The way my life is going... rather rambling

The BBQ Pit
1

Ok… So I’m trying to get into grad school.

My one best shot at getting in has tanked. I got an interview, got waitlisted then got rejected.

I’m waiting on my LAST application to get rejected as I type this.

And to top matters off I just got done with a long conversation with my coworker and realized for a change he was right.

I botched the interview and probably irritated my boss.

The problem is: I’m a VERY private and fairly quite person in real life. That’s not to say I’m not periodically very very wierd and irrational but it’s about random mundane stuff. I don’t share things about myself unless directly asked or unless it’s to very close friends.

I was going to speak to my boss before I went off to my interview, I THOUGHT I did. He offered some advice, but as I found out 3rd hand we didn’t have the talk he was thinking we were going to have. My working relationship has been kinda like that a series of miscommunications and a sense of obligation I don’t feel like I can fill. Throw into the mix that I’ve been totally exhausted for 9 months now and accomplish much less at work than I was previously I’ve been doing my best to avoid him.

Now, as life stands… I don’t know what the flying fuck I’ll be doing in around 3 or 4 months. I’m terrified of the off chance that I end up continuing to work for my boss.

What I need to do, is pull my shit together, get more productive and tie up every loose end I’m working on. I need to re-establish contact with the few professors I already have a slight relationship, I need to get a network of contacts up and running.

I need to change my personality type if I’m ever ing to survive in this field. I need to be able to point out my accomplishments, state in a socially acceptable way that I’m super uber at what I do and not what I do now.

See right now, I full address my shortcommings and have no end in faith of my abilities but I don’t mention any of my abilities… because that would be rude.

I’m still stuck wondering if I really want to enter grad school and spend the next 5 years earning even less money than I am now… Do I want to be stuck in a situation where I’m constantly forced to justify my work and proving to everyone, not with my actions, but with my arguement that I’m the best goddamn thing to come along so I can still get grant money?

Goddamnit! I’m not like that. Yeah, I’m good at what I do… I’m doing this because it interests me, I don’t give a flying fuck if anyone takes notice or says good work Colin. I’m wondering if this attitude is an offshoot of some insecurties I have with interpersonal relationships.

FUCK.

I’m 23… out of college, I enjoy science and I love virology. I’d love to be able to keep doing the sort of work I’m doing here, each project I do reveals something totally new that I’ve never heard about or read about.

I need to email a professor I worked closely with for a year, tell him about what’s happening with my applications. I keep putting it off because… well I’m at an unknown position. I haven’t been keeping up with him to the level I’d consider him a regular correspondant, yet I’m sharing information about myself with him. Yes I know he’d be interested in hearing from me, I just feel ackward about sending the email.

Fuck it… time to sack up.

The emails go out… I’m going to get as much shit done today as I can and then I’ll try to get the rest of my fucking life together.

2

Been there, bought the tshirt. Actually, I’m there right now, buying the tshirt.

I wish I had some good advice to give you. Get your shit together, and email these people. Don’t be afraid to brag about your accomplishments. I’ve some of your posts, and you’re a smart guy, well spoken, very classy.

Maybe speak to your boss, tell him everything you told us. Or even email or write him a letter? I think if you came clean and spoke to him about this, you’d be in a better position.

Anyways, my $0.02. :slight_smile:

Good luck!

3

The thing is… I’m not sure I’m willing to change my personality type and start bragging about my accomplishment…

Anyhoo thanks!

Time to get some work done!

4

I know, it sucks having to act like that (I can sympathize completely), but you really have to. If you’re not willing to stand up for yourself and say “Hey, I’m a smart guy and I can do this and that”, then who will? Modesty is a good thing, but for interviews you have to promote who you are in a very short period of time. Don’t think of it as bragging, think of it as advertising. :slight_smile:

5

CRorex, you need to go to grad school in order to keep doing interesting work in the field you so obviously enjoy. Plus, grad school is a lot of fun, in part because you get to do research without having to apply for grants and get funding – that’s your advisor’s job.

In order to get into grad school, you’re going to have to do some annoying tasks. This includes talking about what you’ve done in direct, non-modest terms. This is not the same thing as bragging. You’re not at a cocktail party. Talking about the research you’ve done is not going to make someone else feel bad, because you’re so much smarter than them.

Don’t worry about selling yourself. Just focus on discussing what you’ve done, and why it is exciting and interesting. People will want you because you are excited about the field you’re in, and you can recognize and discuss interesting problems. Stick to the facts – you don’t want to brag, and you don’t want to be self-deprecating. Focus on things you’re enthusiastic about, and you’ll do great.

You don’t have to be a different person, you just have to let yourself talk about science differently than you talk about yourself. Don’t get discouraged – getting into grad school sucks, and can be demoralizing. Let them see how much you love what you do, and you’ll be in high demand.

6

Exactly, as Giraffe said, it’s not about bragging so much as being proud of your acomplishments. You don’t have to totally change your personality. You just have to get yourself out there, and do it. And you can do it, you’re a smart guy. Maybe you could practice on people here?

So…what kick ass things have you done wrt work? :slight_smile:

Drop me a line if you need someone to talk to. :slight_smile:

7

Ok update:

I’m doing great right about now!

I spoke with my boss for a while. I have a clear plan of action for getting into graduate school – 1 more year of being a lab tech while I take 2 or 3 graduate level courses (it depends on how things work out job wise) see if I have to retake the GRE. This will get me more experience in my field, prove that I can handle the graduate level courses and will give me fresh GRE scores.

I’ve accomplished a CRAP load of stuff today.

The emails to the professors I’ve been keeping in slight touch when were sent out.

All in all, LIFE IS GOOD!

There is one good thing about where I am in my career.

I have enough eduation to be qualified for entry level tech jobs.

I’m not experienced enough to be anything but DIRT cheap and every PI likes CHEAP experienced labor.

To the rest of you non science people I’m the equivelant of a fry cook who worked at McD’s for 6 months and is applying to Wendy’s. I’m better than someone brand spanking new – I don’t need much training and I don’t cost much more.

WHOOHOOO I get paid crap!

The ironic thing is I’m feeling about 5000% better about myself right now. Which is what usually happens when I’m dealing with stress/depression about stuff I can actually change. (Yeah I’m still in San Antonio and lonely but eh, who cares I have goals and I have 100% control over my life!)

8

Oh, the ironic thing is being happy about getting paid crap :stuck_out_tongue:

Finds religion I go up a pay grade with 2 years of experience. It’s the difference between getting paid crap and getting paid crap with a cherry on top.

Sure it’s a shit covered cherry, but a cherry none the less!

9

I would say, don’t even think of changing your personality type. You are engaging and can hold a conversation. What you need to get used to is talking about what you do to the people that can influence your future.

You love parts of what you do and when you talk about it, it shows. I agree with the suggestion to practice here. And not here exactly but maybe with some peers or dopers in your area. You need to get used to saying certain things outloud: “I have successfully completed x and was published in y and am very good at z”

Keep us posted.

10

Hehe :slight_smile: thanks Stephi, and Giraffe both of you helped improve my mood.

One of my problems is… I have one HELL of an ego which I try to keep TOTALLY submerged. Ego getting involved in many aspects of my life = unpleasent things (mainly when I say things without thinking about them).

The best way I’ve found to limit how much of a pompous asshole I sound like is to realize: what I do largely doesn’t matter in the scheme of things. Someone will sooner or later come around and do exactly what I did only better.

Life has been 100% better since I got mr.ego in check. Yeah it causes some problems … I don’t sell myself well … and I believe I’m created some issues I have with non platonic relationships but by and large it’s helped.

11

Yup I agree totally.

I have the tendancy to say, “I have some experience doing x and z. I’m experienced doing y and q.”

Which in reality means:

I did x and z in college… I didn’t go to class when it was discussed and I forgot the protocol on how to do it in my dorm room… I did it maybe 4 times, the first time I screwed it up the other 3 were perfect.

As for y and q: I roxx0r them. Not only do I roxx0r them, I roxx0r3|) their boxx0r5.* – to paraphrase Inktank’s Agnst Technology from about 14 months ago I believe.

IE not only do I do these protocols in my sleep, I modify them on the fly depending on the interim results and I’ve cut the time needed for the protocols by 15-25% or more. Like PBMC preps. They used to take me 4-5 hrs. They now take me 2. This includes lunch and nap time in the middle.
*I rock them… not only do I rock them, I rock their boxers. I think this means I kick their ass so much I remove their underwear… I’m not sure why this is good.

12

Happy to help. :slight_smile:

I don’t really see a huge ego, I see someone who kicks ass at what they do, and they love doing it! And that’s a good thing! This is what you need to get across to people.

I think you need to just tell people “I rock at x and y! I can do y so much, it’ll make your head spin!” This is not a normal situation, this is an interview to get into grad school. It’s not like you’re talking to friends or family.

Anyways, good luck! I hope you are successful! If you want to, drop me line, I’d be happy to listen! :smiley: