The Superbowl...My Way

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m not a big fan of football. I’d rather watch something else.

However, Ivylad is a huge fan. He commandeers the remote and I am forced to sit there and watch.

So we watched the Ohio State/NC State game (Triple OT!! :eek: ) and then the Tampa Bay/Carolina game, and I finally realized why I’m not a big fan.

There’s too many penalties.

It seemed like after every play in both games there were little yellow flags all over the field. They slowed down the game and negated any advances the teams were making.

So.

I decided, that in Ivylassworld, when it came time for the Superbowl, there would be no penalties called.

Face mask penalty? Grab that sucker and hang on for all you’re worth.

Roughing the passer? Hey, if you can get past the offensive line, knock him down and sit on him.

Late hit? Go ahead, take out your aggressions for missing the interception.

The helmets would have slits on the side to allow for better peripheral vision.

Encroachment? If the team has assumed the position, then it’s their own fault for taking too long to snap the ball.

Offsides? Well, you have the ball, so if you can grab that extra half second, go for it.

No time outs. If you’ve gotten to the Superbowl, then dammit, you better have your act together. You don’t need to go talk to the coach about strategy.

Oh, and how come there’s no women referees?

2

Because there would be an “official” time out every few plays while the refs adjusted their makeup? :smiley:

:::ducking:::

3

And they would periodically make en masse trips to the bathroom to gossip.

“That Warren Sapp, he is SO holding!”
“Tell me about it. I’m going to call roughing the passer just to piss him off!”
“NO!”
(Giggles all 'roung)

4

Maybe you should watch some Rugby.

5

Penalty on number 72, and if he doesn’t already know what he did wrong then I’m not going to tell him!

6

You would so love a video game called NFL Blitz that was wildly popular a few years back. Unfortunately they had to wuss it down.

7

Broken neck or back from the late hits? Leave 'em on the field to rot. Retaliation for the late hits? More time to scan the crowd for TV and movie celebrities during the extended fights. Rough the passer? Why not- he only cost his team $10 million, he can sit on the bench or in the hospital and let someone else play. Eventually it will be back down to the level of everyman, since the athletes are all in traction…

That’s all the sarcasm I’m devoting to this outside the Pit. The only thing I agree with is the part about women referees- there is no good answer, and if a woman wants to be a ref, a kicker, or a defensive lineman- as long as there is no special treatment on the field for the women- I have no problem with it, and would actually welcome good female players.

8

I’m sure ivylass understands all that and is just joking (if not, then I’m sure your sarcasm will serve the purpose of explaining some of the reasoning to her). I thought we were going to hit the world record for penalties last night. Apparently, the commentators did, too, since they looked up the stats to see what/when the record was. I mean, really, what were those guys thinking??? Weren’t they paying attention at all? They all know better than the stupid crap they were doing! I bet there are some rough practices in Tampa/Carolina this week!

9

Of course I was kidding. I don’t want any broken necks…but I saw a roughing the passer penalty called because of a “head butt.” The replay did not show a deliberate head butt, but instead a very enthusiastic tackle with an incidental helmet to helmet contact. This makes me wonder exactly why everyone is wearing all the padding if they’re barely allowed to touch each other.

And I have seen some rugby. I’m not sure some of the pro football teams could handle a rugby game.