Me, I don’t understand “why.” I’ll never understand. Understanding why my wife killed herself isn’t what I need to do. Accepting that she did is what I need to do.
As you say for your husband, I don’t expect to ever forgive her decision. Again, that isn’t what I need to do. I need to forgive her for making it. I’ve been able to do this because there’s more to be gained than lost from honestly accepting that I loved her.
I see it’s 11:20 PM in Melbourne. I wish you and your kids a good night’s sleep, kambuckta
I’m sorry, but I think this is nonsense. Your mileage obviously varies.
There is always another choice. He made one, and being angry with him for making it is a perfectly legitimate response. Taking the OP to task for having that response isn’t well done of you. Even when one has an illness, one has choices and options for dealing with it - treatment options, therapy options, medication options. 10 years ago, depression was well-known as an illness. This man chose to forgo those options in favor of one of his own making - his decision, and certainly influenced by his illness, but still his decision. I won’t denigrate him for making it - but then again, I wasn’t personally affected by his decision. The people he left behind to deal with it certainly have the right to question his call.
My profound sympathies to you and your children kambuckta.