s wheel might come right through her window) and our car is still driveable. We followed Shithead for long enough to 1)see if Shithead’s brain would grow three sizes that day, causing him to realize that he is supposed to pull over (answer: no) and 2)get the SUV’s description and license (we both kept reading and repeating it aloud while I fished out my PDA). After a block or so, it was clear that Shithead was going to run for it, so we found a place to park and called the local police.

The police arrived shortly thereafter and took our report. They were a bit astounded by Shithead’s effrontery, but didn’t indicate any doubt of our story (our vehicle damage clearly fit, for one thing). The next day, we dealt with our insurance, which covered the damage (beyond our $250 deductable) and rental. Other than one minor bureaucratic snafu with the rental bill, which was straightened out fairly easily, all involved in this stage deserve kudos.

The upshot is that Shithead claims that his SUV was stolen, he filed a stolen-car report (after the accident), and then it miraculously turned up the next day. How convenient. In our followup conversation with the police, they made it about as clear as they could without actually saying so that they find Shithead a bit lacking in the credibility department. According to our agent, our insurance company’s team of ninja attack lawyers is attempting to recover the costs out of Shithead’s hide (if they succeed, we get out $250 back, though I’d glady write it off in exchange for leaving Shithead with barely enough worldly goods to keep body and whatever malign force occupies it in place of a soul together).

What I really regret is that neither of us got a good enough look at Shithead himself to pick him out of a lineup, which could have got him a well-deserved term in the pokey for felony hit-and-run. :mad:

Sorry about your car.

Shithead was probably drunk and decided to risk lying to the cops rather than take the DUI/DWI.

The cops should check his SUV to see if there’s any evidence of hot-wiring or forcing the locks. If there’s not, they should treat his story like the bullshit that it is.

If he has more than 1 1/2 brain cells (which may be doubtful in this case), he would just make the obvious excuse that he left the keys in the ignition while he went to buy some smokes.

He actually drove over your hood?

Good god, if there’s any justice in this world, he’ll lose his license. Jesus!

… holy shit.

I am left with no words.

That’s why I drive an SUV. Say you make the odd mistake and change lanes into someone. With a pussified car, you slam right into them and you are screwed as well. With an SUV, you drive OVER them and all is well when you come down on the other side. That is, unless some psychopathic asshole tries to chase you down and give you and bunch of shit eventually bringing the fuzz into it. All that does is piss you off and promise yourself to buy a bigger and faster SUV the next time. That’s why non-SUV drivers, or “civilians” as I like to call them, have insurance.

I say track him/her down.
Then - sometime, when the moon is full - take this instrument to surgically remove random sections of sheet metal from that precious SUV.

Extra points for a custom sunroof. :smiley:

Sorry to hear about your experience.

There are no words. Here I thought I had it bad with people using my street as a race course (I’m between two major roads but on one end, it is only an exit to a road) because they turn off the highway and scream down my street to pop out on the parallel road. I have people pulling up outside the buildings around me and TOOTing at all hours. And then there are the screaming children.

That said, Steve MB, I’m very grateful for what I’ve got and incredibly glad that you and your Lady are safe.

Shit gets stolen all the time, and more often than not, turns up pretty damn quick. Do you really think the guy that spent the money on the “SUV” chose to run you over, or some doped-up prick who stole it?

You don’t like “SUV’s”, but get over the fact that some kid in a stolen vehicle hit you most likely. Would it have been okay if a Prius rammed you? That seems to be your tone.

And speaking of tone, if you were any kind of real “hero” you would have run them down and kicked their ass. You are a puss.

Ask me how I prowled the streets till I found my stolen motorcycle, followed the shithead home and went “Die Hard” on the whole crew I found operating the chop-shop.

I think it is quite clear from the OP that Steve MB is mostly upset about the shithead, not the fact that he drives SUV. How do I deduce that? Because Steve generally restrict his comments about the shithead, and don’t make assumptions about any other SUV driver…

As for reasons to doubt the driver’s claims?

Do tell. How many men did you shoot/hang/drop off a building, and were any of them Germans named “Hans”? And was doing that really easier/smarter than just getting onto your motorcycle and driving it home?

Sorry about the douche. But hey, it’s a good story!

What were you driving? And what kinda SUV was it?

I’m wondering what you were driving, too, that could 1) be driven over by an SUV and 2) still pursue the SUV afterwards. I’m not doubting you; I just think that’s a hell of a testimonial for some car!

We were driving a Mazda; Shithead was driving a Chevy Blazer.

The reason I described the Shitheadmobile as a SUV is that, obviously, a description of a “car” (evoking a defaut mental image of a mid-sized car) doing this Truckosaurus maneuver would seem ridiculous.

What year was the Blazer. :dubious: I want one.

Yeah I’m poking a bit of fun at you, and I’m sorry for your troubles, but no stock SUV is gonna drive over the hood of another car. It may damege it, sure. But it is not going to run over it as you claim.

Can’t be done with anything less than a highly modified vehicle.

Maybe.

Again, I’m sorry for your troubles, but your exagerations tend to make those that know nothing about vehicles tend to spread rummors (my cousin had a friend that new a guy) that are simply not true.

It does seem that shitheads vehicles of choice are SUV’s, not just this one shithead, but most shitheads seem to prefer SUV’s.

Oh really? This “shithead” will remeber your remarks the next time he helps someone with the wrong vehicle, in the wrong place.

What was your name again?

Oh yes I remember. Your the person that can’t take care of themselves but would gladly ask a stranger for help and then bitch at them because you where not prepared.

Yeah, it’s a good thing she said ALL SUV DRIVERS ARE SHITHEADS.

Oh wait, she didn’t. It couldn’t be that you’re a bit oversensitive. Course not.

Here ya go:

hyperbole

Glad i could help.

RE : hyperbole. Exaggeration. Basically, a lie in disguise.

Sad thing is mhendo, that many people believe these kind of stories to be true.

Now, I don’t doubt that kancibird was hit by an SUV. I do doubt that it ran over her hood. So I do believe she is at the very least, stretching the truth. Quite a long way.

So, shitheads drive SUV’s, but you are not necessarily a shithead if you drive an SUV. Thanks for the clarification.