What sucks about trying to have a baby (TMI)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yeah, all the sex is fun. No doubt about that. But what I wasn’t expecting was the monthly emotional rollercoaster.

I went off the Pill in July. Every time I got my period since then, I’d think, “Ok, this time, I am not going to get my hopes up. I’ll just relax and see what happens this month.” But then every damned month, beginning about a week before my period was supposed to start, I’d feel that hope creeping in again. Like, “Maybe this time I am. Maybe this time I won’t get it.” Every month since July.

And then, last week, at last! My period didn’t seem to be arriving! Woo hoo! I took a home pregnancy test and got a positive. I told my husband about it, told my visiting sister about it, spend the weekend on Cloud 9. Still, I kept having spotting. I read up on Teh Intarwebs about it and learn that the degree to which I am experiencing it is not normal. I started to worry. I took another test Monday morning, again positive. The bleeding continued.

I went in yesterday for a blood hormone test. The results this morning don’t really tell us anything. The hormone level should, under normal circumstances, build to 2000. My level is at 661 right now, which doesn’t prove anything one way or the other. They’ll test every 48 hours either until it gets to 2000 or drops.

Also, turns out my blood type is O-, so I need to have an injection of rogam (sp?) to prevent my immune system from attacking the baby’s red blood cells. Fun times.

I’ve been working on being accepting of whichever way things go, but it’s hard, and even harder when I still won’t know for several days at least. I hate this.

I don’t really have a point with all this. If you’ve got some sympathy to share, I’ll take it. If you’re going through or have gone through the same thing, you’re welcome in here. This just sucks.

2

Sending lucky thoughts your way!

3

I’ll send sympathetic thoughts your way too. I have a colleague who was very excited about being pregnant as she and her husband had been trying for a second child but when she went for her first scan last week, they couldn’t find anything. She’s gutted.

4

You are right, it sucks. Sending sympathy.

5

Hi Beadalin, yes it is an emotional rollercoaster. It can consume you totally - you focus on getting pregnant which sounds so easy and yet can take so long with so much emtional turmoil and upset and upheavel and hopes and praying to God or whoever that, this time, it works. And most months, it doesn’t. And then it does and isn’t it great? But then the worries start and … well, that’s how it went for me.

I hope that all goes well for you, the bleeding can happen at any stage and it is best to get it checked out. For me, it didn’t work out so well but that isn’t the case with everyone. What you’ll quickly find out is that every pregnancy is different and, though you can generalise to an extent, everyone has something different about them - a different kind of pain than your sister had, is that something to worry about? My friend had morning sickness, but I don’t - is that something to worry about? Its a pain in the butt to tell the truth but its so worth it. Although we were unlucky this time round, we want to try again and are actively doing so (of course this means having to work out the mathematical equation that leads one sperm to one egg!) but we think it’s so worth it to have a lovely, bouncing, happily gurgling baby.

I am sending you my best thoughts and wishes and hopes that all works out well for you. And a big hug if you need that too.

6

Most of my pregnancies have been of the “surely to God I can’t be pregnant” variety, so I’ve waited as long as two weeks before doing a home test first thing in the morning, and at that point there’s no way on God’s green earth that you’re going to get a false positive.

That said, my first pregnancy was the toughest because I had what is called a blighted ovum. That is, my body began incubating a non-fertilized egg. I tested positive, I had early pregger symptoms and walked around for two months thinking I was pregnant and … wasn’t. I had to have a D&C. Here is an article about the condition Blighted ovum

I was sort of annoyed that my gynocologist’s office made me wait until I was 10 weeks along before I came in, since I needlessly went two months thinking I was pregnant. Since then with every subsequent pregnancy, I insisted on coming in immediately, and they agreed.

I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse, but in my 43 years I’ve seen and had to deal with quite a lot. It’s life. Somehow today we’ve been made to believe that with “modern technology” and science, Bad Things don’t happen. People like to tell you “everything’s going to be OK” because generally it is. But honestly, life’s not like that and sometimes you have to deal with things like death, extreme illness, handicaps. It’s very sad, of course, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but not everything in life is in our control. Our ancestors had to face a lot more uncertainity; we’ve generally got it pretty good. The lesson I learned from all this is to appreciate the joys in life, realize that you can get through even the most difficult of circumstances (with the love and prayers of those who love you!), and to live each day as the best person you can possibly be. Then, you know that it’s just life.

Here’s offering a hug and prayers.

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Just to clarify my opening line of that last post a bit … I don’t mean to imply that any of my pregnancies were unwanted! They just came at times that surprised me! After the blight ovum experience I got pregnant again really fast, which surprised the heck out of me. I became pregant with my second child (Cherry Girl, now 12) fairly quickly after the death of my first child (who had a heart condition and did not survive the surgery to correct it), so that surprised me as well. Next came Cherry Boy, who made his presence known just as I was beginning to think it might be fun to have two kids. Little darling peep, now age 2, was a big giant surprise and arrived when I was 40. THAT’s the kind of pregnancy that makes you realize that God (or ‘the cosmos’ if you prefer) operates completely without your input. :stuck_out_tongue:

8

I was the only working prototype after three miscarriages. You have my sympathies.

9

Shit, how insensitive of me :smack: I’m not saying that’s what it is. I just mean I’m wishing you well. Damnit, I’m no good at these kind of things…

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FWIW, your gyno may let you skip the Rhogam if you know the father is also Rh negative. (Some won’t, on the assumption that some women are lying about the father, and better not to believe anybody and give them all shots.) Good luck with everything!

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**Beadalin **- in this other fertility-related post I share that I work with fertility specialists and the value in getting a thorough fertility check-up. I make the same offer to you that I did in the other post, if it makes sense and you want to email me.

Best of luck.

12

I’m sorry you’re on the roller coaster now. Take heart, there are plenty of people who have scary bleeding and wind up having a healthy baby.

Also take heart - I was devastated after my first pregnancy ended with a miscarriage, worried that I’d never be able to have children, depressed, etc. But now I’ve got a three year old bugging me to get off the computer. I think some experts even theorize that many women’s bodies need a kind of trial run before bringing a pregnancy to term. And of course the ultra-sensitive tests are a blessing and a curse. What would have been just a slightly wonky period decades ago now is known to be an early m/c.

Anyway, I highly recommend charting, if you haven’t been doing so. Yes, you still have a two week wait to suffer, but it’s a little easier if you can see that you had sex the night before ovulation, or didn’t touch each other the whole week. It cuts down on uncertainty and false hope. Check out Taking Charge of Your Fertility and www.fertilityfriend.com

Good luck, I hope everything goes OK.

13

The Butlers feel your pain. We recently went through a pregnancy that wasn’t, with all the joys of weekly (or more) hormone level testing for Mrs. Butler.

They suspect it was an ectopic (sp?) pregnancy, and gave her a chemo shot (yes, really, I was surprised too) to terminate the pregnancy.

We’ll try again, but it was somewhat crushing, considering that Butlerette #1 went through proto-typing & final assembly so well. Hopefully Butlerette or mini-Butler #2 will go much smoother through the final process.

14

You have my sympathy. I had almost exactly you’re experience – positive test, then spotting, then another positive test, then continued spotting, followed by heavy bleading, followed by the daily HCG tests, etc., etc.

The result of that rocky beginning is now in 6th grade.

Best wishes and good thoughts, Beadalin. Let us know what’s happening.

15

Count me as another one that had bleeding. “First time” never got a positive test but had every symptom under the sun and I kept thinking the test would show up positive, then “the period” arrived. I still have no idea if I ever was really pregnant and it just didn’t “take” or was just a wonky period and I convinced myself I was. Next cycle - pregnant, a little bleeding at the beginning, I now have a happy, healthy 4 month old.

I know several people that agree on the trial run theory as they’ve had similar experiences!!

Best wishes – it is hard, and it is a roller coaster – but when one sticks it all fades!!

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Beadalin, any news?

17

I took four years to arrive, so yes, I know what an emotional rollercoaster it can be. When the doctors declared Mom sterile, my father’s always-so-sensitive BiL-to-be said he should return her to sender, haha. Grandfather asked him whether he intended to return his bride in case of “defects”, as well.

Well, OK, that one rollercoaster I’ve only been told about. But I remember my own when I was told I was going to have a little brother… having seen many “future little brothers” get derailed, I refused to believe anything until I held it :smiley:

The sterile woman had three kids.

18

Recipe:
-One large tumbler
-pistachio ice cream
-a 2 liter bottle of Suck, or, if you prefer, Diet Suck
-mint leaves
-blender
-oysters

1: put half the contents of the bottle of Suck (or Diet Suck) in the blender
2: two or three scoops of ice cream and the oysters (about 4 of them) go into the blender
3: turn blender on “blend” for about 25 seconds
4: pour into large tumbler
5: top with mint leaves
Voila! A suckshake!

…okay, maybe it doesn’t suck more. I give up.

19

Yeah, it’s the oysters that really make it top-notch, Least Original User Name Ever.

Thank you so much for all the good wishes and stories, everyone. It’s heartening to hear about the troubled pregnancies that worked out, and in a weird way, just as heartening to hear about the miscarriages. It’s a good reminder that this, too, shall pass, and that if this one doesn’t happen, it’s not my only shot.

Since yesterday morning my thoughts have stopped circling on themselves (if that makes sense) and I’ve been able to see that there’s good that can come of this, even if I do miscarry. It’s a very weird place emotionally, trying to prepare for a miscarriage but not give up hope for a successful pregnancy.

I won’t really have an update until tomorrow. I went in yesterday for the Rhogam shot. As I sat down, one of the first things the nurse said was, “So, you’ve just had a miscarriage?” Um, I don’t know? She apologized profusely when I said that we didn’t know yet, but sheesh, what a way to start things off. Anyway. I will have more blood drawn this afternoon, and get the results sometime tomorrow.

Thanks again for everything. It’s been so helpful to have such support and understanding, especially since only two people who know about off the Boards. Thank you.

20

That nurse was a tool. Sorry you had to go through that. I hope things work out for the best (I’ll leave it to you to define “best”).