The Volcano god is apparently angry - who are we going to sacrifice?

On the news this morning, then mentioned that further clouds and ash are expected from the volcano whose name cannot be said. Now I’m not an authority on this subject (who is?), but I figure that Pele or Vulcan or whoever is in charge of the plumbing is pissed, and we need a sacrifice, stat, or I’ll never make it back across the Atlantic for the end of my son’s baseball season.

Tradition dictates a virgin, but beyond the cruelty of that, where are you going to find a suitable virgin these days? I’m not even sure Catholic clergy are qualified. Plus we probably can’t identify a suitable virgin that we can all agree upon. Sure, Britney Spears would have made a great choice way back when, but that boat sailed a long time ago.

So, I will open up the floor to nominees. It should be someone that enough people like so that the choice is sincere, on the surface at least. Hopefully not someone that will give Eyjafjallajökull indigestion. Who should we toss in first?

I vote for ShibbOleth.

Eyjafjallajökull is angry that so many people pronounce His name wrong and His wrath shall not stop.

If Eyjafjallajökull had just said something earlier, we could have used Adriana Lima.

In breaking with tradition, I think that we should send a team of emissaries, led by Skald the Rhymer, to negotiate with the volcano. Perhaps a few crates of wine will be an acceptable substitute for some stringy, bland virgin.

You don’t start bartering with the good stuff. Maybe offer up those creepy frog like twins from Full House for starters.

Heh! Not a virgin, I’m old and stringy. Would most likely cause enough indigestion to ground planes for the rest of the century.

Oh no, are you saying that we’ve released a delicious demon?

Maybe we will find the solution if someone can decipher those lyrics. I sure can’t.

Hell, I’ll volunteer! As long as you let me buy some really nice clothes, luggage, and get me 1980s Meg Ryan.

Sarah Palin. Sure, she’s not a virgin, but how will we know that volcano gods actually demand virgin sacrifices unless we put the Virgin Sacrifice Hypothesis to the test? Science demands answers!

And if Eyjafjallajökull doesn’t like it, we get some more cool eruption pictures. It’s win-win!

What, I ain’t got enough problems already?

How about that Hannah Montana girl?

Maybe they’d take Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment and Miley’s little sister (what’s her name - Noah?) as a package deal. I do agree we might want to “prime the pump” with the former Miss Alaska or whatever she was.

I’d suggest to throw in Silvio Berlusconi. Was it not the case that leaders were sacrificed in case of great calamities? Their names would live on forever, of course.


The only names I can think of held political office, several years ago.

Against Board rules.

I vote for people who cut through parking spaces and nearly hit others in an effort of saving themselves the 30 seconds it’d take to drive down the whole row. The gods would feast!

It’s Eva-lay-vuk. Forget how those stupid Icelanders spell it!

I do consider that proposing other people’s leaders is a bit rude, though. May I propose ZP and Rajoy, along with the current Public Relations officers of their respective parties? That even makes it gender-even!

Either the volcano gods shut the heck up and go have a lie-down, or we get another Krakatoa.

Italian here, remember? I hope I am allowed to offer our own political class for the common good :slight_smile:

How about Tom Cruise. Maybe he could call on Xenu.