The Ultimate Non-Snarky Thread: What Dreams Do Have and What is Preventing you from doing them?

This isn’t some hippy-trippy poll and it isn’t the place for bad feedback on other people’s dreams. Most people have some dreams and often a way to realize them over time yet lots of people don’t ever do it. I really want to know why that happens in the long-term.

Mine dream is a getting a private pilot’s license. I took lessons but money was always an issue because they are expensive. I realized that I have the money for it now and can do it as much as I want straight through and finish yet I haven’t taken a lesson in two years. Not good. The only thing stopping me is myself and a private pilot’s license is good for life. I really need to get on that. I also want to hike the entire length of the Appalachian Trail from Maine to Georgia and I could make that happen but I haven’t. The failure point is just me.

I am more interested in what your ultimate dreams are however and why circumstances are blocking it. A spouse and kids to support are completely valid answers but lost of people don’t do what they dream of because of misperceptions. It isn’t that expensive to visit Paris for a long weekend and often cheaper than seeing my parents in Texas because I live in Boston with direct flights.

What are your dreams? What is holding you back from it? Honest question.

Let’s see, I have quite a few.

The one I want to do the most, and the one that will never happen, is get my pilot’s license. I have to many seizures and blackouts to be trusted as a pilot. I don’t know what the government regulations are on this, but I won’t personally try because of them.

Get my books written and published. I have a ton of ideas in my head, and have the story mapped out, but it just won’t come out on paper right. Part of it is I never come up with anything that sounds good when I’m actually sitting down to write, only when I’m in the shower. The other part is I tend to get distracted easily, and keep getting side tracked. Also, as my posts on here demonstrate, my writing skills suck. A friend of mine recently got her first book published, and I’m seriously considering working out a ghost writing deal with her.

Live to see 55. I don’t see this one happening, partly due to genetic birth defects, partly due to a family history of men dying early (my grandpa was the oldest at 54), and partly due to how out of shape I’ve been the last 15+ years. I’m working on the last one, but I think it’s going to be a case of too little, too late.

Marry my best friend. Don’t see this happening, as she adamantly refuses to even date me, much less anything more serious. I’m the only person in her life who’s never hurt her (her words), and she’s terrified that if we become a couple, she’ll do something to screw it up, and drive me away. Or vice versa. I told her if we hadn’t managed to do it in 14 years as each other’s best friend, knowing everything we know about each other, we couldn’t do any worse as a couple. (Seriously, there are no secrets between us.)

Get my handyman’s license. I’ve lost a lot of business by not being licensed, and I’m getting tired of it. So far it’s been sheer stubbornness that’s kept me from getting it. I’m tired of having to let my work speak for itself though. If a piece of paper will make people feel better, then I"ll get the damned paper.

That’s pretty much it for my dreams. Aside from world domination, but that’s too much work.

Getting a private license is overrated. It is flying part that is one of the best joys in life but being free to fly yourself anywhere isn’ practical to most people. You can fly as much as you want with an instructor and they will just be a responsible passenger once you learn. You can do that forever if you want. Instructors like perpetual students because they get to log the flight time for it and get paid a little for it.

This block is near and dear to my heart and it is easy to take care of. Look of flight schools in the area and see how much it costs for an introductary lesson. Most of them are hurting for students.

I want you to research this dream going unrealized based on the flight schools in this area and PM me if you run into problems. I had the same bug but it only takes a couple of hundred dollars to start you off and there is absolutely no commitment from any reputable flight school. You just show up and fly to the best of your abilities and take it from there.

Hmm. Thanks for the info Shagnasty. I hadn’t thought about going about it that way at all.

If I recall the regs correctly, you need to be seizure free without the need for medication to keep that way for something like 20 years. While normally I’m a big booster of aviation, if you’re prone to that sort of thing probably best you don’t pursue that particular dream, lest your user name become prophetic.

As for me - I actually HAVE fulfilled most of the dreams I had when I was younger. My current dreams are rather modest:

  1. I dream of being able to pay the bills for a modest lifestyle without needing the assistance of others. I used to have a life like that, I’d like it back, please. The current obstacle is a lack of steady, full time employment at a living wage in my area. I’m working on it, I’m working on it… When I couldn’t get hired I went into business for myself. It’s a struggle.

  2. I’d like to be a writer successful enough to live on my writing. I’ve already been published several times, I just don’t make enough money at it. The chief obstacle there is really two-fold: first, I’m spending most of my time struggling just to get by with a hodge-podge of activities intended to generate money; second, I need a little more self-discipline to write *every day/i], plan out projects, and see them to completion. I’m working on it, I’m working on it…

Seriously, my dreams were crushed at a very young age. My dad considered his kids all useless idiots and told us so pretty much daily. He would actually laugh at you if you said anything like, “I want to be a ___”, and tell you that you’d never be able to do something like that.

In a similar vein, I never once went to a school dance, or participated in a sport or any other extracurricular activity because he either wouldn’t allow it, wouldn’t pay for it, or wouldn’t provide transportation (we didn’t live within walking distance of my schools). I didn’t even get a driver’s license until I was 20 because he wouldn’t pay for the course in school or teach me to drive. To the day he died I was never once allowed to drive his car, even after I had a license and had owned my own car for years.

So I learned not to have desires or goals. I am still in the process of unlearning that.

You did win an international competition for a worst first starting sentence in a novel though. That is pretty impressive and I mean that honestly. I have have pretty hard on you at times but I am a fan.

I have a hard time figuring out why people don’t make moves in the general direction of what they want and I am trying to encourage people to do that while they have a chance. The economy sucks but most thrills are still cheap or free.

I do think most people have a mental block that it takes a million dollars to do what they want and that simply isn’t true in the vast majority of cases.

I’d really like to run off and go apprentice and be a midwife. The boyfriend’s business isn’t bringing in money, though, and we’d starve without my job. And you can’t really work a 9-5 and be ready to go deliver a baby at all hours.

Of course, if I were REALLY serious about it I’d be doing the academic work now, instead of every so often flipping through the books.

My big dream in life is to live in New York. Not Manhattan- one of the boroughs would be just fine. I feel like I would fit right in there, and even my friends that have been there think that I would. It feels like home to me, but I have never even visited! I’m sure that sounds crazy but I don’t care. I haven’t moved there because it’s one of the most expensive places in the world to live- not just rent but every expense goes way, way up. Homeless in NY doesn’t sound like that much fun. Sigh.

Okay, I’ll reach high.

I think my greatest dream is to have a family and a home to come home to. By which I mean, being part of a family who would welcome me in when I came home, in whose company everyone can relax, and who I could support and encourage and be supported and encouraged.

I’d like to be able to be there for people. It’s been a long slow journey towards being aware of these things, actually learning to sense others’ needs and taking them into account. As far as I can tell, I’m about twenty years behind normal people in learning this; I’m doing around 47 what most people do around 27.

There are a number of people who inspire me with visions of what fatherhood could be like, among them TokyoPlayer, and my RL friend Charles. (Who just had a kid! (Well, his SO did…))

I’m 47. The father thing just isn’t going to happen, though I’m open to the possibility of being an uncle or being a stepfather. I’ve had many chances to meet women and largely missed them, mostly letting them pass unaware. About five years ago, I even seriously looked into the whole East European internet meet-a-bride thing, and abandoned the idea, concluding that it was too expensive to be feasible. Heck, that was one reason I joined the Esperanto movement, hoping to meet someone through Esperanto. I know several international couples who met that way, but it was not to be for me.

Heck, I can design a house, and within a year I’ll have refreshed and improved my knowledge to actually build one. But a house is not a home.

I wanted to be a rock star for the longest time. I was a good songwriter – a decent guitarist and a mediocre singer, but I had the goods as a songwriter. Then I got married and had kids and got old.

I got a little wasted one night, and wrote up about twenty entries, and forgot all about it until they contacted me. I can’t honestly say winning that contest was achieving a goal, or a dream, or much of anything else.

I do take some pride in writing and communicating well. In fact I do a lot of things very well, and I have learned that I’m usually one of the brightest people in the room. And one of the most willing to speak up and say what I think – I think of it as “blunt”, but plenty of others think of it as “rude”. Most often they just think I’m goofy, because I actually say a lot of the crazy thoughts that pass through my head, that other people are not willing to say. In some senses, I’m pretty fearless. In others, I’m a coward, particularly with women. I’ve gotten so tired of personal rejection that I just don’t try anymore.

You might think that this self-awareness is a good thing, and generally speaking it is. But the bad part is that the more I learn about my capabilities, the more depressed I am about having pissed away so much for so long. And angry at my dad, who’s long dead, and angry at myself for feeling rather paralyzed a lot.

I actually went to an anger management program once, and learned something I didn’t expect. The other people in the group were literally speechless and trembling with anger, whereas I didn’t have any trouble at all clearly expressing what pissed me off – believe it or not, at that time it was not any of the stuff I’m talking about here . I felt lucky, because I wasn’t nearly as hobbled as any of the other people.

And ambition – I have have almost none, and I think that may be a learned thing, and I didn’t learn. Or if it is inborn, I learned to suppress it.

Damn, I’m now finding that my whine switch is stuck in the ON position, so I better stop.

Sunspace, you’re not as old as my dad was when I was born. Just FYI.

My pipe dream is to live abroad for a year or so with my family, but that’s extremely unlikely. For it to happen, my husband would have to get a job here in our city, with a company that sends people to live overseas, but only when we want to. :dubious: Also he’s a homebody and wouldn’t particularly want to.

More realistically, I want to travel and take my kids along. Like, to the East Coast for a few weeks to learn about early American history, or to the UK to look at castles an’ stuff, etc.–anywhere we can go in reasonable safety. What’s stopping me is money. We spent most of 2009 without income and are still climbing out of that hole, and now we’re on the skids again though I hope not for long. So, maybe someday.

I guess I should add that otherwise, I am pretty much where I want to be. My family, home, and work are on track.

I want to live in Scotland in a little cottage overlooking the sea. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to immigrate to the UK for Americans. That, and I kinda have to work for living…

To have my life back and to be a better parent.

Here is my most recent dream. I would like to create a robot or biological copy of myself to live my life for me. It would go to work for me, socialize for me, handle money for me, etc. And I would go off, change my identity and be homeless for a few years while everyone else dealt with my copy thinking it was me. Nobody knowing who I am, knowing my life, knowing my personality, etc. Living in the woods or just renting an apartment and living low key and not having my identity traced to me. I would love to do that. However it isn’t realistic. And the dream of just running off isn’t the same as having a copy who everything thinks is you but isn’t to leave behind to handle all the issues and stresses in your life.

Basically not being me for a while is my dream. I wonder if that is bad. Meh.

Other than that my dreams include:

Finding a decent job in a hippy/liberal town (can’t do it because the economy sucks and moving hundreds of miles to find a job isn’t realistic)

Traveling and working in central america or east asia (can’t do it because again, economy is bad and I worry about breaking into & out of my field)

Going on tour with a band I love either by following them around the country or being a roadie.

Most of my dreams aren’t impossible (mine basically just involve travel and moving away), just not realistic in the current climate. Most come down to economics. I fear not finding a job or not finding a job I like.
Other than that, I don’t know if this is a dream, goal or what but towards the end of my college career I felt fairly accepted socially. I had a great therapist, some decent friends and good group therapy sessions. I felt like I could be somewhat comfortable in my own skin and comfortable with my life and shortcomings. I miss having that and would love to eventually recreate a social atmosphere like that again.

I always wanted to do archaeology. I looked for colleges when I was applying, but none really had it. The only one I got into that did have the program was $15k a year, and that was 20 years ago. I decided to skip it for a couple of years.

Then I took a semester in Ireland, did a couple of archaeology courses. So I decided to try and go to school there. They didn’t accept me.

After that I pretty much gave up. But every few years the desire comes back, sometimes really strong. What I’ve done is volunteered for a few digs, which was great and I’d love to do more. That’s probably what I’ll end up doing. Though I do sometimes think that when I retire I’ll go back to school for it.

Things start to become mutually exclusive. I can’t become an engineer and a lawyer at the same time. I can’t do either without quitting my job, which I kind of like and is working out quite well even if it doesn’t pay lawyer money. Or all of the above and succeed as a composer too. I suppose I have done all of these things to a measure of degree if you want to look at it that way. And so on for the girlfriend- can’t exactly dump her, quit my job and run all over the world going crazy And have a family or have no family and take her with me around the world, and again, quitting the job is an issue, and there are only 24 hours in a day and law school takes up a lot of those hours. Same for engineering classes. And…

I think you see the problem.