Hello…I may have an overinflated sense of self-esteem, but if a girl asked me for gum everyday, I might start to think she was hittin’ on me.
This thread has been most amusing.
I also have a story to share:
I’ve been working as a tour-guide in various places
for the past few years and tourists can come up
with the stangest questions and comments.
My fav so far:
After a city sightseeing tour one lady comes up to me
and is wondering where to go for dinner.
She has one place in mind and my job is to give her
directions where to find it.
Tourist: There is this place I want to go to…
Pez: (very polite) Do you know the name of the restaurant?
T: Uhm, no.
P: Street name?
T: No.
P: In which part of the city?
T: Dunno.
P: Close to the hotel, or far away?
T: Dunno.
P: What kind of food?
T: Can’t remember.
P: (desparing)Is there anything you know about this restaurant?
T: Yes! I know it’s house nr. 9 in the street it is!!!
How can you beat that!!
“Ross - do you know of any reason why you may not be married to this woman?”
What am I going to say to that? Do they realise how tempting it is to go “Oh SHIT, I completely forgot I’m a married celibate eunuch and she’s my sister! And I’m gay! And you’re not a minister, you’re a fireman! And I’m supposed to be in jail RIGHT NOW!”
Seriously, I do have problems trying not to give smart-ass replies to stuff like this. Mind you, all husbands trailing around after shopping wives should be acquitted from this category… after forty-five claustrophobic minutes surrounded by a Hitchcockian display of every kind of shoe you can possibly imagine, I did once ask a shoe-shop assistant if he sold shoes. But that was a JOKE.
jsc1953:
Perhaps the “Boobs” in my name threw you off. Understandable. I’m a girl also. I don’t have a problem with lesbian relationships; however, I think this girl does. I don’t think she was hitting on me. Thanks for replying though 
…comes from a person who comes up to you while you have a full dance floor and asks,
“Do you have anything good?”
DJDarq’s inner monologue: Geez, like what? Lady (most of the time it is), I’m paid to read crowds, not minds. I have no idea what is “good” for you short of a brain-aneurizing orgasm. I can put on Aqua and you could either say “yeah!” or “oh gross!”, and can gamble on getting a similar reaction from Metallica. But until I get an artist or a song title, you are getting little help from me.
DJ Darq’s outside voice: “Uhh, like what?”
Dimwit: “I dunno. You know, something GOOD.”
DJDarq: (sigh) “Can you give me an artist or a song title?”
Dimwit: “I dunno.”
(After a few years of coinversations like this, I just gave up and figured “I’m a DJ, I HAVE to have a sense of humour, even if it is snarky.”)
DJDarq: “Nope.”
or
Dimwit: “What do you have?”
DJDarq: “What are you looking for?”
Dimwit: “Well, tell me what you have…”
(uhh… a list of over 2000 freaking songs provided by the company that SPECIALIZED in weddings for over ten years! What do YOU think?)
DJ Darq: “Nothing but John Denver, Ingelbert Humperdink and an old cassette of… well, I hope you like polka!”
Now, usually that breeds a laugh from most. But when I get that dumfounded expression followed by a whispered “really?”, I know I’m in for a loooong night.
or
(a personal fave)
Dimwit: “Hi, I’d like to make a request.”
DJDarq: (smiling) “Alright. Bring it on. What can I getcha?”
Dimwit: “Can you play that song… you know the one they play on the radio all the time?”
DJDarq: (facial expression unchanged) pause. blink. slight twist of head. “Which one would that be?”
Dimwit: “You know…”
DJDarq: “Help me out, here. Do you know the singer, or the song title?”
Dimwit: “No. But it’s really really popular…”
DJDarq: (trying ever so hard not to laugh into this woman’s face) “Okay… can you tell me WHICH radio station plays it? is it on ‘X’(dance radio), ‘Q’(Modern rock), ‘Z’ (Country), orrrr…??”
Dimwit: “Oh, NOT ‘Z’!”
DJDarq: (well THAT narrows it down, doesn’t it?) “Okay, can you give me a LINE from the song?” (I am a professional, you know…)
Dimwit: “Umm… I don’t know how it goes…”
DJDarq: (getting to wit’s end now, decides to be clever) Makes a show of pondering.
Dimwit: “You know they play it on the radio all the time…”
DJDarq: (Like that’s MUCH more help than before…) “Oh. OH!! You mean the one-” snapping fingers like it’s on the tip of my tongue “Umm… yeah, the one with the singer!”
Dimwit: (Like we’ve started communicating through some alien-psycho-super-brain-read level) “Yeah!”
DJDarq: “No problem, I’ll throw that on in a few songs, okay?”
Dimwit: “Great! Thanks!” (scampers off)
True story, folks…
The people behind her who’d overheard the entire conversation we’re looking at me in awe as I shrugged my shoulders and said “It’s probably something I’m going to play anyway.” They laughed.
PS: At the end of the night, the same girl came up and thanked me for playing “That song”. I still have no clue what it was.
Maybe I’m missing something, but why is this stupid? I believe the question is asked in order to a) determine whether to put your order on a tray or in a bag and b) depending on your local taxing authority, whether or not to charge you sales tax.
jsc:
In his order he specified “to go.” Don’t worry; I missed it at first also.
ohhh, maaannnn…I just hate being stupid in public. I will slink away, now.
btw, F.U.B–it never occurred to me that you were a girl. Funny how preconceptions work.
Well, guess I should jump on the bandwagon and give my fav:
Patron walks right by the stairs and up to my desk.
“How do I get upstairs?” she/he asks.
I’m always tempted to respond (and I get this one at least once or twice a year) “Approach the first riser; transfer all your weight to your left foot; raise your right foot and place it firmly on top of the first riser; slowly transfer your weight to your right foot; CAREFULLY straighten your right leg; place your left foot next to your right foot; repeat as necessary.”
Or maybe we just need an illustrated guide to this…
jsc:
Hehe… like I said, the “boobs” threw you off. I got my name from my friend’s 6-year-old brother. Crazy kid.
There’s this girl in my HS anatomy class (I can’t stand that class) who is a senior and she asks the most moronic things. Our teacher will state a simple fact. Immediately after, this girl will take the statement and make a question out of it because she doesn’t understand and is so confused. (example: “The pulmonary artery goes to the lungs. The pulmonary vein comes back to the heart from the lungs.” “So wait…if the pulmonary artery goes to the lungs, then where does the pulmonary vein go?” - this is almost right after we learned that arteries go AWAY from the heart, veins go TO it) My teacher words things so that a two-year-old would understand. Besides repeating things several times, she always has the exact notes on the overhead. I can’t remember any specific questions from this girl; I wish I could.
As a part time white water guide I get my share of dumb-ass questions.
“How deep is the river?”
“Well, at the bank it get pretty shallow.”
“What is that knife for?”
“My bullets got all rusty.”
“Will this river take us back to where we started?”
::always tough to answer::
“If I fall out, will you pull me back in?”
“For $20.”
It goes on like this all day sometimes, and in spite of that, this is a great job. I get to abuse tourists and they give me money.
Don’t sweat it. But if you missed it, F.U.B. missed it and I (I admit) missed it in writing, is it that shocking that the cashier missed hearing it while punching in an order in the middle of a noisy restaurant?
But yeah, it makes my eyes roll when the first thing I say is “I want this to go,” and they always finish by asking “is that for here or to go?” Oh, well. They’re nice people in a busy job, so I just smile and play along.
–sublight.
Since this thread started, I’ve actually been paying more attention to the stupid questions people ask. Maybe we’re on our way to solving one of society’s big problems! Naah…Fortunately, where I work (animal hospital) there aren’t that many. People do ask a lot of questions they are afraid we’ll think are stupid, but we know there are a lot of things pet owners wouldn’t necesarily know. Of course, there are a few. From the person whose dog hasn’t eaten for one reason or another in a few days: “She hasn’t defecated since yesterday, is that a problem?” (And her intestines would have had what to work with?) Or after I’ve explained that not spaying their dog increases the risk of breast cancer, or their overweight cat is at risk for diabetes:“Dogs/cats GET that?” (Well, why wouldn’t they?) The worst was from a woman who, for reasons too long to get into, I was ready to kill as it was. As people will sometimes do, she had been badgering me to death to figure her dog’s problem out, but refused to go to the specialist I had recommended. She finally relented, and as she prepared to leave, said, “So, what will the treatment be?” In tones I would use for a small child, I replied, “Well, since I don’t know what the DIAGNOSIS is, I really couldn’t say what the TREATMENT will be.”
1.) We were recording a TV show back in the 80’s with our first VCR. We were all chatting about something and my mum chirped up, “Shhh! Isn’t the tape thing going to pick up our voices when its recording?” (Love you mum 
)
2.) (God I love this one)
I’m at home and the phone rings.
Me: Hello?
Buddy: Hey dude! How are ya?
Me: Fine? What’s Up?
Buddy: Not much…where are ya?
(YOU FUCKIN’ KNOB! I’M AT HOME!!! YOU DID CALL ME THERE!!! SHEESH!!!)
Hah! I’m a guide too (in Massachussetts) and I get the same questions. But for the knife question, I usually answer “because they don’t let us carry guns.”
And our river does take us back to where we started! Our base is right on the river, so we take a bus from the base to the put-in, and then take out back at the base. It’s very convenient.
p.s. My favorite dumb-ass customer comment: “I didn’t realize I’d get wet!” :rolleyes:
I keep accidentally hijacking this thread. Sorry about that.
This happened to me only yesterday…
My health teacher wants us to make goals we can accomplish within 28 days. My goal was to stop using words offensive to homosexuals as insults. I asked her to check it. She said, “I don’t like this. I want something with a more positive effect.” (I’m offending people I have nothing against! How could stopping NOT be positive?) I felt like yelling, “That’s gay!” just for the irony. She told me I needed a more physical-oriented goal. Sheesh. As if being a teenage girl hasn’t already given me a bad self-image. Now my health teacher is telling me I need to work out more.
I’m sorry that my posts don’t revolve more around stupid questions. Better “luck” in the future, I guess.
HOW could I forget to include THIS beauty of a phone conversation from two years ago?
Setting: Me at the circulation desk of the law library.
<<RING>>
Me: (University I work for) Law Library. How may I help you?
Dimwit: Yeah, where are your government documents?
Me: We keep them in our basement.
Dimwit: Oh. (Long pause) How do I get there?
Me: (Thinking she’s calling from OUTSIDE the library) Where are you now?
Dimwit: I’m on the third floor. (She’s using one of the campus phones in the same buidling!)
Me:(Stunned silent for the moment) Um, well, you take the stairs or elevator all the way down.
Dimwit: Oh. How do I do that? (As God as my witness, she really said that!)
Me: You get on the elevator and push the button that says “B.”
Dimwit: Oh. Okay.
Please, God, tell me she’s NOT a lawyer!
Patty
Here’s the flipside. I’ve had the dubious honour of being impatiently informed “uh, excuse me but we’re closed” (complete with a mimed watch-tap, in case I needed a sign-language translation) after walking into an unlocked, well-lit store with several salesclerks. No, I didn’t stop to look at the store’s posted hours before entering – why would I, when the door was open? The mime-clerk acted as though I was clueless for not knowing, despite every indication that they were eagerly awaiting for my patronage, that they had ceased operations for the day and were just standing around before locking up. Feh.
I think the moral of this thread may be stated as JSC1953’s Axiom: For every stupid question, there is an equal and opposite Bad Customer Service Experience. Or to put it in psycho-social terms, what appear to be stupid customers are actually the victims of a previous, scarring BCSE.
…So anyway, I’m waiting in line at some amusement park, which I was forced by my wife and 3.5 lovely tax deductions to attend. (The “.5” was my 1 yr old at the time…but that is for another thread).
A great big sign above the concession window reads: 18" pizza, $13.99. It is hot, I am tired, nearly broke, and an old toothless guy is breathing down my neck. The line is not moving, and my kids are complaining they are hungry. There is confusion at the front of the line. It seems a woman there can not decide which culinary masterpiece of processed institutional food to purchase. Then, suddenly, with an alarming seriousness, she asks, “How big is an 18” pizza?"
A stupid question of this magnitude deserves no response, but in my disgust, I sarcastically blurted out, “About a foot and a half.” At that point, the woman opted not to eat and hurried away, and the line began to move.