Fortunately, I didn’t do this, but it happened to one of my sister’s neighbors.
He was putting new shingles on his roof but the back slope of the roof was much more steep than the front part. His remedy? Tie a rope to the bumper of his car and tie the other end to his belt. Pretty smart huh? Nuh uh. His wife hopped in the car and backed out of the driveway. She didn’t see him until he landed on the driveway in front of her. Poor guy broke several bones. My brother in-law tormented him endlessly about it.
That reminds me about something that happened to my aunt several years ago. Her daughter dropped her off in front of her house and then drove next door to her own house. Unfortunately, the hem of my aunt’s long coat had been shut in the car door and she got taken for a little ride. Thank god it was only next door or she might have been killed. I still can’t believe she walked away from it, she is no spring chicken.
This is far and away the funniest thing that I have ever read, SpidyRebs exploding pants had me in stiches.
I personally have done many stupid/nearly fatal things before but the story that comes to mind is from one of my friends.
One evening several of us were rather inebriated and were preceding to pour accellerant onto a fire. As one would expect when flamable liquid is applied to a fire the top of the bottle catches ablaze. Mistake 1: Dropping the bottle this caused the fire to become bigger, Mistake 2: Stomping on the bottle. Net result of mistake 2 being that burning fuel sparys out of bottle with flame thrower like effect setting the legs of the pourer ablaze. Mistake 3:All your friendsbeing too far under the influence to figure out what is going on. After 5 seconds we all got to the bussiness of putting her out.
Stupidly she wouldn’t let us call an ambulance but the blisters grew back without scarring lucky for her.
Back when I was about 20 years old, I was out on the driveway working on my car. There was this huge ugly bug buzzing around. Black and yellow, about two inches long. Nastiest looking bug I’ve ever seen. I just finished tightening the last bolt, stood up, bigass wrench still in hand. Bug lands on the top of my head. Freaking out, I go to smack the bug. With my right hand. The one still holding the big wrench. I missed the bug. It was almost a half hour before I could walk straight.
I saw one of those about a month ago. I was holding a shovel and a bucket at the time and couldn’t figure out which one to let go of first as I knew it was my itme to die… since my life was passing before my eyes, I just started running. Ever run with a shovel and a bucket with a two inch long wasp behind you? I got the bucket and shovel tangled in my legs, but they wouldn’t stop running and my upper torso was still back about a foot behind the rest of me I almost did a complete flip. Definitely a cartoon moment. All my neighbors think I am insane now…
Oh and those bugs, harmless unless you step on one or sit on it. Very peaceful little critters, only wanting to eat cicadas, not start fights or cause insanity and cracked ankles.
I remember two years ago, driving home from a camping trip. I was coming down a dirt road in a canyon. I felt something brushing on my bare knee and looked down to see these two black feeler / tentacle thingys advancing over the edge of my seat between my knees. They were about 5" long but I couldn’t see what they were attatched to. I FREAKED out! I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of my truck, it was still rolling and I watched it continue down the road but I didn’t care. I had escaped certain death by the black tentacled menace. Luckily for me, the truck left the road and was stopped by a small incline. Only a small dent in the bumper to show for it. Well, I walked over to it and prepared to do battle to regain possesion of the truck. Turns out that the 5" tentacles belonged to a 1" bug instead of a two pound man-eater. Boy did I feel dumb…
This one’s about my husband. (I’ve done my share of stupid things, but I seem to have blocked them from my mind.)
My husband used to buy the newspaper every day on the way home from work from one of those boxes where you put quarters in, open the door, and take out the paper. After buying two bags of food one day, he went through his usual routine (putting in the quarters, opening the door, leaning down and taking out the paper). He stayed bent to pick up the bags of food and the door closed shut on his tie. He tried to stand up straight, not realizing he was tethered to the box. The tie was firmly entangled in the lock. He couldn’t just pull the tie out. He was also out of change, so he couldn’t put in more quarters to open the door again. Out of options, he bent even closer to the box, loosened the tie around his neck, and took it off over his head. He slowly eased the tie out of the lock, mangling it in the process.
I chuckle when I picture him tethered to that box . . .