The wife's pregnant (YAY!). What are some things we should talk about?

Don’t stock up yet on anything that requires knowledge of the baby’s future size, or your wife’s future size. That includes diapers, baby clothes, maternity clothes or bras for her, and shoes for either your wife or the baby. Nobody knows now how much weight she is going to gain during pregnancy, or how it’s going to be distributed. Nobody knows how big your baby will be when he or she is born, either. That’s dicey to predict even with an ultrasound late in the pregnancy. Your wife’s breasts probably are going to get bigger (they might have started to already), but it’s hard to predict how much bigger. Her feet might get bigger, or they might not. She’ll probably need some bigger clothes at some point, but how much bigger she’ll get varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy.

If she’s not taking prenatal vitamins yet, she should start. Those are another thing not to stock up on until she’s tried them. Not all women tolerate all prenatal vitamins equally well. Some prenatal vitamins make some women nauseous. A vitamin that doesn’t stay down doesn’t do her or the baby much good. Get a small bottle of them, see how they sit with her, and then, if she does OK with them, you can stock up.

If she doesn’t have an OB or midwife yet, she needs to find one now.

If she’s taking any medications or dietary supplements, she needs to discuss them with a doctor ASAP. This includes herbal remedies and vitamins. Just because something is natural or a vitamin doesn’t necessarily mean it’s safe during pregnancy, or that it’s safe in unlimited amounts in pregnancy. For example, too much preformed vitamin A (as found in animal products, beta carotene from things like carrots is safe) during pregnancy can cause birth defects. Some people think you’ll have to quit taking any medications during pregnancy. This is not true, although there are some medications that are not safe in pregnancy. She should not quit taking any prescribed medication without talking to a doctor first. This is especially true for medications for potentially life-threatening conditions like high blood pressure or asthma. If you or anyone in your family takes Propecia, she shouldn’t even touch the Propecia tablets while she’s pregnant.

If you want a CVS or amniocentesis, you’ll need to schedule that. If your hospital is like mine, you’ll have to schedule it a few weeks in advance. If you would consider aborting if the test found an abnormality, the clock is ticking on that. Abortions get more expensive, harder to get, and, from what I’ve heard, more painful for the woman the farther along she is. If that’s a possibility, you’ll want prenatal testing as early as you can get it. If you want to discuss a big, important, controversial topic now, what prenatal testing you want and what you’d do if it found a problem would be a good one to discuss.

You might need to avoid certain restaurants or types of restaurants when you’re eating out with her. Diners and restaurants that serve brunch are not popular with a lot of pregnant women, because they smell like bacon and/or coffee. Bacon and coffee are two smells that make many pregnant women nauseous, though lots of different smells can do it. Food and smell aversions are really random- she might develop an aversion to something she has always loved. If she complains that the smell of a place you’re in is bothering her, you probably want to get her out of there as soon as possible, unless you want to be cleaning up vomit.

If she’s prone to motion sickness, pregnancy nausea will probably make this worse.

She shouldn’t be doing much if any gardening. There are a couple of reasons for this. One is that some chemicals used in gardening are bad for pregnant women, or it’s not known whether or not they are OK. For example, Roundup can cause birth defects, so she shouldn’t be using it. The other reason is that outdoor cats poop in gardens, and their poo can carry toxoplasmosis, which can cause birth defects. Somebody else should be doing any gardening she’s been doing.

If you have cats, she should not be cleaning or scooping their litter boxes. Someone else should be doing this job. If she absolutely has to do anything with the litter boxes, she should wear gloves and a face mask while she does, and wash her hands thoroughly afterward. You don’t have to get rid of your cats, but she should take some precautions around their poo.

Pregnancy hormones might make her more emotional. This isn’t just a cliche- it really does happen.

If she drinks a lot of caffeine, she should cut back. Amounts over 200 mg per day (which is 1-2 cups of coffee or 5 12-ounce glasses of Diet Pepsi) are associated with an increased risk of miscarriage. This probably has affected my mood even more than the actual pregnancy hormones, and not for the better.

She’s going to have to pee more often than usual, maybe a lot more often than usual.

She’s not going to want to travel after about 32 weeks of pregnancy. She may not want to travel much even before that. She might not want you to travel in the last month or two of her pregnancy, or you might not want to travel and take a chance on missing the baby’s birth. The baby’s birth generally cannot be postponed until you get back from a trip, and most OBs won’t induce labor for scheduling reasons like that. Different airlines have different policies on how many weeks pregnant you can be and still fly, and there are different policies for international and domestic travel. This is worth checking before buying any tickets. After she has the baby, it’s not a great idea to travel with the baby before he or she is about 2 months old, since the baby won’t have had a lot of immunizations and will be vulnerable to catching things from other travelers.

You should discuss who is the father.

{D&R}

Congratulations. Here’s hoping for a safe and healthy pregnancy.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea for both of you to be screened for being carriers of genetic diseases. This would be things like cystic fibrosis if either of you is of European heritage, sickle-cell anemia if one of you is of African heritage, thalassemia if you’re Asian or Mediterranean (ie, Greek or Italian), or Tay-Sachs and other Jewish genetic diseases if either one of you is Ashkenazic Jewish. If you find you’re both carriers for the same disease, you might want to do prenatal testing to find out if the baby is going to have that disease. This could be helpful even if you wouldn’t abort if it were- if your baby has a genetic disease, it might be helpful for the OB and pediatrician to know this before the baby is born.

Make a list of everything you need. I was hoping to get by on very little, but babies need a surprising amount of stuff and it can be very expensive. Look on craigslist for local garage sales and good deals on baby stuff. We’re getting our cribs and car seats new for safety reasons, but everything else we hope to find used.

Be prepared for all sorts of advice (some unwanted). Several people have warned me not to share the names until after the baby is born. I was freely talking about my possible choices until some people started being negative about names. I still throw out options to trusted individuals to get opinions, but I no longer tell anyone who asks my options.

Yes. Never buy used cribs or car seats.

The cribs thing is mostly because the standards for cribs in the US changed a few years ago. Most cribs used to have drop side rails, where one side slid up and down. Those are dangerous and you can’t legally sell a drop side crib any more, but of course they can’t completely police the secondhand market. Older cribs might also have other features since found to be dangerous, or be dangerous because of damaged or missing hardware.

The car seats are because you don’t know the history of a car seat that you buy used, and you don’t want to buy a car seat that has ever been in a car accident. There can be damage to them, and the damage isn’t always visible. There are also some older car seats with dangerous features.

Pick up some board books. In my experience reading them in a monotone will help soothe a crying baby. Also, reading to the baby in general is a habit you’ll want to start early. Grandparents often enjoy this, etc.

Honestly, I think you should do it as soon as the baby’s bitten. We all know once it’s infected, it’s only a matter of time 'til it turns, and it’ll just be harder then.

Specifically “during delivery”, be prepared to run interference. My delivery was pretty hellish, made far worse by the mismanagement of the medical staff (summary: one of my chief regrets is that I only hit the doctor once).

Someone to literally block the nazi nurse from upping my Pitocin drip until they got me the FUCKING PAIN RELIEF they’d been working on for THREE HOURS. Someone to tear a new one in the asshole anesthesiologist who said, and I quote: “If I stopped every time a woman had a contraction I’d never get done” (and he botched the epidural, also).

Basically, someone to make the medical people stop and EXPLAIN EVERYTHING before LAYING A HAND on your wife, unless it is quite literally a “or she’ll die NOW” moment.

Concur on the car seat, but the crib: if you know where you’re getting it, and have researched the current safety issues, you should be OK (the original owners might even have the manual which would serve as a sanity check); obviously check it over carefully and make sure it’s not missing parts.

You can of course be safer by purchasing a brand-new one, if you don’t want to bother with all that.

Funnily enough, both of my kids had secondhand cribs. My son was in one that my mother had bought to keep around for the grandkids; she gave that to me and got a portable one to have at her house. When he destroyed that, we bought one from a friend whose daughter had outgrown it. In both cases they were up to the then-current safety standards.

Oooh: a wind-up or battery-powered swing. Those gave us some precious non-screaming moments with the kids. That’s one thing I wished I’d bought new - we inherited one from my brother after his 3 kids outgrew it and it was not in the best condition… then I got a secondhand one from a thrift store which was a huge pain to put the baby in. If I’d picked one out myself, I could have gotten exactly the features I wanted.

Carseat/stroller combo: they were just coming out when Dweezil was born and I didn’t bother, and regretted it. I did at least get an infant carrier where you fasten the base in the car, then snap the seat into it.

Oh - and CONGRATULATIONS. DOPERBABIES ARE THE CUTEST!!! :).

She might want to consider whether or not she will breastfeed. If she chooses to do so, it will be best for her and the baby if there aren’t a lot of people around right after the delivery. It can be stressfull enough without an audience. Mom and baby need time to have skin to skin contact and bond. She will have maximum milk output if she starts as soon as possible after the baby is born - ideally with the first hour. Most larger hospitals have lactation consultants available to assist with this.

Congratulations! :slight_smile:

Do you and your wife have a will? If not, you should probably start thinking about it. More for the guardianship of your new one, if something were to happen to both of you than anything else. If you don’t make the decision, the court will.

Congrats!

You shoudl begin now to discuss the installation of closed cabinets around the perimeter of every room in your house, just below the ceiling. Put them as high as you can wihtout making them too small to be useful.

Seriously, you can not yet fathom how really improtant safe storage space will become, how quickly it will become so, or how busy and exhausted you will be between now and then. Address it now. Lots and lots of very high, very lockable storage.

This is a worthwhile mention here. A Will, or a Trust, depending on your circumstances.

Another thing to consider talking about with your wife, if she is/had been working, is under what circumstances or conditions she will return to work (or not return). Just so expectations are managed all around in the coming years.