The WAH! Make it stop! ...or, Wine, please.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Well, you can’t say you didn’t see this coming. I told you he was a troublemaker.

I’m sure you’ve heard or read that they don’t really know what colic is- I have my own theory that it has something to do with an immature or highly sensitive central nervous system and too much stimulation or a tactile irritant, or something like that. Have you tried keeping it dark and quiet, checking for scratchy tags or itchy materials, things like that?

I, too, would come over and hold that baby for extended periods of time if I lived near you. :frowning: I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

22

Single widowed father, I am VERY familiar with the subject at hand and also want to offer an apology for the statement I just made to those of you who were not aware that I spent an eternity dealing with my daughter at that stage.

23

Urgh… I remember those days with Dweezil - who had 24/7 colic from hell - with less than fondness. Like you I modified my diet, though in hindsight I don’t know that it did much - maybe turned the knob from 11 down to 10.

The only times that child slept were a) when being driven in a car, or b) when actually nursing. Needless to say, I went around a lot with my clothes in disarray, and if we had any errands that required driving, I was right on 'em! (usually the two states didn’t coincide… I think…).

I was truly frightening myself. I didn’t have postpartum depression - but chronic severe sleep deprivation is just as bad.

In utter desperation, I finally Ferberized the poor kid at 12 weeks old. The first night was horrible… he screamed for 90 minutes when I put him down. But then he slept 4 hours (which he’d done before… perhaps twice). And he nursed, and went back to sleep for another 4 hours after only crying for 20 minutes. The second night, he screamed for 45 minutes, slept 4 hours, nursed, and went right back to sleep. Within a week he slept 6 hours and I woke up in a blind panic and ran into his room to make sure he was still alive.

And… his daytime disposition improved. Dramatically so. Naturally, so did mine. He was still cranky sometimes, but I no longer had thoughts like “in insisting on having this child, I’ve ruined THREE lives”.

When he was 4.5 months old, he started home daycare. The daycare lady got him napping within a week.

And all of a sudden, he was actually a pretty happy kid. He was just cranky from being exhausted all the time, and he didn’t know how to sleep!

OK, 'nuff about me.

Earplugs are a great idea.

Meet his genuine needs (wet/hungry/upset tummy/sore ears) and if he keeps crying, save your own sanity by getting away from it even if only for a few minutes.

If you need to get out of the house (and you do!) sans screaming baby - take the 3 year old with you and do something fun with him.

{{{{HUGS}}}}} It will get better, really… but these are dark days in newbornhood when everything seems to be grinding you down and it can be tough to see that.

24

Oh no. I didn’t realize you were home alone all week with both kids. That is awful :frowning: Do you have friends / family nearby who can come over and help?

I remember when Dweezil was about 5 weeks old and I tried to have Typo Knig take him for just an hour or so so I could catch a nap. My husband couldn’t deal with the nonstop screaming either and brought him right back to me. I remember holding the baby and sobbing just as you described above. I sooooo understand how worn-down this gets you (and I didn’t have a toddler to deal with at the same time).

25

No real advice for you, Ruffian, but lots and lots of sympathy here. My little one is two weeks and two days old, and I’m right in the thick of it with you. I’ve got horrible post-partum depression, I can’t stop crying, can’t eat, can barely function. Doctor put me on Lexapro but it could be another week before it really kicks in. I’m so miserable and sleep deprived. And so far mine’s a pretty good baby! But I’m scared to be left alone with him and my two-year-old–I get horrible anxiety attacks whenever my husband has to leave. (Thank god he works from home.)

I can’t imagine how horrible it would be to deal with what you’re going through. But as I keep telling myself, each day you survive is another day you never have to live through again. And it will get better. It will get better.

It will get better.

One day at a time, right?

26

Nobody move! Boy 2.0 is passed out cold on my chest. He fussed a tad after eating, but appears to be OUT. I’ve noticed he seems to protest going down for the night, usually around 7pm-ish, but then once out…is out. Mercifully, MamaZappa, his colic is a daytime event. Once he goes to bed, he sleeps well(ish). He falls asleep around 7pm–usually on either Mommy or Daddy while we watch TV–then wakes to eat around 9-10pm, 1am, and 4am. (Every 3 hours at night, like clockwork, since he was 1 week old.) We usually put him in the crib after the 9-10pm feed, then I bring him back to the bed with us at the 1am feed and nurse him there. We all sleep better that way.

And no, sorry for the confusion–there’s a lot of that around here–but I do not have both boys home with me all week. I think I would lose my freakin’ mind if I had Boy 1.0 here, too. He’s a good kid and still naps well, but the crying makes him excited, and…GAH. No, he’s been in preschool, and went today, too (he has Monday off), so it was just hubby and I passing a crabby Boy 2.0 back and forth all day today. Kiddo does seem better tonight than last night; I am thinking it’s the soymilk I’d had the day before.

BTW, I was seriously facepalming myself over the dairy insensitivity thing. Several folks had recommended cutting out dairy, and I thought…BAH! Not likely. (That, and I’m a serious milk addict.) But then my mom reminded me–I was violently allergic to cow’s milk-based infant formulas as an infant, as in, I projectile vomited with every feed. I had to go on soy. Add that DeathLlama was allergic to milk as a child, and just…gee, genetics much? Derrr.

What has convinced me he has the sensitivity is, since quitting, the “allergy ring” diaper rash went away, and his bowel movements were no longer foamy (ew) and explosive. The screeching colicky behavior faded into normal evening fussiness. Then, when I dared get out of the house for 2 hours last weekend to get my hair colored, hubby accidentally grabbed frozen pumped milk from when I was still on a dairy-infused diet to feed him, and Boy 2.0 woke up screaming in pain that night from gas. Sunday was awkward, Sunday night even more inconsolable gas pain wtih feeds, and Monday was a nightmare. Then it faded, then I had the soy latte, soymilk cereal, glass of soymilk to drink…sigh Poor kid.

Oh, and MamaZappa, I broke down and called my mom today and said sheepishly, “Mom, I need help. I can’t be alone with him all day when he’s like this.” She’s going to come spend a day with me next week. I started crying–“Mom, I can’t go to the store, because he cries the whole time. I can’t go anywhere, because he cries.”

I did manage to go see my mare today. Seriously, there is something about the outside of a horse that is good for the inside of a (wo)man. A psychological full body massage, she is.

Sue White, oh, we are well versed in Harvey Karp’s ways. Swaddling tends to piss Boy 2.0 off, but he loves the shhing. Sucking is tricky, too, as pacifiers often infuriate him, and he (unlike his older brother) doesn’t like to comfort suck at the breast. 10min of nursing, and he wants no more. Being on his side does indeed help, and swinging sometimes does. Sometimes.

Alice the Goon, you did indeed warn me, didn’t you? Oof. Seriously, kid, wasn’t the last trimester of pregnancy rough enough? You had to add a 4th trimester of OH DEAR GOD WHEN WILL THIS BE OVER? sigh And thanks for the desire to help, if the physical impossibility. :slight_smile:

Seriously, everyone, thank you. Just having some sympathetic ears (er, eyes) has done wonders for me today. I’ve done a shit load of crying, but some of the tears came while reading this thread and simply feeling relieved Someone(s) know where I am, what it’s like, and offer their comfort.

Peski, you posted while I was writing this. Congratulations, and hang in there. One day at a time, indeed. I’ve been told each day is one day closer to having this phase over and behind us.

27

:::::tiptoes quietly back into thread::::
Oh dear, whoopsie on the “contaminated” milk!! Don’t throw away that liquid gold yet, though, just label it so it doesn’t get nabbed any time soon. It may happen that 2.0 outgrows the milk sensitivity while the already-frozen stuff is still usable, and if not you can always toss it later.

I remember being on such a restricted diet… no dairy… no tomatoes… no spicy foods… it was genuinely a challenge to get sufficient calories into me as this pretty much ruled out everything we liked to eat. I lived on peanut butter sandwiches for a few weeks (which may have been a bad idea, in hindsight, as Dweezil is allergic to peanuts now).

28

Ruffian - I think you’re doing spectacularly well. I would absolutely lose my mind. Can you do a Mother’s Day Out program at a church? 4 hours for yourself once or twice a week could make a huge difference. Maybe get back on your horse (did you see that I got a new mare a couple weeks ago?). Just time to de-compress.

StG

29

Mama Zappa, I’m not about to toss that dairy-infused liquid gold down the drain, not after reading about infants in Haiti dying from dehydration and starvation as their mothers stopped lactating due to personal stress or trauma. I did a little research and found the Human Milk Banking Association of North America. I am in process of being screened as a donor, and was pleasantly surprised that once I pass (after they get the OK from my OB, pediatrician, and some blood work), I can donate all of that frozen milk to them. It may not go to Haiti; she said they had just sent their first shipment last week or the week before, but hadn’t heard anything about needing more. The fear is that due to lack of infrastructure or proper storage, the milk went to waste. Still, they can use my milk locally for preemies. Ideally, she’d like the dairy-free milk, too, but will take this gladly. So, yay on that front.

And ah yes, peanut butter sandwiches. They are my friend. Rice milk is darn good too, BTW. I just drank a nice glassful.

StGermain, nope, no new mare here. Just the new “colt” who is still mercifully snoozing. My girl is about to turn 22, but don’t tell her. She’s not a day over 12, as far as she’s concerned. I don’t think I’ll get a new horse until my boys are older and off doing their thing, and I have the time it would take to have a new, younger horse. My girl is semi-retired and doesn’t mind it a bit. With the inlaws in town, I’m hoping to get on her tomorrow for just the second time postpartum. I have to brag on her–first time I rode her was last weekend. It was the first time in 6+ months she’d been under saddle, and outside of a few prancy, anxious early moments (“OMG, she’s riding me! What’re we going to DO!”), she was her usual good girl self. A badly out of shape good girl, but hey, she’s in good company there. My muscles sure know what to do, but WOW they just weren’t there when called upon to do it. I forgot how painful the posting trot ca be!

Well, Boy 2.0 is stirring, so it’s time for diaper change, PJs, a good meal on mommy, and :::crossing fingers::: bedtime. Goodnight, all, and thank you for your part in helping me through the day. :slight_smile:

30

You might want a twin stroller so Dad can take both kids out. Worked wonders for my twins. Audrey would always sleep in the stroller, Serena maybe maybe not. Either way, I’d have the two out of the house for 1-2 hours to give everyone else peace. They wouldn’t cry in the stroller. Also, every stroller I’ve ever owned had a Daddy’s helper drink holder for a can or 6 of beer. :slight_smile:

Not trying to jinx you, but my youngest twin at 5 still wakes up wide awake can’t go back to sleep 1-4 times per week. it’s getting a little old. I’ll run her through all the tests possible once we move back to the US.

31

You hang in there too, PeskiPiksi!

32

Listen, maybe? I wonder, is there any kind of “telephone of hope”-like service in your area that you can call when you’re wondering whether you should open your veins lengthwise or diagonally? I know there doesn’t seem to be a service by that name in English, it’s the translation of the name of a Spanish NGO, but I think the name says clearly what kind of service I’m thinking of. They’re free phone numbers you can call when you need someone to talk to; some services offer IM as well.

Re. getting out of the house, do you at least have a yard, or live in the kind of place where you can take a walk around the block? Having contact with someone over age 3 months is important, but getting outside air and some sunshine is too and you can do that if you can just leave the building itself.

33

Thank you OP for reminding me that my baby-having time is over, and I’m actually happy about that. This thread and ones like it are birth control.

On the one hand, everybody knows that newborns cry, sometimes for no reason. There’s a reason that the stereotypical new parent is shown to be haggard and sleepless. Yadda yadda yadda.

But on the other hand, there could be something wrong with him. Do they seem to be cries of pain? Someone once told me that if your baby just cries and cries and cries for seemingly no reason, that you should take him to the hospital or doctor’s office and tell them that you’re going to stay there with him until they find out what’s wrong.

You would think that at 8 weeks he’d be slowing down on the crying for no reason, dontcha?

34

Just a drive-by to recommend Harvey Karp’s “Happiest Toddler on the Block”. If you don’t already have the magic wrap technique + the ear shushhing + the specific rocking stance, it might help.

Good luck to you! BTDT w/twins, heh, and have the wrinkles to show for it.

And yes, WINE is definitely called for.

35

Hang in there, Ruffian! (And you, too, Peskipiksi! This is one of the unloveliest stages of parenthood, but the good news is that it does most definitely come to an end, and then it’s over forever. Be good to yourself and be kind to yourself – you’re doing magnificently in soul-wrenching circumstances! There’s a reason sleep deprivation is a classic brainwashing technique; it works. When you’re frazzled and draggy and desperate with lack of sleep, PLUS you’ve got constant wailing throwing your remaining harried nerves into fits, it’s no wonder you feel ripped apart. Do whatever you need to do to get away for a predictable amount of time every day for both of your sakes, sleep every possible moment, and don’t expend one iota of energy doing anything at all that isn’t immediately important to do. Right now, the goal is to endure and wait this stage out. You’ll make it!! You’re doing great!!

36

My parents would do this with me, and we did it with our kids. They’d sleep in the car seat. Then we’d pull over and read (or nap).

37

Thanks again, Dopers. Nava, we do have a nice backyard and neighborhood, so sometimes I do go outside just for the fresh air. When Boy 2.0 is wound up, I’ll strap him in the Baby Bjorn and go for a walk.

Alice the Goon, we know his cries actually had reason–painful gas and other general discomfort. It seemed like he was in pain, and that made it even more maddening–why is he in pain? It seemed to be related to gas and abdominal discomfort. Eliminating dairy has made that significantly better, but the two "Whoopsie!"s from the week made for an exhausting couple of days.

fessie, Harvey Karp and his ways were mentioned earlier in the thread. I described Boy 2.0’s likes and dislikes of the five S’s…shhing is his favorite; swaddling, notsomuch. BTDT w/twins? AUGH. You’d be locking me up after that one. I tip my hat to you.

shantih, yes, sleep deprivation is just plain evil. I know I should do only what’s absolutely necessary, but it’s so hard when there is company coming over, the kitchen is full of dirty dishes, and Boy 1.0 has scattered his shoes, socks, crumbs, and Kleenex all throughout the house (not to mention his toys). I know that wears me out, but letting the house fall into chaos just depresses me more.

Boy 2.0 settled down Saturday or so (Friday was significantly better). I had the soy overload on Wednesday, so it makes sense that things calmed down after a few days. The in laws came over and mercifully gave us a few hours to bolt from the house on Sunday–hubby and I actually got to have a Valentine’s Day! We walked around a lovely downtown area, got chocolates, and a nice dinner before going on a pleasant drive. I didn’t think we were even going to be able to acknowledge V-Day; I was so very grateful. And for the first time in 12 years together, I had nothing, nothing, to give hubby. I hadn’t been able to get out of the house to even buy a card. :frowning: He understood and thought nothing of it, but it bothers me still. If Boy 2.0 remains more settled, I’ll make something for him today.

Boy 2.0 had his 2-month check up yesterday. He’s a strapping 12lbs 14oz (he was 7lbs 5oz at birth) and overall in excellent health. He also had his first round of shots. sigh

I was braced for The Worst. Boy 1.0 went to his 2-month appointment all smiles and showing off his mood (Boy 2.0 is much more guarded when it comes to sharing his smile–he smiles, but it’s much less frequent than his brother at this age), then began shrieking after the first shot and fell into complete hysterics with the second. I opted to skip the third shot, and he screamed, whimpered, and sobbed on and off the rest of the day. Knowing non-colicky brother was like that, I was braced for a nightmare unfolding with Boy 2.0.

He shocked me. He whined and complained about the exam, then certainly showed off his I AM REALLY PISSED ABOUT THIS! face when he got the shots, but stunningly, he turned it off almost as fast as he turned it on. Whereas his older brother was too upset to comfort nurse after (he’d latch, pull off, sob, whimper, repeat), Boy 2.0 quieted and latched right on for a good meal before falling soundly asleep. He then slept almost the entire day, minus a few wake up moments to eat and lament the car seat when we drove him home. Seriously–he slept from about 10am to nearly 3pm…it got to where I called the doctor to make sure this wasn’t a weird reaction to the vaccinations. Nope; sometimes they’re just exhausted from the ordeal, they said. Nice.

I’m home with him today, but hoping things will be smoother now that dairy and soy aren’t going to mess him up. I’m concerned about vaccine reactions (his brother was irritable and had interrupted sleep for about 2-3 days after his first round of shots), so I preemptively gave him a dose of infant Tylenol. So far, so good. sigh

38

How about some pics of the offender?

Closest I’ve gotten to getting his smile on camera–it’s so hard to time!

WAH!

Hey look, he’s all quiet and cute and stuff.

The look on his face here kills me: Mr Grumpygills is grumpy.

39

Squeeeeeeee!! What a major cutie! He looks like there’s a lot going on behind those baby blues, too.

40

So cute! He does look very intelligent!