It is somewhat difficult to fully appreciate the subtle, but varied nuances in style of two masters of harmony like Scriabin and Rachmaninov. Some may say this is because Scriabin was a misunderstood genius, writing solely for the benefit of his ear, and thus the true complexities of his music can only be grasped within the mind of a man who thinks and acts like Scriabin. Others refer to the fact that Rachmaninov was a people’s people and to comprehend the full richness of sound that pours over one when listening to his body of work, one must be in the accompaniment of a crowd who can discuss the pleasure as its occurring. Such a group is often difficult to find these days.
But truly, the greatest challenge in comparing and contrasting the
work of Alexander Scriabin and Sergei Rachmaninov is that music needs to be heard and, I’m like, typing this up. When you read it you can’t hear a thing, dog. Oh dude, unless you get one of those automatic readers like my man Stephen Hawking has. That would kick some ass, but I’ll bet it still doesn’t play music, you know? But how cool would that be? Hawking all jamming out on air guitar to Rachmaninov and Scriabin? Man, I would totally buy tickets to his concert. I’ll bet Hawking knows the difference between those two anyway. He’s pretty damn smart, I hear.
Explain how modern warfare has been influenced by the game of chess. List examples.
The use of chess to create tactics in war reaches far back in history.
Genghis Kahn, after raiding cities in the Middle East, discovered the game of chess being played by the inhabitants thereof and sent several thousand chess sets to Europe. The cultural elite studied these and created several strategies amongst themselves in complicated war games to help defeat the Kahn. However, since the Kahn had grown up playing only Chinese Checkers, he completely demolished the Europeans because they fielded only two men on horseback while Genghis had several thousand.
They say there’s a game called Chinese Chess, but I don’t believe it because the Chinese aren’t Christian and therefore can’t have bishops, and anyway the queen can’t be the most mobile piece on the board because they cripple her feet to keep her near the king. But they do have several million pawns, so the board must be pretty hard to build.
The only known case of a building moving around to claim territory as a rook would is the London Bridge, which cunningly had itself shipped over to Arizona, where it is now surrounded by fish ‘n’ chip shops and cheesy motels with “Y Olde” in the name.
next question: Describe the evolutionary advantages in being able to lick your own nose.
Few of us have evolved as far as that guy in KISS who has the really long tongue. In fact, he’s the only one I know of who can lick his own nose or any other part of his head. Dogs have long tongues so they keep their noses wet at all times. Cats do not have this ability and so their noses remain dry. If you have ever eaten ox tongue, it is really tough. Trust me on this. It’s almost as tough as Marie Callendar’s pancakes. You can lick them or use your nose to smell them, but you should never eat them.
Describe how silk is made, from the worm to the finished product in your closet
Silk is made from silkworms. The silkworms spin webs like spiders, by vomiting a long stringy-type substance out of their little silkworm mouths. This silk is collected by underpaid workers into large baskets, who then weave the silk into long silk fabric. This silk fabric is cut into clothes and stuff. And that is how silk is made.
Your essay: Describe the universe. Explain.
Invalid topic. The universe cannot be explained, as it is quite simply and commonly known that Bugs Bunny created the universe to bonk Marvin the Martian over the head.
Explain the connection between kleenex and Tolkien. Include specific examples from his work.
Tolkien was fond of saying “I like inserting referenes of kleenex in my work, no matter how obscure.”
One example, of course is the famous quote from the main character of his popular book which name esxapes me, which ofcourse was “It is better to do than die or use kleenex, fa, fa, la, la”. Tolkien had a volume of books ready to publish about the adventures of kleenex the sentient piece of kleenes’s adventure in middle of the earth, which has sadly been rejected from every printing house worldwide.
Next subject:** Porn as legitimate artwork: Feasibly ways of intellectualizing it**
Since the dawn of time men have artworked extensively. This practice was soon after taken up by women as well, whose artworking was easily as good as most males. However, the men felt inadequate due to their inferior artworking skills. Therefore they summarily declared all female artworking to be illegitimate, and all male artworking to be legitimate.
One of the more favored schools of legitimate artworking is PORN: Post-Operatic Realized Networking. Although the origins of this storied name are shrouded in history, the PORN style of artworking is still used today by the less intellectual members of the artworking community. PORN artworkers are usually distinguished by their refusal to differentiate between legitimate and illegitimate artworking, thus earning the title of unintellectual. However, a growing movement seems to be taking shape which does make this important distinction, thus intellectualizing their own contributions to the PORN legacy. Thanks to these pioneers PORN has a bright and glowing future with new horizons as far as the eye can see.
Next: Show the connection between the proliferation of Internet message board communities and the technological savvy of the population at large. Extra credit for subtly seeding in doper names.
There are so many message boards now because of AOL and I-Mac have decided there is more money to be made by appealing to morons who aren’t users yet, rather than trying to convince other people to switch to their products. AOL is gearing up to release AOL 11.7 in late 2004 which will have the tag line “It’s so easy even that even my retarded donkey can send e-mail!” Meanwhile I-Mac has issued a press release to admit that their utimate ad goal is to tell people that even if they’re too stupid to use a PC they’re sure to be able use I-Mac without problems; a sneak peak of an upcoming ad for 2004 shows someone breaking a pc’s dvd drive when they mistake it for a donut warmer, yet the same person is later in the commercial able to use Photoshop on an I-Mac. Their commercials invite even the dumbest of people to get on-line and they somehow find their way to message boards.
Since stupid people can’t deal with complicated rules, and get bounced from intelligent communities, someone takes pity on them and a vicious cycle begins: there are 1000 new message boards a day that do nothing but use pretty colors and smilies. Half of them don’t accept text in the messages. By 2005 one in three message boards will have no members who remember how to write using them.
People like ** Super Gnat, Enderw24, Kn*ckers, Biggirl and jjimm
** have only made one comment on the proliferation of these new dummy boards: " Well, at least they’re [the posters] not underfoot here."
Next: ** What is the most important piece of architecture ever erected?**
The Empire State Building. When built, it was the world’s tallest structure, the epitome of New York City, as well as America. It wasn’t just coincidence that King Kong climbed it; the building was a metaphor for greatness.
What people don’t realize that the building was a failure in the beginning. The Depression made it uneconomic (though it kept building costs down), and it did not attract enough tenants. An entire forty floors remained vacant until World War II. Think of that – a forty story building with no one in it. But the building created a fascination, with both its look and its view.
The design is classic. The Empire State Building is not only a skyscraper; it’s the idea of what a skyscraper should look like – reaching toward the sky like a giant church spire. The art deco interior design just adds to the impressiveness.
It is a building that is not just a landmark; it is an inspiration.
Who was the best general of World War I?
it is common knowledge that the best general of ww1 was, without a doubt, fred astaire.
his tap-dancing skills, combined with owning a really neat hat (it was green with sparkles) landed him popularity amongst the french, who kidnapped him one day while he was singing in the rain and elected him general.
his military success can be compared only to that of julius caesar.
oh, forgot next topic!
please give a short biography of charlotte bronte.
Over the years the ranks of eminent American paleontologists have swelled, but few stand out amid the great scholars as much as the legendary Charlotte Bronte. She personally identified over eight different species of dinosaur in her various sojourns in sub-Saharan Africa. Without a doubt her chief accomplishment was the identification of one of the largest land dinosaurs to ever walk the earth, duly named the brontosaurus. She was able to deduce its size and properties from merely a small amount of fossilized femur. She will be forever remembered for her exploratory daring and fine academic prose style.
For your next topic, please discuss the Roman historian Tacitus’ “daggered” style and its influences on later historians, paying special attention to Ammianus Marcellinus. Include specific references.
The Roman historian Tacitus’s style is called “daggered” because his tongue was probably cut out with a dagger, possibly after he implied that Caesar was not a divine being, as Orange Julius, the king at that time, believed. Because he had only a tongue-nub, Tacitus found it hard to speak. That is why today, when someone doesn’t like to say a whole lot, people call that person “taciturn,” after the Roman historian Tacitus.
Tacitus was mostly known for really long histories that go on and on and on, which mimicked his speaking style of droning on tonelessly and not making much sense and being really boring because no one understood the words he was trying to use. This style continues through all histories, even today. Just pick up a history book. You’ll see. Even stuff written by Ammianus Marcellinus is like that, and it’s not even in English.
Next topic: Discuss the ecological impact of the reintroduction of wolves to Yellowstone National Park, and the political clashes between Parks and sheep & cattle ranchers over this issue.
Well, that’s self-explanitory! The Parks are republican, as are the wolves, whilst the sheep and cattle ranchers are decidedly democrat!
**Give a full character sketch of Peregrin Took (as in PJ’s film). In your sketch, include answers to:
i) Why does Pippin have a Scottish accent when all other Hobbits are “British?”
ii) Why does Pippin scream like a little girl with pigtails when fireworks go off?
iii) Hi Opal!**
The reintroduction of wolves to Yellowstone National Park had far greater ecological impact than any had predicted. Their exile to the remote volcanic island of St Helena had imbued them with the ability to breathe molten magma from their mouths, and the claims from environmental groups that the wolves would find their ecological niche were clearly incorrect as the roving packs of lava-breathing carnivores devoured everything that stood in their way.
Parks administration and sheep and cattle ranchers provided a unified front after sixteen hundred head were destroyed by two wolves. Politically speaking, they had a solid case, in that the reintroduction of wolves could conceivably result in the destruction of the entire western half of the United States. However, in an attempt to bridge the gap, an environmentalist brought a captive wolf to a joint meeting of Congress, and a tragically-timed hiccup resulted in the complete annihilation of hundreds of elected officials in Washington, D.C.
As a result, the wolves were destroyed via aerial hunting, and the ramifications of the rebuilding process are beyond the scope of this essay.
Next topic: Trace the development of fiction in the vernacular from Dante’s Divine Comedy to the present day, paying specific attention to the King James Bible, the US Constitution, and FDA nutritional information.
Oh holy God. That is excellent work, lno! I think I have some bread lodged in my nose from reading that while chewing.
Carry on.
In past times, it was difficult to write in languages one did not speak. Once people learned to speak vernacular, it became much easier to make things up, hence the glorious rise of fiction.
Dante was a prototype for aspiring authors everywhere. Even though he wrote in Italian, that’s a lot closer to English than Latin, so that was a step forward.
When it came time for King James to write the Bible, he took another daring chance and discovered the King’s English (and he was, too, or else he was Scottish, which is close enough for government work). Of course he doesn’t deserve all of the credit since he wrote by divine right and was inspired by God.
When George Washington wrote the US Constitution, vernacular achieved its golden age. Note that this work actually exists (we have several copies), so it is not truly “ficitonal.”
FDA nutritional information, on the other hand, is evidence of a post-modern turn in vernacular development; indeed, it is vernacular modified to transcend mere fiction.
Next topic: Discuss the differences between modern American and French pop culture. Extra credit for explaining Jerry Lewis, french horns and Little Mermaid toothbrushes.
Since the arrival of the Medici family in France during the Renaissance, France has been a luminous locus of fine cuisine. One of France’s greatest culinary inventions is, without a doubt, yogurt.
Yogurt, France’s most popular bacteria culture, has had a long and important history. In fact, Louis Pasteur’s assistant, Metchnikov, was convinced that adding more yogurt to the western diet would result in medical miracles! The world’s greatest yogurt manufacturer, Yoplait, finds its home en France.
While America has not quite had the scientific success in creating pop culture as France, it has made a number of important contributions. Scientific studies have demonstrably proven in double-blind variable-regression analyses that Jerry Lewis albums can boost yogurt production because playing them in the background stimulates the bacteriological reproduction of Lactobaccilus bulgaricus, one of the most pop yogurt cultures. And nine musicians out of ten have found that they have more success cleaning their french horns with, you guessed it, a bit of yogurt on a Little Mermaid toothbrush. They have found that this is much more effective than the standard regimen of polish, especially since it is a well-known fact that French musicians do not frequently bathe and often have chronic halitosis.
For your next assignment, please discuss the implications of the 3rd Circuit District Court granting an en banc review Cybergenics Corp. vs. Chinery, and its implications for fraudulent transfer claims by unsecured creditors.
The case of Cybergenics Corp vs Chinery has been slowly migrating through the legal system since its inception in 1991 after Cybergenics Corp was spunoff from Cyberdyne Systems as a tax dodge. By using it as a research and development firm, Cyberdyne could obfuscate the fact that it was funding a network of computers known as “Skynet”.
In order to obtain the funding, it dependent on fraudulent transfers from unsecured creditors. Cyberdyne created a group of shadow investors known as the Chinery Group. Mrs Chinery was the leader of this, and she was known affectionately as “Ma Chinery”.
Ma Chinery and Cyberdyne’s research into endoskeletons and computer networking was uncovered by employees at Cybergenics, who were unaware that their company was a front for world domination.
The en banc review (Latin for “in the bank”, from the colloquial meaning of being completely sure of something that you could take it to “the bank”) means that future funding of Cyberdyne will be difficult to obtain, and that all research projects will soon be terminated.
Next Topic: The carbonated soda Dr Pepper does not have a period after “Dr”. The standard notebook screen is 15". Reconcile these two disparate statements. Refer to quantum mechanics, the 1980’s savings and loan scandal, and the decline of teen pregnancy in the 1990s. Show your work.
Discuss the differences between modern American and French pop culture. Extra credit for explaining Jerry Lewis, french horns and Little Mermaid toothbrushes.
Pop, or any member of the ever expanding family of carbonated beverages (also called soft-drinks, soda, tonic, or Coke) is produced, served and enjoyed differently in every country of the world (except Nepal, where it’s enjoyed the same way it is in Spain).
The production of pop involves a complicated fermentation process, which uses freeze-dried yeast (activated through the sugary syrup that flavors the final beverage) to produce bubbles of carbon dioxide - this is similar to the phenomenon which allows bread to “rise”. Only, you don’t have to knead pop. This fermentation process is referred to as “culturing” the beverage. Like all other aspects of pop production, pop culture varies from one country to the next.
France and the United States have unusually complex pop culture practices, and in both countries, the process is closely monitored by governmental health inspectors. in the U.S., for example, samples of the freeze-dried yeast are taken before the fermentation process can even get underway, and the yeast particles are carefully examined and cleaned of any debris, under a microscope. As an interesting marginal note, the brushes used to clean the dry yeast (so-called “little mermaid toothbrushes”) are special organic scrubbers made from the teeth of the tiny Little Mermaid fish, which abounds in American inland waterways.
France has long been known for it’s remarkable carbonated beverages, but the French pop culture process was historically a well-kept secret, right up until Congressman Jerry Lewis (R- Iowa) made his famed diplomatic visit to the French official government pop-lab in Paris, in 1975. The French were most cordial hosts to their visitor, and after several gallons of cognac, he convinced them to make public the secret to their pop culturing system.
It turned out that the French system involved piping the raw flavoring syrup through heated funnels (which Lewis referred to as “French horns,” but the French called “Horns Françaises”), which in turn heated the syrup, making it a much more hospitable environment for the yeast, and allowing fermentation to take place much more rapidly and much more abundantly that in the tepid syrup that was used in the U.S.
This exciting exchange of information led to the French Horn technique becoming popular all over the world. Within five years, it was universally practiced (except in Australia, which still uses the “kangaroo-pouch” technique for warming pop syrup), which pissed the French off somewhat, 'cause they were no longer special, but, hey, whatcha gonna do?
The End.
Next:
What is the significance of “waggles” and “runs” in a honey-bee’s food-location dance?