The tale of the letterbox and the maniac (long)

Reposted (with a few changes for clarification) from here, at G’Dope, because I would like a wider audience, and to give an update…

Who the ‘maniac’ in the title is, is up to the reader to guess :slight_smile:

So we went with Option #2 and continued shoving her crap back in her mailbox.
This went on for about a fortnight, until suddenly no mail appeared scattered across our lawn. No junk mail strewn to the winds, no previous tenants mail spread across our luscious weeds.

So we think she’s gotten the hint and started cleaning up after herself. And all is good.

This morning we get a phone call from a sweet old lady to tell us that several bills and a detailed bank statement all with our name and address on them have been ripped from envelopes and are strewn across a bus stop, two blocks from our house.

We have no proof it was our neighbour. But a lot of circumstantial evidence to point to it, which I won’t go into. By dates, we are fairly sure the only mail that was taken was taken on Thursday and Friday, so we’ve been lucky. And I guess we should’ve expected it in a way, for not just sucking it up and disposing of the rubbish/junk mail ourselves. But I’m still a bit pissed at her. I’m also tickled, because this tells me exactly how much we were bugging her, and my inner bitch finds that amusing.

So given the fact that we are now definitely moving within a two months, and on Monday I am paying for a PO box and redirecting all mail to it, does anyone have any amusing, funny (non-serious, non-realistic) suggestions on what can be done with the puppy-stomper. We personally think she may have ‘issues’ so we will not do anything at all between now and when we leave to aggravate her, but we’ve spent a good part of the day chuckling over odd things we have imagined doing.

I’m a fan of a dead fish in her letterbox. But then again, I think a dead fish improves the humour of any situation. :smiley:

Loathe though I am to disparage the charm and inimitable cheeriness of a dead fish, perhaps a live one would be better.

In her mailbox, I mean.

Obtain one (1) fish, live and approx. two (2) gallons of water, fresh or salt as needed. In addition, acquire one (1) power drill with appropriate drill bits, and one (1) funnel, and finally a copious supply of epoxy, rubber cement, or some other fast setting adhesive compound.

  1. Drill a hole in the top of her mailbox, large enough to accept the funnel.

  2. Place fish in mailbox.

  3. Close mailbox, and seal with adhesive substance.

  4. Place funnel in hole.

  5. Pour water into funnel, filling mailbox.

  6. Chip away most of the sealing compound, making it possible to open the mailbox without the use of power tools, but leaving the mailbox door water tight.

  7. Retire to a safe distance, and enjoy the show.
    For maximum viciousness, ensure that the fish is one of those spiny, prickly buggers. This way, when she finally manages to open her mailbox, she is faced with not only a copious amount of brackish water, but a large angry fish that will, purely as a bonus, of course, leave her with several lacerations and punctures.

Dead fish, live fish, rubber chicken… all funny suggestions.

The tale is no longer whimsical and tongue-in-cheek silliness.

Today our neighbour confronted me at the letterbox, got up in my face, screamed insults, abuse and two direct threats at me and swung at me. I turned tail, jumped in my car and got away from her.

This is the longest interaction I’ve ever had with her, and I’m terrified. I think she’s actually unbalanced, not as an insult, but as a fact.

There were no post office boxes available, so we have redirected our mail to our in-laws house for now. I am extremely worried over what she might do, based on her threats. I just want to move far away from her asap, because I don’t think she’s operating rationally.

What was a little bit amusing is suddenly very scary. :frowning:

Sorry, I just needed to write this out, as I’m sitting at home wondering what she’s planning to do to us. I have to go to work tomorrow, what’s she going to do to the house, or our car ? I keep thinking how easy it is to make threats, and that she’s probably all bark and not bite, then I think about her breaking laws by tearing our mail up and leaving it at a bus stop and I’m not so sure. I wish I felt a bit safer. :frowning:

My idea involves a large balloon, some baby powder, a long hose and a vacuum cleaner set to ‘exhaust’.

It’s funny to visualize, but it would probably be too difficult to put into practice.

Have you thought about calling the police and letting them know she’s threatened you and tried to hit you? They probably wouldn’t do much at this point, but at least there would be something on record already if she does try and do anything more with your mail, your property, or you. Good luck.

You have missed one of my personal favorites. You are having YOUR mail forwarded to a place known to you to be safe. Now have HER mail forwarded to a place unknown to her entirely.

Amberlei, thanks for the advice. I did file a police report. They offered the option of getting a PSO out on her (restraining order) or just making a report. I went with making a report, so that the incident is on file if she does something else, and because I didn’t want to enrage her further with a formal police thingy.

Adamcomic, there are huge fines for forwarding someone’s mail without their authorisation. I’m doing everything by the book, at this point. Believe me, the temptation to do something as we leave is strong.