Jesus, what an insensitive nurse! Whether or not you’ve had a miscarriage, she could surely think of a better way of finding out information like that.
Anyway, I hope all goes well for you. For what it’s worth, when I was pregnant with my son, I knew I was pregnant because I felt full all the time - kind of like I had just eaten two servings or Thanksgiving dinner. Anyway, I got my period and it was almost like normal, but I still felt full and my boobs started to hurt. Things worked out well and my son stuck it out and now he’s almost 11 months old. As stated several times earlier, bleeding does not always mean something bad. When I asked my doctor about it, he just said, “Well, we’ll chalk that up as ‘normal’ because it appears to have been normal for you.”
My hCG levels went up to 800-something from 661, but the normal increase is 66% every 48 hours. They called this morning with the results and asked that I see a physician today. I went in and talked with the doctor and the concern now is whether or not it’s ectopic.
I had more blood drawn and will have it drawn again tomorrow, with the results on Monday. No doubt I’ll be looking like a junkie after all this.
I cried in the car on the way back to work and think I will head home now.
I’m so sorry. If you would like to hear more of my experience, or want to express any feelings, even ones that seem forbidden, or have my take on the medical side of things, please feel free to email me. I will be out all day tomorrow, but I will check my e-mail tonight and tomorrow night.
Otherwise, I’ll leave you with some advice from my aunt: it’s Ok to feel horrible, and it’s also OK to feel all right. I’ll add my corollary: you will probably swing from one to another in varying amounts for some time, and that’s OK too.
Beadalin, you take as much time as you need to get hold of yourself before getting back on the roads this afternoon. We need you back at home safe and sound tonite. I’m sure a lot more have been following this than you realize. We all want you well. My deepest sympathies.
I’m really sorry, Beadalin. You can get through it–just feel what you need to feel and know that you ARE equipped to handle pain, sorrow and disappointment. There will be bright times in the future. You will experience them. Give yourself some time to heal, and remind yourself that there will be happiness your way soon. Take care.
We are here with and for you, when and if you need us. I, personally, feel your pain, and have experienced just what you’re dealing with. My thoughts are with you.
I miscarried very early the first time I tried to get pregnant. I did not go through your roller coaster because I was not strong enough to let myself really believe I was pregnant, but it was pretty clear after the fact. The next time I tried, I caught immediately. I hope you have better luck next time just as I did.
Treat yourself with care and know it is ok to grieve. Many good thoughts are going your way.
Oh Beadalin, I’m so sorry. It’s a horrible, horrible thing to have to go through, for both you and your partner/hubby. Please know that my best thoughts and wishes are with you both at the moment. You will feel every sort of emotion and they’ll all ok to feel. When I had mine, I even felt relieved - I don’t know why but my husband thinks it may have been that, sub-consciously, I was aware there was something wrong - he could be right about this because I didn’t let myself get too excited about it. After the fact, of course, I felt everything, including the love I was holding back on. The main thing is the sense of emptiness, you had a child alive and growing in you and then you don’t. It’s something that’s hard to explain. I miss the feeling of being really special - the knowledge that I could grow another human being inside me is extraordinary; and then it was gone and I had nothing to show for it.
We are now 5 weeks past and getting over it - what else can you do, life does go on. But we’ll never forget our baby and you will never forget yours. And you never will.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I got home OK. My husband scrubbed out the tub and drew me a bath, then I made a banana milkshake (not following the recipe in this thread!) and took my dogs for a long walk at the dog park.
Last night, my husband played a really cool, small and intimate gig and flirted with me outrageously from the stage, so it turned out to be exactly the sort of evening I needed. We got together with friends afterward and spent the rest of the night talking and laughing about nothing in particular. I had my first beer in a few weeks. I carried on with conversations and everything just fine, but there was this weird, deep undertow of absolute tiredness. I slept like a log.
I’m going to be fine. I’d hardly gotten a chance to get used to the idea of being pregnant before I had to get used to the idea that I wasn’t; I feel fortunate that it happened so soon.
