What does it get me?
It’s really embarrassing to have people notice that you’re crying in your car while driving home… don’t you find? I think I’d rather have someone snicker if they catch me singing to the radio as they race on by.
Why isn’t it enough for words to soothe me right now? What is it that I need?
"It’s really embarrassing to have people notice that you’re crying in your car while driving home… "
What about picking your nose, now that is embarassing. I’m just saying.
This was a snark-free, smartass-free zone.
Was.
I’m exactly there. Hurting in your heart is the worst thing ever.
I’ve been crying in my car on the way home for some time. ‘Some time’ has now been 7 years and change. Not too much fun, I know: I have lots of practice.
Email me if you want to talk.
~S
A shrink might help you find out what’s missing in your life. It’s not unusual to be blue sometimes, but if it’s turned into a regular thing, like Sami’s situation, it’s time to take a look at why you’re so unhappy. It may be chemical.
What does this have to do with being a “people pleaser?”
I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m crying in my car more than usual, too. There is something about that space…you’re finally alone, you feel invisible, you have some semblance of control, it’s private…and you just let down your guard, forgetting completely that you are in a glass box surrounded by strangers who can see you.
My backseat is full of wadded-up Kleenex.
I’m never found a good way to mime “I’m not really crying, it’s allergies”, have you?
Because when your self-worth is inexorably tied to your ability to please other people, whether that is accomplished by being good at your job, or making them happy and at ease around you, and you fail, you hurt down to your very heart. If you’ve screwed up badly enough, you wonder why you are alive.
Some people go through life knowing to their core that if they can’t make the people around them happy, then they are not worth the air they breathe.
I can only reiterate what Kung Fu Lola said here. I’m in the exact same boat- everyone else needs to be pleased, and I tend to base my own hapiness, or lack thereof, on this.
All I can say is, it’s a problem I can sympathize with, Sanguine Spider, and I offer someone to talk to about it (email me) and a hug. (((spidey)))
I just want to echo what ** kung fu lola and ArrMatey** said and offer another email me, also {{{Sanguine Spider}}}
I don’t have a car yet sighs but I know where you are coming from.
(((((SanguineSpider)))))) The Dopers are always here to help.
breaks open new tissue box
While I’m not sure of the reason for hurting, or if it is a general thing or due to some particular incident…I will say that the “ability” to feel hurt is what may also be related to our ability to love, and to empathise.
Imagine if you weren’t capable of hurting (there are some people who are much more immune to hurt than others of us)…that would signal a limited ability to relate to others.
If you are hurting a lot and in general, please consider getting professional help, as you might be suffering from some biochemical imbalance (as were my two sons). If it is a hurt caused by a paricular event, and you can’t wait for time to heal it, get help from clergy, counselor, etc.
Best wishes.
And hugs,
*Empty eyes,
I was lonely at that hour of the day,
the sun drooping low
and hung with the bitter orange.
Twilight perched,
were you lonely, too?
Did my telegraph of pain find you?
Beyond the happy teeming, I withdrew
the radio, soft melody trying to soothe
but I wept anyway.
I love that color, that hour…
They always bring me
yearning.
They always find me wanting.
I thought about you then,
as my cola went flat and my food went stale.
Family hour, that time of day, isn’t it?
I sat in the car dreaming sad dreams,
not eating while grieving,
staying away.
I wasn’t strong enough to show you
how broken I am,
how flawed inside, what I seem to hide.
But somehow, you know.
I let the sun go then and life move on,
and managed to hold back some tears
for tomorrow
when the sky with its color, time with its hour
waits for my sorrow.
My empty eyes… *
*I ran through the daisies
I tripped on the stone
I cut out my heart
and I was alone…
The bluebird sang sad songs
of a troubled world
and when I bled deep
the rivers unfurled…
Walk me far down the road
and open the gate
now, watch the stars fall
despair is my Fate…*
Oh, Sangy… man troubles? Problems at work? With your daughter? Fell on black days?
Whatever it is, I hope it gets better for you.
ummm not sure if this helps, but it works for me
Crying in the shower.
If your eyes are red… you got soap in them.
A soundless place to let the tears flow.
But yeah the car is pretty good too.
I scream in the car, cry in the shower.
(But only scream if Im alone in the car)
Sorry you are hurting, I dont know you but I’ve liked what you post.
Man troubles=I can’t get enough time with my hunnybunny due to work schedules. We miss each other terribly.
Work problems=I babysit AND clean their house. The house is cleaner than ever before and I do NOT get paid extra. And I get nitpicking on everything but they never tell me beforehand. I’m too nice. I take pride in my stupid “job” and make sure I do the cleaning. Does it get me anything? No…
My daughter=it’s not fuckin’ fair that she’s autistic!!! Some people beat their kids or completely ignore them. She deserves a better chance at life, God damn it! Wasn’t her father abusing her at two months old quite enough? Fuck you, God.
These things are daily dealings though, I’d just like some appreciation… I guess. I have needs, too. Doesn’t anyone really care that my needs are met? My mother is a total bitch… gotta throw that in, as well. Petty, spoiled five year olds take lessons from my mom.
Is this why my dream life is so full of adventure and excitement? I dreamt I was Lara Croft’s spy buddy and we kicked serious badguy ass. I had all the spy gadgets, I knew all these cool spy tricks, and I wore the same cool gear. We were trying to save the world or something equally important. Damn, it was a cool dream!
I’m insane, I know. I’ll commit myself Tuesday when the holiday’s over.
Ah yes… the ol’ “I take care of everyone and nobody ever takes care of me. Not only do they not take care of me, it seems like they do everything in their power to make life even harder for me!” feeling. I am all too familiar with it.
You just gotta MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. It’s very important. If your daughter is disabled, avail yourself of respite (free babysitting). Tell your mom to take a hike and hang out with emotionally healthy people. Make dates with your man a priority.
A lot of people put their kids and everyone else first, and become miserable. My feeling is, if I’m not happy, then the people that depend on me aren’t going to be happy. So I try to make sure that my own needs are met, including time for myself. It just makes me a happier, more productive person all around.
It’s not easy, and I’m empathizing with you. Hope it gets easier for you.
{{{{Sanguine Spider}}}}}
I, too, am going through a hurting in my heart, crying in my car stage. I’m so sorry you are feeling that way, too.
I’ve been trying to find a respite person for over a year. In my area, able to come to my house, and trustworthy = HARD as fuck to find. I finally have a habilitation lady working with my angel and she can’t take on any extra hours (darn it all). She’s a sweet lady and she loves working with my kiddo. Kiddo likes the lady so all is well there. I just need a break sometimes. Personally, I don’t enjoy the babysitting I do for my friends but it’s a bit o’ cash in hand. The boy has issues and I try to be nice but after a day of him screaming in my ear and throwing fits over the smallest things, I get weary of it. I’ve got my own kiddo to work with and help.
With a respite person, a hab person, and preschool, I could possibly go back to school and my mother wouldn’t even have to do anything for her granddaughter (I mean Good God, how dare I ask her for help, sheesh). I would love to move out, even if it was into a crappy apartment. It would be mine.
Recently, my grandmother gave me her old car and it’s got ac so I’m not dying in the heat. I love my grandma so much, she’s always been on my side. I’m her favorite grandchild and I’m the one who visits her the most. I always make sure she’s okay and call her every week. She has been getting forgetful lately and her health is declining. I don’t want her to go and it sucks to realize she’s getting older. She calls me by my cousin’s name sometimes but I let it slide because she’s MY grandma.
I need to make a trip out to see her very soon. Pray the ol’ car makes it to Mesa!
I have a GREAT respite provider- she’s been with us for 4 years now. She has him Monday nights until 10:00, then Saturday night from 7 to 7. It’s great- it gives me a nice break and gives him another person who loves him and thinks he’s wonderful. I don’t know where you live, but if it’s anywhere near Tucson I’d be happy to refer you to her. (But I think you live near Phoenix…?)
Have you asked your case manager for a list of providers?