The Rapture is also known as “The Great Snatch” Yes, good catches can cause such passionate feelings in an outfielder that he can become enamoured with a higher power he believes may have been responsible for it. A great snatch can be spiritual.
On the other hand, my last girlfriend, now she had a Great snatch!
Errr… Sorry NEXT:** Misnomers**
Mis Nomers lived next door to me when I was kid. No one really liked to go over there because she was old and smelled like a combination of mothballs and BenGay, and she was always sitting on the front porch just waiting for someone to hit a ball over the fence. She was a mean old lady and everybody was glad when her son put her in a nursing home and sold the house.
Next: Aggravated Assault
I am feeling aggro! Like Agro that little furry guy! I wonder if he ever assaulted a cop! This is goin weird!
Cyas
Next: The wheels on the bus go round and round…
My report is on a book I read by Robert Cormier, called After the First Death. A bunch of terrorists hijack a school bus full of little kids, and a general sends his son in to do something about it. But he’s only a scared kid about 16 or 17, right? So he’s not overly effective in his task. Anyway, I think something bad happens to the bus and maybe it ends up upside down with its wheels spinning’ round or something, but I know a lot of people die in the book, including two characters no one would expect to be killed in a book meant for teenagers.
Next: Mulder and Scully
Well, Mrs. Johnson down the road had a set of twins about 30 years ago… at the time she was stoned through the entire pregnancy, including the delivery. Her midwife, Madame Jovieun was so busy with birthing that month that she constantly wore a skullcap to keep her hair out of her way while she did her job. Her pet rabbit came with her to every job, and his name was Mulder. Mrs. Johnson was SO STONED that she thought it’d be a great idea to name her kids in remembrance of the trusty midwife: so their names became Mulder and Scully. Of course, when they went to school, they were sent out wearing skullcaps and carrying white rabbits until they were in the fifth grade. Her mother quit all the drugs that year, and grew some sense and started packing them lunches instead of giving them rabbits to kill and eat.
Next topic: Corkscrew openers
The issue isn’t a corkscrew opener,it’s a corkscrew opener opener. Without THAT, you cannot open the corkscrew opener to use to open the wine with the corkscrew.
Oh, this is way too complex !!! I’ll just have a Mike’s Hard Lemonade please. 
Next Topic: The Tin Woodsman
Long ago, 'round these parts we had us the best Woodsman that ever hacked a tree. He was smart too! He knew about bears and surviving in the forrest with just a pocket knife and a piece of rope! He was soooo good that he was worth his weight in gold to his bosses. so he was called the “Gold Woodsman”. Well, eventually, as all good Woodsman he passes on to the other world.(Car accident you know, it’s said that was what he got for leaving the woods)
So, when the Gold Woodsman nephew showed up to take his place, everyone got real excited.As it turned out, he wasn’t up to the caliber of his uncle.We coulda called him the Silver Woodsman or the Bronze Woodsman or even the Iron Woodsman, but they just didn’t seem to fit. As it turns out he had a real good heart, so he moved to town and became a theripist.
Next: Thread Killers
Thread Killers is a retail buzz word referring to the sales associate who has to cut up last seasons left over low slung hipster pants (All Size 12 and above) that have not sold to make way for the Big ass dumpy looking cargo pants for the Pissed off Militant Lesbian look that is so hot for this fall.
Last seasons leftovers are cut up instead of shipped out to Africa, Cambodia and South America because, none of these peoples have any fashion sense whatsoever and continue to wear blankets and pots on their heads.
**Next Assignment ** Comma Splices
When you have a very short pause in a sentence, you splice a comma to give the desired effect. When one splices a comma, it splits it in half, hence the short pause.
Next up: Lawn chairs
Lawn chairs
From the original pig-latin awnlay airchay, the lawn chair was orginally the portable throne upon which ancient Persian food-tasters were transported. Darius III was noted for having no less than twenty food tasters transported by awnlay airchay prior to the battle of Gaugamela. Over time, after food-tasters rose in status with the creation of the assistant food-taster, the assistants took over the folding transportation devices while the food tasters graduated to love seats.
Next topic: The Defenestration of Prague
**Defenestration of Prague ** is when the village people ( the indian, cowboy boy, contruction worker and cop) chased after the flat headed monster with pitch forks and torches. They saved the city and the monster was killed.
**Next Topic ** Density
Density it what you will do when you grow up, i.e. Darth Vader’s remark “It is your density, Luke”. Of course, Luke didn’t want anything to do with his new-found father’s density so he cut off his own hand. Empire Strikes Back is, IMHO, on of the best movie sequels there is, right after Evil Dead 2. Let’s see…Density is also part of the name of some all girl group, Density’s Children I think. They’re okay, but they won’t grow up to be anything special. The End.
Next topic: Nuclear Submarines
Nuclear submarines
Nuclear submarines are the newest and most expensive stealth weapon in the Defense Department’s arsenal. The submarines are made of new clear composite materials, which, through a classified process reflect light so as to make the submarines invisible. It was argued that this was a really pointless thing and an insane waste of money, since submarines spend 95% of their time submerged, often at depths so great that no sunlight reaches them. (The depths, that is.) The submarines cost $15,000,000,000 and the Defense Department has placed orders for 50 of them, which has got many members of Congress very upset, especially with the whole global warming issue.
Next Topic: German vs. Irish castles
There was this family name Castle. They were your everyday ordinary disfunctional European Family. The oldest sons had a great rivalry. Usualy they argued over mundane and pointless things, like footie teams, religion, and politics.
But one afternoon, it got really hot. Tempers flared and some very nasty words were spoken.
Brother one says to Brother two.“Shut up you hot headed Natzi or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
Brother two says to Brother one. “What do you know you stupid Mick?”
Thier Mother(She was Irish, you know), god rest her soul, tried to break up the ensuing fist-fight but to no avail. The Brothers continued shooting horrid epitaths at one another.
When Pops(He was German you know) arrived home and heard the continuous clammer he had no choice but to ship them off to sepperate corners of the world. Not knowing who else to send them to he sent them to thier respective families in Home Countries.
Who won? Noone knows. Noone really cares at 9 am.
Next up: Kenetic Displacement
**Kinetic Displacement ** is when you forgot where you placed your kin. You usually find them at family reunions where they likely remind you the exact reasons why you never call, write, email or spam them.
**Next Topic ** Menstrual Cup
Blood – what was once a source of pride of womanhood – signifying the precious cycle of life through birth – is now shunned, hidden, and sometimes eliminated entirely. Menstural cups, which at one time collected the mestrural blood of child bearing women is now merely a neglegted relic of a simpler and more honest era.
Next topic – The importance of pantyhose in today’s society