Girly Body Advice Needed, Sad, Long, TMI, Self Involved

As a lot of folks know…I’m trying to get pregnant. I’m trying very hard NOT to be the girl who talks about getting pregnant all the time, because I know that’s very annoying to some people.

But I’m also going crazy. Crazy I tell you. Let’s go down a list of facts, and the TMI is going to be fast and furious.

On the day of my last period, I didn’t have my period. I had spotting for two days…not even enough for a slim fit tampon. A bit of cramping and very little…substance. No clots or chunks.

: urp :

Ok. So after that, I figured, I’m not pregnant…life’s rough…move on.

And then the terrible terrible breast pain that I ranted about in the pit, which has subsided SOMEWHAT but still strikes every day for at least one or two bouts of agony. Also, pronounced veins on the breasts, and none of my bras fit. This could just be that I’m getting fatter, right?

This is crazy, I say…i’m going to take a test just to be sure. In FACT…I took two. They were both negative.

OK. Well, I’m not pregnant…life’s rough…move on.

Then came the dizziness, the nausea, the complete loss of appetite and the exhaustion. Could this all be psychosomatic? Certainly, except if it is, it’s pretty fucking vicious activity on the part of my subconscious. And my psycho doesn’t seem to be getting the message that the tests were negative and I KNOW I’m not pregnant.

So I finally call the doctor. Explain everything. She says “Well, if you took a test and it was negative, don’t worry about it. You’re not pregnant. Why don’t you come in on AUGUST SIXTH just to make sure…because that’s the earliest I can get you in.”

So in the meantime, the boobs still hurt, the dizziness continues, the nausea comes and goes, and even though I’m not eating very much, I haven’t lost any weight. And every day I have a bit of abdonminal cramping, almost like my period, but not as severe.

And of course, I torture myself. I go back and forth like a seesaw, pregnant, not pregnant, pregnant, not pregnant. I don’t want to spend five hundred dollars on a zillion tests every day that will all say negative…and yet I’d like to know if I can take an advil for my headache, or go out for a beer with my ten cent wings tonight.

Am I just fooling myself? Is this all the symptoms of hysterical pregnancy? The doctor said “don’t worry about it”…but I can’t help but worry about it.

Two more weeks of this? I’m going insane.

Moms, moms to be, doctors, women, psychiatrists…any thoughts?

Jar, will you take thoughts from a dad? About 8 years ago, we were trying, and we didn’t let anyone know. Best time of my life–twice-daily sex ya know–but we tried and tried and tried with several false alarms. For some reason, it seems that y’all chicks’ brains can screw with the visit from Aunt Flo. We also had a scare a couple of months ago right after I got snipped. Turned out to be stress-related.

Anyhow, to return to my point, it was graduation day for my BA (finally), and my mom was pointing out babies to my wife, telling her that “you need one of those.” Mrs. Stof just nodded and grinned. Later, as we’re at the AlphaBeta, getting beer for the parties (and the store was set up beautifully–from left to right was beer, condoms, pregnancy tests), I’m trying to decide between Bud and Sam Adams and she grabs the “Early Warning:Your Belly May or May Not Swell Up Like a Beachball” boxes and says, “I think I’ll get this.”

Me: How bad do you have to pee?
Her: Not really.
Me: Let’s go home and drink some water.
Her: Nah, let’s go to the parties.
Me: Like hell!

To avoid a Rue vs. Flamsterette kind of long-story-short thing, it turned out that one of my wigglers found a home.

And to answer the OP (OK, forgive me the hijacks and the rambling), if you’re trying and you really want it, that funky part of your brain that you can’t control and that fucks with your body will screw with you every chance it can get. At least that’s my experience.

Keep on tr(f)uckin’.

It is still possible that you are pregnant. The tests are very reliable at detecting the relevant hormones, but the timing has to be right. I had sort of the opposite problem with my last baby. I went in to see my doctor because I was having the period that wouldn’t die and found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant.

I know the waiting is hard. The problem with OB-GYNs is that, from their point of view, unless there are symptoms of something more serious, you are pregnant, not pregnant, or having an early uncomplicated miscarriage. (Sorry to bring that up, but it happens a lot.) There really isn’t anything she can’t do about any of those things, so she just puts you on the back burner for a couple of weeks.

I’d say lay off the beer and Advil for a week and then test again.

You were bleeding and still pregnant? ugh.

Hey JarbabyJ, sorry for your stress.

Just wanted to share my experience that each time I was pregnant (3 times) same thing happened to me. Got period on time but then it went away with nothing more than a little spotting. Huge boobs, sore all the time and exhaustion. Sounds like you might be PG even if the test say no.

Woman I work with was having her period regular but couldn’t get over some kind of stomach bug that was leaving her nauseated and weak. Found out later that she was 3 months pregnant.

Relax. Try some meditation or guided visualization or hot bath or yoga or whatever works for you as a stress reliever (besides beer). Aug. 6 will be here soon.

Here’s hoping for a positive report when you get there.

You know, when I was pregnant (and finally knew I was pregnant) I was STUNNED by the reaction of my doctor’s office when I called. I mean, a called the office THE SECOND it was open that next morning, and nearly broke the phone pounding the numbers in. Their reaction? “Hmm, okay, let’s see, come in in a few weeks.”

Here it was, the biggest event of my life, and I fully expected them to clear the waiting room, get me a police escort, and get me into an examination room RIGHT AWAY. I mean, I was pregnant! Finally! Hooray! This at the very least warrants an announcement over the intercom throughout the medical office. At the VERY LEAST. It was beyond disappointing to have them supress a yawn and look casually at the appointment schedule for the next month.

But you know, from a medical standpoint, there’s nothing they can do; thus, it’s no big deal to them. So I understand your frustration. But it’s not just you. You’re not medically interesting until the little zygote has implanted and looks like it wants to stick around for the full 9-months.

jarbabyj, I want to comment on your post, but don’t feel particularly great about the information I am sharing. IANAD, and know nothing about how close your situation is to my wife’s. My intent is to provide information in the hope that it is helpful.

In my wife’s case, while we were trying for our second child, she had a funny, spotty period but the pregnancy tests were negative. A couple of weeks, later, she continued to spot and called her OB/GYN, who recommended that she take another pregnancy test. My wife again explained that she had, but the OB/GYN said to do it anyway.

This one tested positive.

My wife of course went to the doctor and tests revealed an ectopic pregnancy, where the embryo implants in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus. Since they are invariably unsuccessful and life-threatening to the mother, action had be taken immediately. My wife had a variant of chemo therapy (that was how it was described to us) and the pregnancy was terminated. My wife was distraught by all of this, but knew what had to be done.

The good news is that after a couple of months, we were able to try again, which resulted in our daughter, now almost two and a complete joy.

Again, I am sorry if this is scary - I hope the information is helpful for you. I wish you strength as you figure out what is happening with this specific situation and continue with your efforts over time.

Leave out the hot bath (just make it nice and warm). Hot baths not good for baby.

I write this while in the throes of heavy-duty evening sickness.

I’ll just relate my experiences for you. J and I hadn’t ever “tried” to get pregnant by using ovulator indicators, taking temps or checking cervical mucous (faint). We kind of just winged it for a few months. Each month, as the time for my period approached, I would feel sick, dizzy, be sure I was pregnant.

Finally, the one month were I actually knew when I was ovulating, we did it on the day that little sucker was ready. So, again, like the months before, we waited. Again, I was sure I was pregnant. J was sure I was NOT. The day my period was due, it didn’t come. I took a test in the evening upon returning home from school. It was negative. I took one the next morning. Negative. Again, the next morning. Negative.

I was sure I was pregnant. I just knew it. So, I made J go with me to get a test at the lab. Negative. He thought I was losing my mind. I still hadn’t gotten my period and the doctor said that maybe I just skipped it, but the test was negative and I was NOT pregnant, so I should get on with my life.

The next morning, I woke up early. I decided to take another test, just for my own sanity. It was positive. By the time I woke J up, he thought I’d lost my mind seriously. I took another one in front of him. Positive!

I can’t speak for all hpt’s, but the one I took obviously required a high level of pregnancy hormones to test positive. Now, that’s not to say you are pregnant, but that’s just my story.

I know it’s so exciting each month, and just as disappointing when Aunt Flo comes to visit. Try to relax about it and let your body take over.

All the best.

I had the sore, swollen breasts like you jarbaby, but no light spotting. I tested as positive at right around 3 1/2 weeks, but I’d tested negative about nine days prior to that. Are you preggers? I don’t know, but it certainly sounds possible. Try not to stress (that can be as bad for a lil’guy as beer) and test again in a week or so. In the meantime, keep trying–that’s the fun part anyway. :wink:
Good Luck!


Well, I just took another test and it was negative. This is month seven.

I’m not sure I’m cut out for this. It just gets more and more depressing every damn month…and now my damn mind is playing tricks on me and every time I get my hopes up…their shot down.

People can have babies and burn them in fireplaces and leave them in damn cars to roast and i can’t even get pregnant once. I’ve got all the damn charts, I’m shoving my hand up my hoo ha every day looking at stupid mucus, I’m laying around with Pillows under my hips…nothing.

It’s not really the fun, joyous adventure everyone tells you it should be.

In fact, it’s getting to be heartbreaking. :frowning:

I hear you jarbaby.

we are in the same boat.
your thread could have been started by me.

I can’t offer any advise or words of wisdom, but I hope it helps you to know you aren’t alone out there.

Thanks BNB. I wish you the best of luck.

J, here’s a hug. What you’re going through, I watched a friend of mine go through for quite some time. She didn’t appreciate being told to relax, so I won’t tell you to (but that really is what you need to do). It does start to take over your life. Take care. I’m thinking of you.

I am so sorry jarbabyj. But I would like to share two stories…

One, my own, I took five tests within a week, with a variety of positive and negative results. Even at the docs, negative. Turns out, I was.

My friend who is irregular (once every 45 days) was trying since August.

She found out a month and a half ago that she was preggers.

Try not to get to discouraged (impossible, I know). Maybe you should look at something like ClearPlan. I know you can buy them on ebay. Might be worth it, just to settle your mind a little.

Good luck!

Dear jarbabyj:
Yes, you will one day achieve that glorious stage of life considered pregnancy. You know, the one where you may or may not throw up every morning/night, both, one or the other for around 3 months. You will gradually lose all control of your emotions, cry at the drop of a hat curse the day because you can’t button your blouses any more. You watch your body change, get huge, butt spread, uncontrollable urge for food, doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s edible and fits in your mouth. Then you cry some more because you are fat.
Feet swell, can’t sleep, can’t keep your balance, doctor offers to put you on food stamps so that you can get more to eat because you’ve gained way too much weight and he feels the need to be a smartass. You listen to all these other pregnant women talk about this child they are carrying, how much they love it, yea right. You’ll be so ready to spit that child out that you will offer to let the entire city of Chicago view your lower body as you extract this element causing your extreme pain.
Here comes your bundle of joy. You will not remember life as you know it. You will rarely wear clean clothes again for longer than 30 seconds. Sleep will be something you vaguely remember. If you think your body depresses you now, just wait. Everything shifts and there’s no shifting it back. Here you have this little baby, crying, eating, and pooping with absolute abandonment. Love you? Not hardly, too much time sleeping.
But as time moves along, this wonderous soul will bring you more joy, love, pain, confusion, anger, sadness, smiles, pride, and any other emotion you could ever imagine into your life. You will truly be a lioness ready to defend and protect.
Yes, you will get pregnant. Be patient. Do not try so hard, as it is evident you are trying too hard. All things in good time. Enjoy each day as it is. Do not worry. Do not look for every little sign. You are probably not pregnant at this time. Maybe not next time, but one time you will be. And you will be ready. You will make a good mother. But stop beating yourself up. Getting pregnant isn’t done on a rating chart and does not give you worth or value. You already have that.
Now back to your regularly scheduled posts.

So, some more long thoughts from the sympathetic masses…

First, I assume from the hand up the hoo-haa/mucous and charting that you have Taking Charge of Your Fertility? If not, worth getting.

Second, if you still have symptoms, you still might be pregnant. How long has it been exactly since your period should have arrived? I know someone who doesn’t test postive on blood tests until she is four weeks late. Urine tests take even longer for her. I don’t take quite that long, but it was usually way later than I expected before I tested positive. Anecdotal, but evidence that sometimes the usual rules do not apply.

Myself, only once when I tested right on time did I get a + right on time. That was my older son, Gabe (first pregnancy).

Second time, I got plenty of symptoms right away. I miscarried the day I went to test (more than a week late, description of the period is WAY TMI, but if you want to know, I’ll tell you - my midwife indicated that that was one of the standard ‘looks’ of early m/c period). Not a huge emotional whack, though. Coped.

Third time: Again, plenty of symptoms. I tested, negative. Tested again, negative. Tested again (not daily, mind you!), +, more than a week late. But my symptoms came and went, sometimes bad, sometimes not bad at all. Miscarried at almost 8 weeks. Really horrible experience. Lots of not coping.

Tried again. Tracked my symptoms and cycle very carefully (CF/CP version, no temps). Might have had one other early miscarriage (implantation failure) complete with cramping at an unusual time (early). Noticed in the next few cycles that I get symptoms from the progesterone surge post ovulation - nausea, mostly. But because I’m looking for symptoms, the progesterone surge symptoms register as pregnancy symptoms. So I don’t use nausea as a marker for me. However, color change on my nipples (darker), and dizzy spells have been consistent for the pregnancies that held long enough to register.

Fourth time: Symptoms early again. I tested, negative. Tested again, negative. Waited, tested again. Negative. Went out the same day and bought one of those super-sensitive tests designed to show up before your period is even due (the brand makes a HUGE DIFFERENCE!), and tested again (now well over a week overdue). +. Phew, except then I wondered - was this a repeat of the last one? Symptoms shifted around. Some came and went. Stressed out for a few months, but had a healthy boy right on his due date.

So, symptoms vary all over the place, regardless, even in the same person. Progesterone surge can mimic pregnancy symptoms (not surprising since many of them stem from the hormone shift). But, testing negative and being pregnant anyway isn’t all that unusual, especially if you are not using a super-sensitive test. (Didn’t we have a thread on this about a year ago - about being pregnant despite negative test? Search hung on me…) Check out what the sensitivity level of the test is. Get one that is super sensitive. IANAD, but if you continue to spot, or have pain on one side, or otherwise suspect that something is BAD, get thee to the Dr immediately. Ectopic is a rotten experience, from what I’ve seen of two friends who went through it.

And another note - one of my old OBs told me that on average, in her practice, people who were working at getting pregnant in a serious way took about 9 months to conceive. So you’ve got two months to go just to hit the 50% mark. There’s a reason the stats are usually listed as ‘within a year’ of trying, not within 3 months, or 6 months, or 9 months. You’ve got an 85% chance of pregnancy within a year, IIRC. Feels like forfreakinever, but good chances still there. Hard not to bum out, though.

Hang in there. Trying is not much fun, and can be pretty emotionally and spiritually wounding, IMHO. Even the guys get frustrated and crushed by it at times.

Fingers still crossed that you’re pregnant but testing negative. By the time your doc sees you, if you are pg, it should show up on ultrasound. (massive amounts of healthy-preg-NOW vibes heading your way - and tagged some for BNB, too)

I can’t really add much but support.

Lady Chance and I tried for (literally) years before she became pregnant. Then we took a drunken vacation to New Orleans and bang, look what happened.

Literally, we spent an entire week either watching alligators in the bayou or drinking. Oh, my head.

Not that I’m recommending that as a method. But I’ve kind of thought since then that relaxation is the key. Being too stressed (from anything, even the stress of obsessing over being pregnant) can have a downer effect on your body.

So go outside and do things. Exercise…play…spend money…anything to stop thinking about it. It’ll be good for you in many ways.

I think it often happens when you are not trying to have one.

If not here’s my recommendation–borrow a trailer for a weekend, get a tube top and go at it…also possibly try the backseat of a Chevy Nova–heard they work wonders :wink:

You know, jar, if you need someone to massage the pain away…:wink: