First off, if she is, this is fantastic news. We have been trying for a few months now, and it is a bit unexpected that it happened so quickly but its great.
*If *she is pregnant.
That’s the thing, we don’t know yet. We strongly suspect, but it’s too early to know for sure and the not knowing is freakin’ killing me. She has symptoms a plenty though. She is unusually fatigued, the last three days she has been unusually nauseous in the mornings (but not throwing up), she has become hyper sensitive to smells, her breasts have gotten a tiny bit bigger, etc. So, we think it is likely, but we can also think of a half dozen explinations for the symptoms if she isn’t pregnant.
If she is pregnant she couldn’t be more than 2 weeks along (possibly 16 days) and even the earliest home pregnacy test we can find says she has to wait until Sunday to get anything like an accurate result…and so I try not to think about it.
For health reasons though, untill we know for sure, we are going on the working assumption that she is pregnant. Fortunatly we both quit smoking back in December, and when she quit smoking her taste for alcohol went right out the window. She switched to decaf yesterday and, other than that I think we live fairly healthy lives so from that standpoint we should be set, I hope.
We also spent about three hours yesterday talking about baby names.
I am excited and frightened all at the same time.
Finacially this is an uncertain time. My office had layoffs last week, and while my job was kept, I am now the only person in my office with my position. Which means that it’s possible that they will decide my position isn’t needed at all. Of course it’s also possible that they will decide that I am invaluable and I can’t ever be let go. She works for Wells Fargo, and while Wells is doing better than most banks…it’s still a bank. There is uncertainty here, no doubt. The timing isn’t perferct, but we both have good jobs right now and make decent money with really good career prospects.
Neither of us have kids yet, we are relatively young (mid to late twenties) which is both good and bad I suppose. The idea of being a Dad is too huge for me to think about in a single chunk. I have always wanted a family, but now that the prospect seems real it’s damn frightening. I have to kind of edge up on the thought. But I keep thinking back on another thread I read recently that said if you aren’t scared you are too stupid to have children. So, I am trying to find comfort in the fear.
The excitement is there too, but it’s a little harder to quantify. But I am excited. It’s not all fear, in fact it’s more excitement than fear, and I will be crushed if it turns out that she isn’t pregnant.
And just as all this starts racing through my head I have to remind myself that we don’t actually know anything and couldn’t possibly know anything for certain for almost a week and even then it won’t be certain, and I am sitting here in my office quietly going nuts every time I start to think about it.
Sorry, I don’t mean this to be bloggish, but I don’t want to talk to any of my friends or family about it in case she isn’t, but the not knowing is driving me nuts and I needed to tell someone.