The trials of making friends as we get older

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Tell me your new person fiasco stories.

I hear this often, that as we get older our circle of friends gets smaller. While I have work friends and a few close friends, go out and socialize regularly, I try to make new ones but it can be hard/awkward without some kind of group or mutual reason to run into each other.

Met someone new at a RL get-together of neighbors from an online forum. Had a great brunch and another woman my age laughed at my jokes and we parted saying we should do something sometime. After some emailing back and forth a bit, she had an extra ticket to a concert at a dinner/wine venue and it sounded good so I took her up on it.

Skip to meeting up to go there last night, we took the train so met at my stop after she texted me which car she was in. (She gets on the stop before mine.) I hop in the car, we’re waving at each other and as I sit next to her I realize she’s drunk. Like slurring, red-eyed, clumsy but at least not totally sloppy drunk.

I played it off. Tried to ignore it. She wasn’t obnoxious so I decided to go anyway, I really wanted to try the venue for the food and wine and the live show was supposed to be good. The tickets were already bought.

Overall the night went okay. She had some wine with me but didn’t overdo it, seemed to get a little more sober as the evening progressed. One food spill, silverware on the floor but at least missed me, and a couple loud comments that could have been done without but weren’t over the top.

I think I’ll meet her again for coffee or something less pressure. I’m hoping she was having new-person anxiety and self medicated rather than this being a regular thing.

Oi, it’s so hard to make new friends! I’m still hopeful she’s someone I could hang out with once in a while, but my mom’s side of the family is full of substance abusers and I won’t put up with it.

I didn’t mention anything to her at all, even on the more sober trip home. I didn’t think it was appropriate yet. I’ll give it another meeting and bring it up then - if she’s sober we’ll talk, and if she’s drunk again I’ll walk. :frowning:

2

She drove to the station lit up? That can’t be good.

3

Yes, the car references are train cars. We both walked to our respective stations. There was no driving!

4

I don’t have a specific story to share, but this recent article may (or may not) end up being relevant to the thread: How our housing choices make adult friendships more difficult - Vox. It’s long, but an interesting read.

5

Since I hit the magic marker of “old geezer” I take folks as they present themselves.

I have no problem anymore of telling them to F*** off nor have them telling me the same.
No troubles about making friends from strangers. It’s fun!
Sometimes it is just not worth it.
Other times it is enjoyable to meet someone weirder than ones self.
:smiley:

6

The last few invites I accepted from new friends turned out to be proselytizing missions for them. It makes one wary.

7

Now in my geezerhood I’m finding some friends more easily because all us geezers have so much in common. It doesn’t work out every time though, after complaining about our kids and taxes and the price of everything and and what hurts and discussing how everything used to cost a nickel there may not be much to talk about. But by that time we’re tired and we go home and we can just start over again next time.

8

And with aging memories it’ll all seem so new and fresh again tomorrow!!

9

I don’t think I’m in geezerland yet, but my knees are sure trying to get me there these days.

She texted me today that she moved like the Tin Man yesterday, sore from dancing next to her chair at the show. I would be, too, if my knees had let me in the first place!

Starting physical therapy Thursday.

10

I’ve given up on making new friends (I’m 67). By nature I’m solitary. And since I’m an atheist, divorced, no children/grandchildren, don’t fish or hunt or enjoy sports in real life or on tv, the pickings are rather slim although the people aren’t. My one friend is now in the midst of a separation/divorce/reconciliation crisis for which I have no patience, so I guess it’s just me and the dog again. The longer I’m by myself, the more my social skills (minimal at best) deteriorate. A casual acquaintance asked me out for a drink and I declined. I’m truly not sure I can stand to be with someone for more than 15 minutes.

11

I’m 25. I’ve been having a rough time of finding friends. I’m pretty shy, and enjoy being alone - but I regularly miss having someone that I can have a deep conversation with (platonically).
I made friends with a group of ladies at the local comic shop - they meet there once a week to play board games and card games. But I noticed that if I don’t attend every week (even if I keep in touch on social media) they stop inviting me to things and don’t really seem to consider me ‘in the group’. I just don’t have the energy for meeting up weekly AND going to all of their craft nights.
So when I DO go to their get-togethers, I feel out of place because they all spend so much time with each other. It’s nothing THEY are doing - it’s just a lot of inside jokes I’m not privy to.
I’ve noticed when I try and befriend people my age it’s “all or nothing”. So I’ve been sticking with nothing. I suppose my boyfriend and my dog are enough friendship for me.

OP - I hope your next meetup with this friend goes better than expected!