In this thread I introduced you to “Moe.” Moe is a woman in her 30s(?). She is making us crazy. She is a nice person, she seems to have a sunny disposition and is firendly, but she’s bugshit weird!!!
Not “charmingly” weird, but “what-in-Og’s-name-is-the-matter-with-you” weird. Note the following:
She spews bizarre non-sequiters that come out of the blue and confound us.
Example:
Moe walks to the other side of the office, stands next to Co-worker, who she barely knows… Stands there… Stands there… Stands there…
Co-worker: “Um,… Moe, is there something I can do for you?”
Moe: “I like raw fish!”
walks away
She sometimes can be seen sleeping soundly at her desk for oh, half an hour to an hour at a time.
Eats incessantly. Okay, now I don’t mean “nibbling” on chips, or carrot sticks, or similar snacking throughout the day. I mean she comes out of the kitchen with two bowls of some gruel-like stuff and will go back for seconds, thirds, or more, unless she is nibbling on other stuff (see “beans” below). This in itself would not be so exasperating except for the following:[list=a]
[li]She has the table manners of a barnyard animal - All co-workers with offices must close their doors so has not to hear slurping, lip smacking, and the “CLANG-CLANG-CLANG” as she scrapes every last bit of goo off the plate with a thundering swipe of her spoon. She can empty out the lunchroom in seconds because she grosses everyone out.[/li][li]She does not clean up after herself – Spill a glass of milk on the counter? She’ll walk away and it will sit and go sour. The inside of the microwave? Coated in gruel-like goo that looks like cat puke. Does not wipe it up, won’t cover her food (see “cancer” below).[/li][li]She occasionally nibbles on somewhat unusual food (not a crime in itself), like wasabi beans, that causes her to gas people out of their offices! I kid you not. All co-workers with offices must close their doors, and a couple who share the open space had to be moved to computer desks at the other end of the hall one day.[/li][/list=a]
She is obsessed with the “Toxin du Jour”. No, not the debunking site by Snopes, but rather she believes each and every myth that Snopes has debunked. When directed to legit sources (like the FDA or Health Canada or even Snopes) she blinks blankly, and says “oh, they don’t know it will kill you/give you cancer/make your gums bleed” and continues to “protect herself” despite ridiculous or annoying consequences.
The more annoying ones:
[list=a]
[li]Her SARS obsession. Whilst most Torontonians just washed their hands a bit more diligently, she wore a mask to work. One that was an inch thick and covered almost all of her face so she couldn’t see over it and bumped into furniture and other co-workers. :mad: Since only those who were sick, or exposed to Sars, or in quarantine were told to wear masks, it frightened visitors to the office who thought she was breaking quarantine.[/li][li]Her SARS obsession included a “death watch” of sorts. Every half hour she called all of her friends, one by one, to see if anyone showed symptoms. Their chances of even coming close to someone who may have been exposed were slim to none, but she made her calls regularly. All co-workers with offices close their doors out of annoyance.[/li][li]She kept interrupting other people to say “Did you hear? Another man has died in Hong Kong. A doctor there says you can get it from your cat/dog/moose/llama.”[/li][li]As mentioned above, she never cleans up her messes, but despite repeated pleas and warnings she will not cover her food with the fancy plastic cover the other office staff bought specifically to control her mess. She insists it will give her cancer.[/list=a] [/li]She hums all day long (she can do it while chewing the food she eats all day). No, not that absent-minded singing along to earphones. Nope. A tuneless, monotone “hmmmmmmmmmmmm…” All co-workers with offices close their doors out of annoyance.
Occasinally wears a wedding dress to work. Yes, that’s right. A wedding dress.
I’m going to yell at her. I don’t want to, I won’t mean to, but I can feel it like a time bomb tick, tick, tick
One of my co-wokers has already snapped: “That freak! She’s a freak! A freak, I tell you!!! A freeeeeeeak!”
I’m afraid I’ll be next. I’m afraid I’ll lose it and she’ll cry. She is friendly, tries to get along, frightens small children and makes them cry, and is always smiling.
I’m afraid I’ll blow a gasket 'cause she’s too weird for me too handle.
Help me.
.