God dammit. I took WAY too long. Do the Dr. Pepper question before mine.
Dr Pepper, as we all know, was originally marketed as a prune-based nutritional supplement. Because it was pseudo-medicinal, most people assume that there is a missing “.” after “Dr”, but this is not the case. The name ias actually a phonetic shortening of the phrase “Der Pepper,” which is German for “The Plum,” and has nothing to do with doctors.
This shortening of the name was a mistake caused by the use, at the time, of small notebook screens (around 2"). The graphic artists, though attempting to fit the entire name in the logo, were unable to do so because the dots on the screen (also known as “pixies”) become crowded too close and, unsure of what to do, burst into flames. This is because of the quantum mechanical principle known as the “Hindenburg Uncertainty Principle.” In fact, it is quite a testament to the talents and perseverance of the graphic artists that they managed to get as recognizable a logo as the one that graces cans of Dr Pepper to this day. Prior to that logo, their best efforts resulted in a kind of spiral pattern with the phrase “De Ppr,” which was unacceptable to the company because it is the beginning of a popular German dirty limerick. Also, there were scorch marks.
To avoid the problems of pixie pyrotechnics and letter loss, notebook screens have been increased in modern times at great cost to a more reasonable size of 15"
This advance had the obvious effects on the financial markets in the 1980’s, which led, inexorably, to the lowering of teen pregnancy rates a decade later because teenagers, unwilling to enter into such an important commitment to another human being lightly, wisely put plans for procreation on hold until such time that they could again trust the banking institutions in which they have invested for their futures.
I’ll let Kn*ckers question be the next one
Kultur, be it literature-, yogurt-, carbon- or carbonated- based, is transcendant of commerce. It cannot, contra your typical S&L CFO or your world cyborg army, be bought and paid for with mere lucre. It takes love and time. So what if we have to forgive a few minor idiosyncracies like an unpunctual Dr ? Since Dr Pepper no longer actually contains cocaine, it is not strictly illegal to do this. Standardization is for laptops; the brown uncola is art. Reconciliation is way overrated when we’re comparing stuff that’s inside the litter box with stuff that’s outside the box, at least in the quantum plenum.
Bees have long been drawn to sweet substances. You can discover this for yourself with a simple experiment. Leave an open bottle of Dr Pepper on your back steps in July and bees will come. Because the honey in Dr Pepper (that replaced the cocaine) already contains trace amounts of avian DNA, bees that drink it sometimes develop avian spongiform enchephalpathy (“mad bee disease”), casusing neurological deterioration that makes them fly, well, drunk. Too much Dr Pepper also has an unfortunate side effect (which means an “unexpected or unintended bad result”) on the miniscule gastric system.
Many a teen pregnancy has been prevented by liberal applications of soft drinks (in lieu of hard drinks), but the statistics have likely been skewed by the inclusion of S&L CFOs in the dating pool.
Next Question: Provide a short history of French fashion since 1850. Describe the unintended bad results on the ferret, alpaca and albatross populations.
[comment on preview–iamthewalrus’s response was better, but mine attempts to achieve a certain completeness, in which it fails, I think, rather spectacularly. Therefore, I’m posting anyway.]
French fashion has led the world since 1850.
In an attempt by French fashion designers to reap monetary gains from the hitherto unexploited animal world, all female ferrets were rounded up, styled in ‘french rows’, draped in ‘negligees’, drenched in ‘cologne’, and little ‘handbags’ were sewn on the chin. Upon their release to the wild, it was discovered that male ferrets unaccountably preferred female ferrets to look, smell, and nuzzle like, well, female ferrets. Thus ferrets were doomed within a single generation.
Prior to the ferret release, scientists held ‘soirees’ at which the finest members of ‘society’ would view the stylish ferrets. A favorite treat of these people was albatross-onna-stick. The great frequency and popularity of these ‘events’ doomed the albatross within a single generation. (The vendor’s plaintive cry of “Albatross! Get your albatross here!” still rings reminiscently in my ears.)
It is erroneously assumed that the French destroyed the alpaca. In fact, it was the British who were at fault. When Gen. Python, B.S., L.L.D., H.R.H., R.N. (Mrs.) was sent to pacify the Amazon basin, he discovered a vicious swimming creature with sharp teeth known as the ‘llama’. In wiping out this ‘scourge’ from the face of the ‘earth’, certain close relatives of the llama, including the ‘guinea pig’, the ‘sperm whale’, the ‘polar bear’, and of course, the alpaca were doomed within a single generation.
** Discuss the stylistic influence of James Joyce upon Eminem **
James Joyce has always had an outstanding influence on Marshall Mathers, a.k.a. Eminem’s clothing style. While a very conservative man at heart, Joyce was actually the greatest influence for modern African American pop culture.
Take Eminem’s “Ice”, for example. He often plays shows with a large gold or platinum necklace- often with a cross or dollar sign embedded in the precious metal. James Joyce often did a very similar thing- which he started doing over 100 years ago!
Eminem also likes flaunting off his body- his hard abs and biceps. Amazingly, Joyce was infamously known for doing the very same thing- unfortunatly only in the confines of his own home, usually bathroom.
Finally there is the obvious baseball cap factor. Being Irish, James was not known for playing baseball, and had never worn a baseball cap. But he often wore a regular cap to fight the cold winters. This has obviously worn off on Marshall, who now replaces Joyce’s cap with his vintage baseball caps.
I just realized that ‘style’ was regarding profanity, not fashion. Oh well.
Discuss the impact of LSD on early Minoan Civilization