The past couple of days, I’ve been quietly off of my feet, contemplating… too much.
My period was late, but having skipped one last month (not uncommon), I figured it was just being screwy. If it didn’t show up again, I’d have to go to the doctor to see what was up. But then, a couple nights ago, it came, very suddenly. Heavily, but not surprising, I’d skipped a period, right?
But the next day, something was very wrong, and I knew it. I won’t go into details, but I had a very frightening trip to the bathroom.
A blighted ovum, it’s called. Apparently it tends to happen before a woman even knows she is pregnant. It’s not old enough to be called a miscarriage. It’s nobody’s fault, it couldn’t be prevented, it won’t effect my ability to have children in the future.
But I still feel sad. All said, what happened is a good thing - it would not have developed, it would have caused complications, the baby would not have survived. Also, I have a gallstone, and the doctors warned me up and down not to get pregnant. I don’t know what the exact reasons are, but if it would cause more complications, then I will follow their orders. It wouldn’t be healthy for my child or for me.
We weren’t trying - I’m on the Pill, for crying out loud. I take it regularly, at the exact same time every day. I know nothing is 100% effective (besides abstinence), but I was feeling pretty safe. I guess lightning struck and we fell into that .001% or whatever the heck it is.
I haven’t really told anyone in my family, except, of course, my dear husband, who has been my rock. He looked very misty when he got the news. I’ve been hesitant about starting this thread, but I just feel like I need to get it off my chest, or write it out… some kind of closure, or something.
I know it’s no one’s fault. It’s not mine, not my husband’s. It just happened. I know the answers to all of my questions, and logically, it makes sense. Sometimes it’s even okay.
But my heart hurts a little. I still feel sad. My husband told me it’s okay to grieve.
I’m so sorry you didn’t get a chance, little one. I’m so sorry.