I'm pregnant? What!!!! (Wait, no, I'm not.) [edited title]

[Mint_Julep]

So long story short, I had a raging ear infection in both ears after a SCUBA trip. I was on antibiotics for 3 months and apparently my guy and I were careless. I was a few days late (but my cycle has been all over the place for a year) and decided to take a test. I never thought in a million years I was actually pregnant.

I am.

I am 34 and my boyfriend is a good deal older than me. We have been together for years and living together the past 2 but we just never got around to the marriage part.

Regardless, we are both utterly freaked out. I can tell we try to be all smiles and cool to support each other in person, but I am barely keeping it together. We love kids, but we had decided long ago that we did not want any of our own.

The past 24 hours have been so life changing…I feel like most of plans for the future just got rewritten. And I know I sound pathetic and whiny, but I feel like if I open my mouth I am going to let out the internal blood curdling scream that I am stiffling.

I went to the clinic near my office and got vitamins, and I have an OBGYN appt in 2 days, but basically I know NOTHING about babies/toddlers/kids. I dont know about car seats, feedings, or baby furniture. I dont know what to do when a baby is screaming and not hungry or wet. I dont know about any of this!

I am trying so hard to remind myself, women have been doing this for years, and also to not jump ahead and just handle each day, but honestly, I feel like I am walking around in a dream like state of confusion.

[Agent_Foxtrot]

First, congratulations. Second, don’t freak out – people have been doing this for millions of years without a manual. You’ll be fine.

[Sattua]

Don’t freak. There must be dozens of Dope threads about babies, including some recent ones by Anne Neville, Lissla Lissar, and Zsofia among others.

And yes, many of your plans for the future just got totally rewritten!

[Mint_Julep]

@Agent_Foxtrot

First, congratulations. Second, don’t freak out – people have been doing this for millions of years without a manual. You’ll be fine.

Honest and heart felt thanks. I have felt on the verge of hyperventilation for the past 48 hours. I just need to be rational.

[Sattua]

It’ll be quite a while before you can be rational again, tootse. I’m posting again to say that I love talking about pregnancy and babies (credentials: I have a toddler and started the “Ask the hugely pregnant chick” thread right before she was born), so if you find yourself short of people to natter with, PM me.

[Maggie_the_Ocelot]

Take a deep breath. You will be OK. Do you know how far along you are?

If you don’t want to be a parent, you don’t have to. You can choose not to have the baby; you can choose to have the baby and give the gift of parenthood to another couple.

Discuss all the options with your sweetie, but remember that you pretty much have total veto power. Whatever you decide is what will happen.

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

[Mint_Julep]

Thank you Sattua and Maggie the Ocelot, I dont think I could rationalize giving the kiddo up. We have always joked that we would be awesome parents, I just never expected the choice to be made for me. We are both financially secure, and I dont think we would accidentally leave our kid in McDonalds. That has to be a start?
I am only 4-5 weeks pregnant at most, but another thing is…Last week, right around the time I should have started, we had sex and I bled after. Like a decent amount. So I just thought I got my period. But, I had seen enough after school specials to know, you could still be pregnant. I put in a tampon that morning but I never bled on it.
Is it normal to have any blood like this? Obviously, I will discuss with the OB on Friday, but it is concerning to a clueless female.

[suranyi]

Absolutely: The choice is yours. You can have the baby, you can not have the baby, you can give the baby up for adoption.

If you choose to have the baby, there is no need to panic. You will be fine. There are many, many sources of help and information for pregnant women nowadays including, of course, this message board.

[Loach]

Babies are easy. Talk to me in a few years.

[lance_strongarm]

@Mint_Julep

Regardless, we are both utterly freaked out. I can tell we try to be all smiles and cool to support each other in person, but I am barely keeping it together. We love kids, but we had decided long ago that we did not want any of our own.

Your specific problem, one you’ll have to work out for yourself and with your boyfriend.

I went to the clinic near my office and got vitamins, and I have an OBGYN appt in 2 days, but basically I know NOTHING about babies/toddlers/kids. I dont know about car seats, feedings, or baby furniture. I dont know what to do when a baby is screaming and not hungry or wet. I dont know about any of this!

Not your specific problem. EVERY single first-time parent knows nothing about it.

Don’t worry too much, there’s plenty of help and advice out there for this problem.

[Anne_Neville]

@Mint_Julep

I went to the clinic near my office and got vitamins, and I have an OBGYN appt in 2 days, but basically I know NOTHING about babies/toddlers/kids. I dont know about car seats, feedings, or baby furniture. I dont know what to do when a baby is screaming and not hungry or wet. I dont know about any of this!

I am trying so hard to remind myself, women have been doing this for years, and also to not jump ahead and just handle each day, but honestly, I feel like I am walking around in a dream like state of confusion.

All of this happens to people who are trying to conceive, too. Mr. Neville and I had been trying for a few months, and it still freaked me the fuck out when I got that positive pregnancy test.

It sounds like you’ve decided to keep the baby, am I right?

@Agent Foxtrot

Second, don’t freak out – people have been doing this for millions of years without a manual. You’ll be fine.

People who aren’t Dopers, even. If they can manage it, so can you. And, hopefully, so can I.

But there are books you can read on this. Right now, the ones you want are the pregnancy books. I’ve been staying away from the What to Expect books, because I’ve heard they are anxiogenic, and I tend to be anxious anyway. But if they work for you, go for it. If a book freaks you out or pisses you off, get a different one. There is no book that is required reading for everyone who is pregnant or has kids. There really isn’t.

The big things for now: if you’re drinking alcohol, smoking, or using recreational drugs, you should stop ASAP. There are some other things you shouldn’t consume in pregnancy, but those are the biggies. If you’re doing a job where you’re exposed to a lot of chemicals, talk to your OB about that (if you have an office job, this probably doesn’t apply to you). A lot of medications are OK in pregnancy, but there are some that aren’t. Your OB will ask for a list of medications that you’re on. Be sure to include any supplements or herbal medicines in this list. It might be a good idea to take the bottles of pills you take with you to your first appointment, because then they can get any information they want from those.

I don’t know if you have mental health issues or not, but I do, so I want to mention this. If you do see a psychiatrist, it would be a good idea to find one who is comfortable working with someone who is pregnant. They do exist, and pregnancy doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have to go off any medications you take for mental issues. Talk to your psychiatrist about it before going off any medications for mental issues.

Your doctors will almost always know more about any medicines you might be taking than TV commercials or people posting on the internet do. If these sources disagree, I’d go with what your doctors are saying. This board is pretty reliable and panic-free, but that is not true of all discussion boards, as you may know.

[FairyChatMom]

Before worrying about dealing with a baby, you need to prepare yourself to deal with idiots, but known to you and total strangers, who will feel compelled to tell you their pregnancy stories, especially if they’re horror stories. It might help to come up with a statement you can use to stop the tales of terror before they start. Honestly, some folks are totally clueless and think nothing of describing puking and pains and various fluids coming from various orifices and even the more horrific outcomes. Spare yourself - nip it in the bud early.

Congrats and don’t panic. You’ll figure it all out. And bear in mind that while there are “typical” milestones for everything, your baby will be unique and may well defy all that you read about. Or not. But you’ll figure it out. And you’ll do fine. Babies are easy. It’s the teenagers that’ll make you go over the edge.

[Farmer_Jane]

@Mint_Julep

Thank you Sattua and Maggie the Ocelot, I dont think I could rationalize giving the kiddo up. We have always joked that we would be awesome parents, I just never expected the choice to be made for me. We are both financially secure, and I dont think we would accidentally leave our kid in McDonalds. That has to be a start?

Just let us know when you’re, like, SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE so we can be like SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with you.

You’ll be fine.

[Anne_Neville]

@FairyChatMom

Honestly, some folks are totally clueless and think nothing of describing puking and pains and various fluids coming from various orifices and even the more horrific outcomes. Spare yourself - nip it in the bud early.

It’s polite to not talk about puking, pains, and fluids coming from orifices in mixed company. Or on the phone from work, if you have cubicles. I had to explain to Mr. Neville that I could not tell him how I was doing while on the phone at work, because I had morning sickness and didn’t want to talk about it where my cubicle neighbors could hear.

Are you planning to tell people IRL right away? I kept the news on pretty much a strict need-to-know basis until 14 weeks. The risk of miscarriage goes down then, so you’re less likely to have to tell everyone if you do have a miscarriage if you wait to tell until 14 weeks. Or maybe you would want to tell people if you had a miscarriage. I wouldn’t, so I didn’t tell people I was pregnant until 14 weeks.

[Mint_Julep]

Yes, Anne Neville I think I am keeping the baby. I dont feel I could personally handle any other option. Good news though, I dont drink, smoke, do presciption or recreational drugs or any other harmful stuff. I excercise and eat relatively healthy. I do have a question though.
I have a kitty and I wore rubber gloves and a bandana over my nose (yes there are turd burgler jokes in there some place) when I scooped the litter today. I also washed extra carefully after. I adore my cat, so I would gladly take some input on that.
I also did consider the What to Expect book, but I am not sure I am ready for that. Mucus plugs still sound terribly scary.
FairyChatMom I fully expect a ton of insensitive comments from my friends and family, but you make a very good point. I am not at all ready for that. Ignorence is bliss. Let me find out the gross painful stuff on my own, hopefully surrounded my tons of happy drugs.

[Mint_Julep]

@Farmer_Jane

Just let us know when you’re, like, SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE so we can be like SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with you.

You’ll be fine.

oh I look forward to that, and once I stop having this glazed over robot face, I will let you know

[Mint_Julep]

I dont know about telling folks yet Anne Neville. That is another thing that I am clueless about. I did tell my sister. She is like my twin and I HAD to tell someone other than my SO. But I have three close friends who had miscarriages this year, so that is a concern.

[JohnT]

Congratulations, Mint!

[Anne_Neville]

@Mint_Julep

I dont know about telling folks yet Anne Neville. That is another thing that I am clueless about. I did tell my sister. She is like my twin and I HAD to tell someone other than my SO. But I have three close friends who had miscarriages this year, so that is a concern.

If you don’t want her telling anybody else, it is probably best to say this explicitly.

I have a kitty and I wore rubber gloves and a bandana over my nose (yes there are turd burgler jokes in there some place) when I scooped the litter today. I also washed extra carefully after. I adore my cat, so I would gladly take some input on that.

I have generally delegated cat litterbox duties to Mr. Neville. When I have to do it, I use disposable latex gloves and wash my hands afterwards.

Indoor or outdoor cat? Indoor cats aren’t terribly likely to get toxoplasmosis (which is what you have to worry about catching from dealing with cat litter). Outdoor cats are higher risk.

Having cats around to pet is good for pregnancy aches and pains, and for hormonal mood swings. If you have to nap during the day or have to go to bed early (pretty common), it’s good for you to have cats in the bed with you. I think it’s also good for the baby, for a cat to sit against your belly and purr.

[StGermain]

Mint - Congratulations!

From Wikipedia:

Pregnancy precautions

Congenital toxoplasmosis is a special form in which an unborn child is infected via the placenta. A positive antibody titer indicates previous exposure and immunity and largely ensures the unborn baby’s safety. A simple blood draw at the first prenatal doctor visit can determine whether or not the woman has had previous exposure and therefore whether or not she is at risk. If a woman receives her first exposure to toxoplasmosis while pregnant, the baby is at particular risk. A woman with no previous exposure should avoid handling raw meat, exposure to cat feces, and gardening (cat feces are common in garden soil).

If you’ve had your cat for a while you’ve probably already been exposed, and so you should both be safe. Have them check when you go to the doctor for the fisrt time, or just make your BF scoop (what the heck, you might as well take advantage of the situation!)

StG