The Ultimate Movie: Casting Call

Cafe Society
1

Hi, I’m Smiling Bandit, and I’ve decided to film the Ultimate Movie. it will be the movie as no other movie has ever been.

The first step, which obviously should come before a script or plot, is to hire my actors. I want the Ultimate Actors for this Ultimate Movie. DOn’t worry about roles yet. We’ll build in as many roles as are required. Gotta list the actor and why or for what purpose they should appear.

Here is a short list so far.

Bruce Campbell: For the campy action.
David Bowie: Sheer Awesome.
Keanu Reeves: To project utter blankness at the awesome around them.
Al Pacino: Scenery chewing.
Ben Stiller: Being a wacky everyman that simultaneously annoys and amuses.
Jim Carrey: We can have him alternate between
Morgan Freeman: 'Nuff said.

Honestly, I’m having troublke with actresses. Most of the them fall into the “Hot but horrible” end or the “typecast genre actor end.” Any ideas?

2

You need to add Michael Clarke Duncan for the “smile and look scary” bits

3

Can we cast anyone who’s not still alive?

4

Eh, why not?

5

Kate Hepburn for the sassy independent career girl.
Grace Kelley to stand around and look gorgeous.
Jimmy Stewart for the Everyman hero.
John Wayne, because John Wayne has to be in the Ultimate movie portraying John Wayne.

6

Between what exactly? Don’t leave me hanging like this!

7

I think maybe that was supposed to be ‘between annoying and amusing.’ (As a callback to the Ben Stiller description.)

8

Bruce himself is beating you to it. Check out the last section of this interview. He wants to get himself, Robert Englund, Kane Hodder, and as many other horror stars as he can manage into one epic horror-comedy movie. The script can wait–he just wants to get them all together and see what happens.

9

I don’t know what we’d do with him, and I’m not even a huge fan of his, but the second I read the thread title I said “Jeremy Piven!”

10

Michael Caine
Gene Hackman

Roger Ebert says there is a law which states a film with one of these two gentleman will be on some channell no matter what time you tune in.

11

You need some laughs

Walter Matthau and Richard Pryor because they were always good even in bad movies.

Groucho Marx for some funny repartee.

John Ritter to do some physical comedy.

12

Meryl Streep. But to challenge her, we cast her as a character with no accent.

13

James Earl Jones: he does the narration