The walls are closing in..

I really hate this feeling. The feeling that the walls are closing in on you, the world is just ignoring you except as another pair of hands to serve coffee. My life has faded to 4 parts. School, Library, Home and Work.

Two days ago I flipped out. I need to get out and do something different. Thing is when I have spare money I can’t go out. By the time I can go out my money is spent because I got munchies. I budget… just not that well apparently.

I’m going to the doctor today. I have so many signs of depression… I’ve had it before I know what it’s like. I’ve barely eaten and slept in a month. My life is one small loop, like a noose around my neck. The last time I felt even remotely better was when I forced my roomie to take me with him when he went driving around. I can’t drive and have no vehicle so I’m stuck to the bus routes. The same old bus routes that never change (or do once in a blue moon)

Edmonton bus routes suck. At least in Calgary I could just hop a train and find myself somewhere new. Here the trains run one steady track, if I sit on a bus for too long I get the weirdest looks and questions.

I’ve taken cabin fever to a new level. This cold weather and just life in general has gotten to me. Working graveyard shifts doesn’t help either. What am I supposed to do when I’m awake while the world sleeps or is busy working and I’m working or sleeping while the world plays?

Gah! tears at her hair and heads off to the docs to tell this to them

Get to the doctor. And maybe relocate to a sunnier place. Florida is Canadian friendly. Hope you feel better soon.

I wish I could relocate somewhere sunnier. But right now I’m just a 20 year old snot nosed brat who hasn’t been on her own for a full year yet. I also keep running into snags of course.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I was still living with Mom but that is no longer an option. She lives in another city, and I have no connections whatsoever there anymore. With how I am right now I don’t think it would be a good idea to just dump myself in new, yet familiar, surroundings. I wouldn’t have to worry about bills and stuff so much… but I’d just be stuck in my hermit shell yet again.

Oh, and as the docs should be open by now I’m gonna go get cleaned up and dressed again and go very shortly.

Too bad you’re not here in Central Texas, it’s frickin’ gorgeous out today. >>Mentally channeling sunny warm weather to Canada<<

Hmm, I don’t think the channeling’s working. Maybe you should try a new hobby, or at least get a new magazine subscription.

Damn hamster ate my 1st post.

Anyway, Like I was saying…

I, too suffer from the winter blues. But., I’ve found a few things to help combat them:

  1. Artificial Sunlight. Get yourself some grow bulbs. I reccomend the incadescent ones that fit in regular lamps, but the flourescent “sun” bulbs, (not the green/purple grow bulbs) work as well. The more, the better.

2.Get some plants. They’ll freshen the air in your apartment, and I always find that having something growing lifts my spirits. And theyy’'ll love the grow bulbs.

3.Vitamins. A regular supplement with vitamin D and lots of B-comlex vitamins. They keep your immune system up and help fight the blahs. Buy generics, they work just as well and are cheaper.

  1. Get some exercise, any exercise. If nothing else, take the bus to the mall and walk laps.

  2. If all else fails, try St. John’s Wort. I’ve found it stave off or shorten my bouts with depression.
    Good luck, and stay happy.


Back from the doc’s… she gave me time off and work agreed (which makes me happy because I am under my 3 month probation as of yet)… prescribed me paxil… I have to go back in two weeks see how it’s taking.

For now I can just relax, get out for some walks in our warming weather (it’s not as cold as it was) and my only worry will be finding the extra $100 to pay the rent. The rest of my paycheck should cover most of my share. I’ll worry about that later though.

breathes and lets stress slip away

Oh btw I do have a plant. I am notorious for killing them but Silent Bob (so dubbed by my stoner pals) has survived rather well. Heck I’ve killed cacti!* I also usually do get lots of exercise. Walking part of the way to and from work, walking around downtown and the school and such. I avoid elevators and escalators. I also have vitamins (B-12 to be exact… I’ve found that one to be helpful… something with my family has a slight deficiency in that on top of the Thallasemia).

I’ll manage I just need to get my footing back is all. This will help.

[sub]*That wasn’t really my fault. I was told by the person I bought it from to water him weekly. Determined to make sure he lived… well I watered him weekly and he died from too much water. I can’t win for losing with plants. :frowning: [/sub]