As a lot of folks know…I’m trying to get pregnant. I’m trying very hard NOT to be the girl who talks about getting pregnant all the time, because I know that’s very annoying to some people.
But I’m also going crazy. Crazy I tell you. Let’s go down a list of facts, and the TMI is going to be fast and furious.
On the day of my last period, I didn’t have my period. I had spotting for two days…not even enough for a slim fit tampon. A bit of cramping and very little…substance. No clots or chunks.
: urp :
Ok. So after that, I figured, I’m not pregnant…life’s rough…move on.
And then the terrible terrible breast pain that I ranted about in the pit, which has subsided SOMEWHAT but still strikes every day for at least one or two bouts of agony. Also, pronounced veins on the breasts, and none of my bras fit. This could just be that I’m getting fatter, right?
This is crazy, I say…i’m going to take a test just to be sure. In FACT…I took two. They were both negative.
OK. Well, I’m not pregnant…life’s rough…move on.
Then came the dizziness, the nausea, the complete loss of appetite and the exhaustion. Could this all be psychosomatic? Certainly, except if it is, it’s pretty fucking vicious activity on the part of my subconscious. And my psycho doesn’t seem to be getting the message that the tests were negative and I KNOW I’m not pregnant.
So I finally call the doctor. Explain everything. She says “Well, if you took a test and it was negative, don’t worry about it. You’re not pregnant. Why don’t you come in on AUGUST SIXTH just to make sure…because that’s the earliest I can get you in.”
So in the meantime, the boobs still hurt, the dizziness continues, the nausea comes and goes, and even though I’m not eating very much, I haven’t lost any weight. And every day I have a bit of abdonminal cramping, almost like my period, but not as severe.
And of course, I torture myself. I go back and forth like a seesaw, pregnant, not pregnant, pregnant, not pregnant. I don’t want to spend five hundred dollars on a zillion tests every day that will all say negative…and yet I’d like to know if I can take an advil for my headache, or go out for a beer with my ten cent wings tonight.
Am I just fooling myself? Is this all the symptoms of hysterical pregnancy? The doctor said “don’t worry about it”…but I can’t help but worry about it.
Two more weeks of this? I’m going insane.
Moms, moms to be, doctors, women, psychiatrists…any thoughts?