Thank you for eventually showing up to the meeting you scheduled, rescheduled, and then rescheduled again. Arriving forty-five minutes late is absolutely acceptable and not at all rude. You were definitely within your rights to get huffy and offended when I informed you that I could only offer you ten minutes of my time. Your day is more important than mine, and also far more important than the rest of the people I had scheduled meetings with.
I would also like to thank you for bringing your delightful toddler with you. Even though there is a large park just down the street, I understand that it was absolutely imperative that both of you attend this meeting and taking your son to play there was not an option. And babysitters are just so expensive, I imagine! I know the rest of my coworkers enjoyed his presence as well, as he ran back and forth around the office, touching things with sticky hands and slamming chairs into each other. That makes such an interesting noise, as we all discovered as he did it again and again and again without a single comment from either of you. Good for you on giving him the freedom and confidence to explore on his own! “Boundaries” is really just another word for “stifling creativity.”
But the true moment of joy during our meeting – and the reason I’m writing you this letter today – was when I walked back into the conference room after leaving for a moment to find you changing your little boy’s diaper on the table. The bathroom down the hall is quite a long walk and is far too private for that sort of thing. I completely understand your annoyance with me when I suggested your actions were inappropriate and that the time had come for you to leave. Once again, I realize this was my own fault. I need to work on my conservative attitudes regarding perfectly natural bodily functions.
I am certain your application will be well received, as I’ve already had a conversation with your intended department about you. I hope we will meet again soon. Next time, please bring any neighborhood children and pets, along with your little darling. The more the merrier!
Good Lord. Are people really that clueless and stupid?
Said couple can drain the resources and patience of another institution. Don’t send them our way, please.
While I’m at it…
Dear Important Creative Professor,
I enjoyed the event for new faculty recently. What I did not enjoy was your child running through the event, where most of us had plates and drinks, each time narrowly avoiding spilling or dropping our food on your offspring. I also did not enjoy your kid climbing over me to sit next to your advisee. I also had to explain to your offspring that I was not going to share my gift with him, much to his chagrin. While your kid is cute and can do no wrong in your eyes, in reality, the kid is a little annoying to be around, and you really should establish some boundaries. Like “use your indoor voice” and “keep your hands to yourself.” And of course, if that’s stifling you, might I suggest either a) staying home or b) hiring a babysitter?
It’s a chemical that’s released in the brain: dumbdorphin, that’s triggered by the birthing process - and in both parents. They’re so overwhemed and overjoyed, they just turn stupid, and assume that their baby is the whole damn world’s baby.
My husband and I were dumbfounded one day when we saw some parents changing their baby’s diaper on a cafeteria table at our local zoo. Do people really need to be taught that bathroom functions and eating tables don’t mix? (Rhetorical question, of course.) Not to mention how appetizing it is to be eating your lunch next to someone having a bathroom break (yes, there were people eating around them). And I will never, ever understand the thought process that allows people to just leave their dirty diapers wherever they take them off the kid. I can intellectually understand it (“this takes no effort; I’ll just leave it here”), but I’ll never get it.
Those people are draining away time and resources for those of us who actually take our professional responsibilities seriously. Fuck 'em with a wooden spoon.
(raises hand) When I was a McDonald’s employee, some woman changed her baby right there at the cash register counter…during lunch rush. The mind truly boggles.
And the truly bizarre thing about that is the zoo has a bathroom every time you turn around, and every single one of them has changing facilities, men’s included.
I think those people, if they consider others at all, figure that if there’s no poo directly touching the table, then it can’t possibly be dirty or disgusting.
But they probably don’t. Consider others at all, I mean. I’m fascinated by that McDonalds story, though. I mean, obviously this person hadn’t picked up HER food yet. Did she mind letting her tray touch that surface? If she didn’t, it might be a point in favor of my speculation above.
No one stops these people and tells them to take the kid into the bathroom? Is everyone hoping someone else will say it? We all need to take the reins and speak up, or this disgusting behavior will only get worse!
To the OP - kudos - you handled that very professionally and didn’t lose your cool. You must have had a very interesting conversation with their intended department.
Me, well, that’s why I left the corporate world and haven’t looked back. I can’t work in an environment where I can’t be outspoken. Friends tell me I was born without an internal censorship chip. I tend to say what everyone else is thinking!
This couple obviously does not have enough stress in their lives if they are considering adding grad school to the mix. Perhaps they would prefer a pet. Something in a wolverine, perhaps?
I’m gonna bet that the McChecker wasn’t going to tell the dumbass to get to the bathroom, because they’d get fired for offending the customer. Had they told the ill bred cretin to do so, it’s also a safe bet that under some dank rock, there is a life form whose name is followed by Esq. who would accuse the McChecker and parent company of a litany of misdeeds resulting in irreparable harm upon the person of Ms. Self Centered, and a dozen slack-jawed mouth breathers would nod, “Unh-huh.”
To the OP, that is why defenestration was invented.
BROTHER! Or is it sister? Welcome to the Dope Training has given me somewhat of a filter, but I definitely prefer places where I’m not expected to use it.
Adds ‘never seen someone change a diaper in the middle of a public place with a bathroom yards away’ to her list of ‘stuff I’m glad hasn’t happened to me’ Guess those people think their baby’s navel truly is the Navel of the World.
I’m always thankful that I work in an environment where my boss trusts my judgment in how to deal with people. He leaves these situations to me to handle, whatever way I see fit.
Probably so he doesn’t have to deal with diapers and other irritants!
A friend once told me that they saw a couple changing a diaper on the table at a fancy restaurant. A restaurant where my husband and I spent $130 for a meal and one drink each. I wouldn’t do that at McDonalds!
It isn’t the navel I’d have a problem with. It’s the shit-covered ass and hoo-hah that I wouldn’t want to see while I’m eating my chicken carbonarra.
My son has a skin issue, and if we don’t change him IMMEDIATELY, he turns purple!
Will that work?
Please.
One of the most embarrassing moments of my life was when my son pooped out of his diaper in his carseat on a plane last month, and I had to change him and get him cleaned up in a tiny little airplane bathroom without any kind of changing table. And then we had to clean his carseat. On the plane.
It was disgusting. And I felt terrible for the people around us who had to smell it. Luckily, we had very kind folks sitting around us and very kind flight attendants (I cleaned up the bathroom as best I could, and the flight attendant finished the job for me - I was very, very grateful to her.).
To change one of his poop bombs in public on PURPOSE? Umm…no. It’s much easier to have a changing table where I can strap his little restless butt down.
Training has given me somewhat of a filter, but I definitely prefer places where I’m not expected to use it.