I didn't even know I was pregnant (kind of sad)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The past couple of days, I’ve been quietly off of my feet, contemplating… too much.

My period was late, but having skipped one last month (not uncommon), I figured it was just being screwy. If it didn’t show up again, I’d have to go to the doctor to see what was up. But then, a couple nights ago, it came, very suddenly. Heavily, but not surprising, I’d skipped a period, right?

But the next day, something was very wrong, and I knew it. I won’t go into details, but I had a very frightening trip to the bathroom.

A blighted ovum, it’s called. Apparently it tends to happen before a woman even knows she is pregnant. It’s not old enough to be called a miscarriage. It’s nobody’s fault, it couldn’t be prevented, it won’t effect my ability to have children in the future.

But I still feel sad. All said, what happened is a good thing - it would not have developed, it would have caused complications, the baby would not have survived. Also, I have a gallstone, and the doctors warned me up and down not to get pregnant. I don’t know what the exact reasons are, but if it would cause more complications, then I will follow their orders. It wouldn’t be healthy for my child or for me.

We weren’t trying - I’m on the Pill, for crying out loud. I take it regularly, at the exact same time every day. I know nothing is 100% effective (besides abstinence), but I was feeling pretty safe. I guess lightning struck and we fell into that .001% or whatever the heck it is.

I haven’t really told anyone in my family, except, of course, my dear husband, who has been my rock. He looked very misty when he got the news. I’ve been hesitant about starting this thread, but I just feel like I need to get it off my chest, or write it out… some kind of closure, or something.

I know it’s no one’s fault. It’s not mine, not my husband’s. It just happened. I know the answers to all of my questions, and logically, it makes sense. Sometimes it’s even okay.

But my heart hurts a little. I still feel sad. My husband told me it’s okay to grieve.

I’m so sorry you didn’t get a chance, little one. I’m so sorry.

2

Sorry to hear this, Anastaseon. Good thoughts headed your way.

GT

3

My condolences. It’s certainly OK to grieve. I’ve had several friends and family go through miscarriages and they’re always awful. Good luck in the future. If and when you do try to have children I hope you never go through anything like this ever again.

4

I’m so sorry… Well wishes to you…

5

hugs

We had to terminate a similar pregnancy in July. At 8 weeks it had no heartbeat and was “grossly deformed.” For a few weeks they were very concerned it might be ectopic- my HCG levels were screwy and nothing was showing on the ultrasound. I knew I was pregnant from day 1 though- I was violently ill and had massive cramps, so we knew something was very wrong. We were told it would pass on it’s own, but when it didn’t I ended up taking medication to help it along.

It’s OK to grieve if you need to, but it’s also OK to feel relieved.

I hope this works out the best way possible for you, whatever that may be.

6

My condolences. Such a difficult thing to go through, Anastasaeon. Take care of yourself.

7

That was one of the things I told my husband - though I feel very sad, I also feel relieved. At first I felt bad for feeling relieved, but it’s true, and it’s for the best. We’re not ready for a baby yet, though if one came, my husband and I, and both of our families, would move heaven and earth to prepare for it and MAKE ready. We are very fortunate in that our money situation is great, but there are still a few things we’d like to have established before bringing a new baby into the world.

This, in the end, was the best thing possible to happen, hard as it is to say it, especially because of the complications - the baby would very probably not have lived, and if it did, it would have been deformed, or missing limbs or… it wouldn’t have lived long. That hurts a lot, and brings so many questions as to why, why did this happen, but the doctors say it just is. They explained it, and everything that happens, and why, but that in the end, it just is. I don’t do drugs, or drink (I do rarely), or smoke, I don’t jump out of planes… I eat healthy, I exercise… my husband is the same. It just is, they said. It just is.

It hurts a bit. I know the answers, but it still hurts. We’ll be fine, but just for now, I hurt a little. I hurt for everyone in the world who lost a baby, for everyone in the world who wants a baby, and for all the babies out there who need a parent or two.

Thank you all, for your condolences. I just needed to get this off my chest. I’m not trying to bottle it up, but I needed to get it out. Written down where I could see it. Confirm it, in a way. It’s all been pretty surreal and sad. I’ve been very weak, weaker than I realise, and that frightened me. I lost a lot of blood. It made it all real, and that scared me, too.

I am getting better - mind, body, and spirit. Thanks for your kind words, everyone.

8

Anastaseon,
This is indeed sad news. I had a miscarriage at about ten weeks and my heart broke that day.

I’m so sorry. :frowning:

9

I’m sorry, Anastaseon. Our thoughts are with you. Please take care.

10

{{{{{Anastasaeon}}}}} I’m so sorry for your pain. If you need a faceless ear, E-mail me and I’ll give you my phone #.
Mary

11

Anastasaeon, I am so sorry. You were protected, you thought, but it still feels bad. Our thoughts are with you, and our prayers.

My grandmother, who went on to have three daughters, lost her first pregnancy in this manner. I skipped a period, by about two weeks, and had a heavy flow, but that may have been nerves, as I was in the process of getting a divorce.

Good luck in getting rid of that gallstone too!

12

Your husband is a wise man.

Last spring my boss had an ectopic pregnancy burst: she lost so much blood that she nearly died. No idea she’d been pregnant, but she and her husband were trying. After she was mostly recovered from the emergency surgery and was back at work, we were talking about it in her office one day and she said she didn’t really feel like she’d lost a baby; I replied that I understood, but that I was concerned that grief might blindside her one day. A few weeks later she came into my office and closed the door, and told me I’d been right: at church that weekend her husband had lit a candle, and when she asked him who it was for he said, “Our baby.” Hit her like a ton of bricks. I think she was glad that we’d already discussed it, so she had someone at work to talk to who she knew wouldn’t unwittingly say something insensitive or thoughtless.

In short, your husband is a wise man. And I’m sorry for your loss.

13

I’m so sorry you didn’t get a chance, little one.

from within a saddening situation enlightens the most beautifully written words.
they kept it from you, little one, and we will stay moving. ily

14

Anastaseon, you have my thoughts - I know exactly what you’re going through. I had a very early miscarriage in September and it’s not easy. It’s hard. It’s one of the most devastating moments possible, whether you were planning it or not.

Listen to your husband - he’s smart. Grieving is helpful. And if you need to talk, my email’s always open.

E.

15

I was late once when I was younger. I am NEVER late. At first scared, I warmed up to the idea of being a mom at a younger age (18). I actually got kind of excited. A while later it followed with a very, very heavy period. I didn’t think anything of it, just assumed it was a heavy period (happened from time to time).

Then I was at the doctor and mentioned it in regards to something else. He threw off the comment, “It was probably a miscarriage. We can do a test to see, but why bother?”

Why bother indeed? I mourned that possible little baby for a few weeks (not constant sobbing, just a little sad thought now and then).

Be sad. A little potential life was lost, it’s certainly worth grieving.

Hugs to you.

16

I’m so very sorry.

17

Anastasaeon, my thoughts are with you and your husband as you both grieve – and grief is indeed appropriate.

Relationships can be strengthened by losses faced together, and it sounds as though you have the trust and shared values to be wonderful parents when the time is right. I am in no way trying to minimize the impact of your very real recent loss, however.

My heart goes out to you both, but I’m comforted – as you both should be! – that you and your husband have each other to lean on and can work through this together.

Thank you, from my heart, for sharing this with the SDMB. My faith in human nature is renewed daily by reading threads such as this, even though I don’t have direct experience similar to yours (being male, and not aware of any pregnancy in which I’ve been involved AFAIK). I hope that the sharing of your loss with a sympathetic community provides some relief; I never cease to be amazed by the compassion and good advice shown by my fellow Dopers.

18

{{{Anastaseon}}} :frowning:

19

HUG

20

I’m so very sorry. I understand completely, having lost both a child and experienced a blight ovum miscarrige. You need to grieve, and do spend the time doing it.

However, the way blight ovum was explained to me, there was never a fertalized egg. My body responded as though it was pregnant (and to the body, you indeed were) but the ovum it was “growing” had nothing inside…so there was no baby to “lose.” I don’t know if that will make you feel better or worse (I hope, not worse).

I just looked it up, and it appears it could be either way: either an egg that ceased development or one that did not develop at all. Blighted ovum definition

At any rate, hugs to you. It happens all the time to a great many women. With time, you’ll feel better. Take care.